Vipers' nest? Come counter our hissy rep with your stories of Mumsnet Niceness

[HelenMumsnet]

Hello.

Well, it's been bit of a week, hasn't it?

And we don't know about you but we think it's time folks outside MN knew a bit more about the lovely side of Mumsnet. All this stuff about harridans and vipers' nests kinda feels a bit lopsided to us - and is certainly making us pull on our Uggs and want to redress the balance a bit.

We're really chuffed to see such kind words about MN on Talk at the moment and also to see blogs like MmeLindor's that focus so beautifully on the "other side" of Mumsnet.

But we also want to publish, for all the world and the odd tabloid journo to see, a kinda showcase/archive of all the Lovely & Nice Things Mumsnetters Have Done over the years. And we'd really like your help with that, please.

Obviously, we have lots of Mumsnet Loveliness in mind already: ranging from Woolly Hugs to the Christmas Appeal and including everything from the lost toy on Blackpool Pier to the small acts of kindness shown every day from one MNer to another in need of help, advice or support.

But we really want you to tell us, too, about the Lovely Things you've seen (or taken part in) on Mumsnet. Please post them here - with links to the threads if you possibly can.

We'll read them all and, when we've run out of tissues, we'll publish some of your favourites for all the world to see.

Oh, and here's a pic of (warm and lovely) nest of vipers, courtesy of the fab women behind Woolly Hugs, to kinda set the tone

Knotty has a "do you need...?" thread running in Chat, they come up every so often and people are always very generous

I found MN by accident when I was googling for some info 2 yrs ago. I'd heard of it but imagined it was dull and wifey . I've been a member of lots of online groups for over 20yrs (since before the Web!) and this is the most amazing resource full of the most amazing people.

I was in the middle of a divorce at that point - and found I could make so much more sense of my ex and the reasons for him leaving when I found about about NPD and in particular 'the script' used when a man exits a marriage.

I've watched MNs support each other through births, deaths, marriages, divorces, breakdowns - I've had my own views seriously challenged (in particular in FWR) and am much clearer now about where I stand and why. Most recently I've been on the thread supporting L after her H left and turned out to have a pregnant mistress, we watched L while she coped with that and dealt with her own pregnancy and now birth.

There are people who I will never meet who are forever stuck in my mind, what happened to the lovely mum leaving the abusive "pillar of the community" dh who went home to Northern Ireland? I hope she and her children are happy and healthy. I've cried at the death of children I never met but whose names will stay with me, Beatrice, Mia, Ailidh.

We've got something very special here, long may it continue.

Personally I have found this site amazing. Last year I was advised to terminate my pregnancy for medical reasons through the support on here I decided not to (thanks again mrs devere you have no idea how much I thank you for your advice and support) my son was born at 24 weeks discharged two weeks ago happy and healthy. The ladies on my ante natal thread are a constant support of advice and hand holding I would be lost without them. (April ladies )
Oh and also the foodie ladies have Been great with offering recipes and vitamin advice following my emergency hysterectomy and subsequent inability to eat.
I've received universally helpful advice.

I think it can be changed. I would suggest to MNHQ that they look at the teacher's talk on TES. Teachers are certainly forthright in their views and yet they have a place for help and a place for support and journalists are not going to Google in and immediately see the worst!
Rather than me explain it go to here
You can put in a key word search that helps-it also tells you the popular forums. It is then split and you can't scroll down active. It means that you stick to your interests. e.g. if you are a special needs teacher you use that forum to give and ask advice and it is enormously helpful. You might go on if you were a parent of SN child, or like me a supply teacher who came across a situation and wanted help. No one is going to stray in making unhelpful comments. I used to use the supply teacher forum, very helpful on support or just to find sympathy after a bad day. On the odd occasion you get teachers venting about 'useless supply teachers-but it is very rare-that isn't what it is for.
If you want lively debate then you go to opinion or have your say. If you have a baby and want to get back to work there is a baby and toddler one and you won't find anyone bumbling in to say it is wrong for the baby!
Everything is there-book clubs, TAs, cover supervisors, unemployed teachers, school trips, personal and you can even post in Welsh BUT you have to search the forums you don't just scroll down and see it all. A journalist can't make the instant opinion that there are a lot of angry teachers-it would take a lot of work to come to that conclusion.

It isn't good enough to say it isn't in MNHQ control. They could change AIBU for a start to 'opinion' or 'have your say' because AIBU generally means the person is being totally unreasonable and people jump in and say so-and not all do it politely! Do MNHQ really want this as the gateway to the site so that they have to then ask people to tell of the kind side? The kind side should shine out.
I have never been mauled on TES the way I have on here!

One of the first threads I read <a class="break-all" href="http://www.google.ca/imgres?um=1&hl=en&safe=active&sa=N&biw=1249&bih=615&tbm=isch&tbnid=8GnzRI-PqvEnUM:&imgrefurl=groups.roiworld.com/Club/Board/BoardView.aspx%3Fcid%3DDirectionInfection%26mid%3D203090%26article%3D1208676&imgurl=roi.ltcdn.com/data/en/groups/clubuploads/DirectionInfection/203090/201203/20120325053112467ladyloller.jpg&w=500&h=333&ei=Nc87UIGQJ-r20gGAxIHQAg&zoom=1&iact=hc&vpx=241&vpy=319&dur=360&hovh=183&hovw=275" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">here was started in 2008 by a mother, a new poster, who's baby girl had recently died in her sleep. The funeral had not taken place yet. Very sensitive and supportive posters helped her through that terrible time.
I was frankly amazed and awed that so many people came and gave of themselves to help a complete stranger on the www.
Now I have seen blanket threads and threads where people have turned up to clean houses, bereavement threads, relationship threads and mental health threads and I am no longer surprised but still awed.

journalists are not going to Google in and immediately see the worst

Do you think journalists visit MN via google? I don't, I think they browse it freely. It is a far more popular and well known site than TES and I imagine that if a journalist wants something they just come and look at MN directly.

Picking up on exotic's post I've wondered if there could be mileage in a WWYD (what would you do ?) topic, to kind of go alongside AIBU.

It might bring out the strengths of Mumsnet more in terms of the support and advice already so generously given throughout the site ?

Mama! Sob sniff snooooork. That's beautiful!

Juggling there is one, called exactly that

I thought there already was a WWYD topic?

Convert mentioned my thread where I was looking for help getting medicine to my friend. She lived a hundred miles away from me and was having chemo for breast cancer. The treatment had made her hands and face swell up like balloons. She needed Piriton but couldn't get out of the house. I knew that Mumnet would help if they could.

I posted on here and within an hour had three practical offers of help from MNetters in north London. Zonedout, Heliumballoon and Mumofjust1.

Zonedout had some Piriton but couldn't leave her DC's. So she kindly sent it with a cab driver round to my friend's address. The poor driver must have thought she was bonkers but delivered the bottle to my swollen, tired and confused friend (who had never heard of mumsnet) with some trepidation. In her words "I looked like the elephant man and the driver looked terrified!"

My friend was overwhelmed - this was at the hardest part of her treatment and she wasn't coping well with the side effects. The Piriton eased the swelling and within half an hour she could breathe with ease again.
Zonedout wouldn't accept any money for her troubles.

This was almost a year ago and my friend has made a great recovery. She is back in the workplace and has moved house to my side of the country. She will never forget the night she had a knock on the door and found MN goodwill being delivered!

here

OK, thanks BIWI - still it could perhaps be more prominent or better used ?
The popularity and prominence of AIBU could be a problem in terms of how we're initially perceived by lazy journos ?!
Perhaps I'll start a thread in WWYD about my on-going nightmare heating probs !

Wot, so women can't disagree with each other without being called vipers?

Personally I've had a lovely time on Mumsnet and it's definitely made a positive contribution to my life, from getting advice on how to deal with aspects of DS's Aspergers to the fantastic Let Toys Be Toys campaign that grew out of FWR.

The wonderful thing about Mumsnet is that there will always be someone who sees things the way you do and this makes you feel slightly less alone in the world.

Plus, Mumsnetters are hilarious!! Does anyone remember that brilliant 50 Shades of Grey thread a while? It had me PMSLing for days.

And over all of Mumsnet we have the lovely MNHQ, residing over us like a Mother Hen, dropping in with their posts every now and again to let us know they're looking after us!!!

Long Live Mumsnet!!!

Posting again to say I agree with zzzzz last post.

I've been reading the thread though and am saddened to see that several posters have experienced problems on SN threads. It sounds as though this area is singled out more than some others by trolls and vicious posters. I'm really concerned to read this, and I think most MN would agree that it's appalling

I really don't think this is true actually. As far as I'm aware SN is 'opt in' and there are very few incidents of trollery on there. As someone else said, any 'trouble' tends to be on the main boards. MNHQ tend to delete disablist posts rather than going for the 'educate' line these days.

As I mentioned earlier, I have been heartened by posters who despite having no personal interest have stood up and challenged disablist views/posts.

I know that many MNers have had their eyes opened and have said what they have learned on here has made them think/act differently.

There are a handful of posters who dont/didnt feel their needs were/are met on The SNs boards and I'm not going to minimise their experiences by saying there are no issues, but I don't think any of it comes from a place of malice.

My personal views/feelings are very different from some other SN users, but I have still found it helpful and supportive and accept that different people will have different methods for coping and that is fine.

I really feel strongly and protective over the issue of the SN boards, because as zzzzz says, a great many children have benefitted from the advice and support found there.

Parents of children with SNs/disabilities are not one homogenous group, we are as different and varied as any other group of people with one common denominator, so it would be unrealistic to expect everyone to think/feel the same.

Overall the SN boards are a positive attribute to MN.

If I enter the site most days via Google I would imagine that journalists do too.
Topics are not easy to find. When I was told that the thread I was looking for was on bereavement I had difficulty-I found it under body and soul, which is logical, but at the top style and beauty is what you see. Do those living abroad know they have a special section? It is under homes and gardens which doesn't seem the place. I know that HEers often miss the fact they have a special place.
I think the whole thing needs a revamp.
Of course TES isn't as popular as MN there are far more parents in the country than teachers. If you are not a teacher you wouldn't get a lot from it.
On the Jeremy Vine show it appeared to me that Justine was a bit vague on the supportive side (maybe just my impression) hence asking this question. If the site was signed differently I am sure that the kind side would come over better-rather than the first impression being bunfights on AIBU.

I have never entered MN via Google. I don't understand why any regular would TBH - you just go to the web address/bookmark. Or, if you have googled, you just click the link to "talk" that it brings up. [shrug]

Of course TES isn't as popular as MN So I don't understand the comparison With fewer members, of course the atmosphere nd profile is going to be different.

Anyhow, this isn't what this thread is about.

I have been posting on Mumsnet since 2006 and would say that the good hugely outweighs the bad on here and any publication which says otherwise is simply guilty of lazy journalism.

I would also like to add that I appreciate MNHQs efforts to put things right and to try to make it better. They have a difficult job as it is very hard to please everyone!

But they do listen IME.

The problem is that women being nice to each other isn't much of a story, is it?

Jux, you've hit the nail on the head.

I agree: the issue here is that "Bad" news (ie conflict) is "good" news for the journos, while "good" news is bad news for them. Where is the mileage in lots of women people being nice to each other?

I've just done an analysis of the 100 threads in my "Active" conversations. OK, it's just a snapshot, but of this 100, only 15 were AIBU. Of that 15, only 3 were in any way contentious (about religion, Thatcher and Yonis/Nobdies). The rest were either funny, supportive or asking for advice - with no trolling or bitchiness.

This is before even checking out the other 85 threads which were the whole normal gamut of MN converstations, from legal advice, big/slim threads, relationships, style & beauty etc.

Go figure.