Vipers' nest? Come counter our hissy rep with your stories of Mumsnet Niceness

[HelenMumsnet]

Hello.

Well, it's been bit of a week, hasn't it?

And we don't know about you but we think it's time folks outside MN knew a bit more about the lovely side of Mumsnet. All this stuff about harridans and vipers' nests kinda feels a bit lopsided to us - and is certainly making us pull on our Uggs and want to redress the balance a bit.

We're really chuffed to see such kind words about MN on Talk at the moment and also to see blogs like MmeLindor's that focus so beautifully on the "other side" of Mumsnet.

But we also want to publish, for all the world and the odd tabloid journo to see, a kinda showcase/archive of all the Lovely & Nice Things Mumsnetters Have Done over the years. And we'd really like your help with that, please.

Obviously, we have lots of Mumsnet Loveliness in mind already: ranging from Woolly Hugs to the Christmas Appeal and including everything from the lost toy on Blackpool Pier to the small acts of kindness shown every day from one MNer to another in need of help, advice or support.

But we really want you to tell us, too, about the Lovely Things you've seen (or taken part in) on Mumsnet. Please post them here - with links to the threads if you possibly can.

We'll read them all and, when we've run out of tissues, we'll publish some of your favourites for all the world to see.

Oh, and here's a pic of (warm and lovely) nest of vipers, courtesy of the fab women behind Woolly Hugs, to kinda set the tone

[5madthings]

Oh and i apologise for the swearing in my post but actually the attitude to mnet in the press has really pissed me off, they choose not to mention the good that mnet is because being negative makes an easy story.

[skyebluesapphire]

I have had mixed experiences with MN, but it has been a godsend to me overall.

If it wasn't for Mumsnet I would not have divorced my XH so quickly and if I hadn't, I may have then lost my house due to his debts. MN also advised on "the script" and made me see that the contact between my XH and his mate's wife, was not just friendly...

I am on L's thread and to see the power of MN with all the gifts she was given for her baby and the hundreds of cards she has been sent, with followers from all over the world, is all just amazing.

The other threads, with sick children, are so sad, yet inspiring to see the amount of help and support that people give to each other.

I haven't met anyone yet, but have made facebook friends with some people so you can know them in RL too.

Overall, Mumsnet is a wonderful support to people, both male and female, who need help at desperate times, or sometimes just for advice. It has got me through some dark days and I hope it will get me through the rest of them too.

[JugglingFromHereToThere]

More heart-breaking yet also beautiful posts here this morning ....

Agree with 5madthings about the press ... "they are fools"

[AnnieLobeseder]

I don't know if anyone has mentioned them yet, but both the Everyday Sexism Project and Let Toys be Toys campaigns started on Mumsnet, and they are both having a huge and amazing impact and improving the lives of women and children.

[Punkatheart]

The Media floats over the surface of things - with a spec already formulated, then squeezes in the facts to fit.

Mumsnet has a different dynamic to real life. You can sob over a keyboard - not caring how you look - without feeling you have to put on a show or even your pants! In that terrible state, I have been put back together again. When you discover that many other women - good souls - have been through similar experiences, the lonely feelings subside.

Also - some of the funniest things have been seen on MN - such as the idea of sticking a garlic clove up one's backside. Oh yes.

[thewhistler]

People have mentioned Trazzle, Cup has been on here herself, Maryz has kept ne sane.

The OFBT area offers more private support, which à lot of us use.

I came on yesterday to resolve an IT problem. I got help with issues around care for an elderly parent as well. I can always find an expert or someone with good advice to help me ask thé right questions.

I think that there are times when the tone can be aggressive, and if everyone followed the ltb advice that is given there would be few people remaining in partnerships in the country. Perhaps that might be good.

But the really distinctive thing is the range of expérience, across an equally wide range of countries and cultures. The google map of splodges for Trazzle's little boy is indeed the prime example

[Mouseface]

WARNING - POTENTIALLY UPSETTING POST ABOUT 'THAT' EASTENDERS STORYLINE















I hope you don't mind me adding this to the thread but one thing I remember very vividly, was the delicate, compassionate and sensitive manner with which MNHQ and MNers supported the masses of devastated posters who were both directly and indirectly affected by the horrific EastEnders cot death/baby swap storyline, (myself included) which the BBC broadcast for their big 'lets get our ratings sky high' Christmas storyline.

It caused nationwide upset and uproar, as well as on here for a lot of bereaved parents, but also for those who hadn't lost a child/ren simply because of the way some of the characters were portrayed. It was utterly farcical and down right insulting at times.

I remember a lot of 'well just turn it off, don't watch it, no-one's forcing you to sit through it' type comments on the support threads (which is the posters' right to say of course) but it really wasn't as simple as that.

The storyline was built up over a number of weeks and strewn across many a front page of the newspapers or magazines in most shops, plus it was advertised on the BBC in between programs.

I personally felt that the lovely folks at MNHQ and co, did a bloody brilliant job explaining the 'problem' we had with the storyline. After meeting with The Powers That Be, SEE HERE, the story was eventually cut short, with some parts rewritten and it was reported at the time that many of the actors, researchers and crew involved in constructing the storyline were offered counselling afterwards. Also that Samantha Womack quit the show because of the storyline, saying that she didn't want to do it in the first place. As I said, it was only reported so I'm not saying this is a fact.

However, rumour has it, and even EastEnders themselves have hinted for most of last week, that 'Ronnie' may be set to make a return. I wonder how the story will pan out if she does?

And let's not forget of course, all of the other wonderful work and educating that MN/MNHQ is responsible for. The EastEnders and We Believe You campaigns are the two that touched my own personal life the most, so thank you to all of you who were involved in them both :) xx

Mumsnet is so much more than words on a screen.

[birdsnotbees]

This is a place of small kindnesses. Advice to the sleep-deprived and desperate. Reassurance to parents. Company to the lonely. Tough love to those that need it. Laugh out loud silliness at all other times.

Acts of small kindness do not good headlines make. Women being kind to each other do not fulfill the DM stereotype.

But that's fine. Because that's just how we roll, people. And for everyone (and Mumsnet) who has ever taken the time to answer any of my threads: thank you. You've helped me more than you could ever possibly know (or perhaps you know all too well).

[littleducks]

I'm not going to post links, as I'm sure it is appropriate. But the knowledge and support on MN that means the most to me:

When a poster discovered her 'd'h had been sexually abusing her daughter and needed somewhere to talk about it and the following events, as she left and dealt with the aftermath. The ability to discuss something as horrific as that and have people listen 24hrs a day, anonomously (can you imagine how hard it would be to start that conversation in rl) is so important.

The ectopic pregnancy threads, I can remember more than one. Again something not much talked about in rl but can potentially save lives.

[hazeyjane]

On a personal level, since finding out that ds had 'problems' when he was 7 months old, mumsnet sn boards have saved my sanity. I have found more help, support and friendship there, than I could ever have imagined. People there have held my hand whilst waiting for tests, been there when I have been in hospital with ds, helped fill out endless forms, given me strength to fight for support and celebrated when ds has achieved milestones that I feared he never would. I feel truly privileged to have such friends.

Cup of Tea's threads about beautiful Bea, for me, were the best of Mumsnet.

[sirmione]

Mme Lindor was kind enough to meet me for coffee shortly after I arrived in a new country with two very small children. A small thing, but such a help when I was feeling dazed & confused. Still think of it with fondness, nearly 4 years on.

[MaryAnnSingleton]

There is so much love and compassion on the Tamoxifen thread - quite honestly I've never met a bunch of more lovely women than these - over three years and 34 threads it is still going here

[MsDeerheart]

Just a small thing but we relocated during a difficult time for us and I got such good advice and also found a brilliant house to rent. I don't think I have come across much nastiness and if people are nasty they get pulled up on it - what you don't is people being un-critical -but that is what I like about it

[McKayz]

Oh Greengoose I'm so pleased to hear you're expecting. I was in the June 2012 group and often think of you and Merryn.

[McKayz]

I just thought of OnlyJoking's threads about her DH. I cried and cried at those threads. MN was brilliant in being there to collectively hold her hand.

I have some absolutely wonderful friends from mn that I feel I have known for years.

[letsgetreadytoramble]

Becoming a mum was the most overwhelming thing that had ever happened to me. Despite the support I had in RL, I desperately needed to ask the advice of people who were going through the same thing as me, or who had recently experienced something similar. MN was the only place I could go at any time, in my PJs with my hair full of sick. The support and advice was so generous and unstinting, it made everything so much easier for me, knowing that I wasn't the only person to feel like they'd been hit by a ton of bricks and then been left to just get on with it. People who don't understand MN are lucky that they've never been in a position to need such support.

[lambbone]

Thanks to the lovely mumsnetter who delivered chocolate to my DD1 as she struggled in her early weeks at university. She's very happy now and doing very well.

Thanks to those lovely ladies who told me to pull my finger out of my arse and stop flapping about when my DH was having a breakdown 250 miles away. Just what I needed at that point- benign dictatorship! Hard to see straight sometimes when things come unravelled. There's always an mnetter to blow away the cobwebs.

[MummaBubba123]

I've been feeling depressed at the overwhelming mess I've created in my house. I posted only days ago about it and have had some wonderful advice - no judgements. I've even found someone who has offered to mentor me through The Clear Up. I've gone from feeling isolated by the overwhelming nature of such an embarrassing situation, debilitated and annoyed with myself, to feeling empowered and supported. I'm onto it!

[UmBongo]

I struggled with conceiving dd, we had a long tough 3 years including a mmc. The conception threads were a fantastic support all through. I am still on there occasionally to help and encourage anyone else who is still in that position. The help I got to get me through the mmc, and to get past my baby's due date was invaluable to me.

As birdsnotbees said above, women being nice and supportive to each other does not make news to sell newspapers.

I LOVE MUMSNET. It makes me laugh, cry and also helped me stop crying.

[honey86]

i remember seeing lemontruffles' post when she sadly lost her DH i felt like hugging her through the screen, my heart broke for her as ive been through that before myself, when my former DP died suddenly. the most heartbreaking, lonely, lost feeling ... i hate to see others go through it...
so glad mn gave her support at such a tragic time.

mumsnet can be a real lifeline when you feel at your lowest

[Shagmundfreud]

After going self employed I developed a phobia about doing my tax return and left it undone until I had been fined hundreds of pounds by the IR. My anguished post about this as the January deadline approached resulted in kind mumsnetters holding my hand and taking me through the process step by step. One mn, a qualified accountant, gave me free advice on the phone which totally saved my bacon and a shed load of cash. I was so, so grateful.

I've also had wonderful ongoing advice and support here from Maryz and Flow and others on the parenting teenagers board and on the special needs board. Don't know what I would have done without it - life with an angry and defiant teenager and an autistic 7 year old living under the same roof is a massive challenge. I've not met with as much kindness and understanding anywhere as I have here.

[Chubfuddler]

This point has probably bed made, and I am probably turning into a bitter, dried up rad fem as I get older, but sadly I think it is precisely because MN is a place where women gain support from one another, and in a space they can control themselves, particularly with relationships problems, and without reference to men, that puts MN in the firing line of the likes of the Daily Mail.

We don't need to prove to them that this is a place where in the whole women give and receive support. They know. That's why they hate it.

[MrsMangoBiscuit]

I found EMTWL (eat more to weigh less) through MN, and actually like love my body now. I'm even looking forward to cracking on with shifting the pregnancy weight once this one is born. All the support offered on those threads turned a daunting task into a fun one.

I've had read so much advice about baby/toddler care. Envelope necks can be taken off downwards! (who knew! ) make up sponges for suncream and so many more. I've had advice on DIY when actual DIY websites have left me unsure, solved the mystery of the office phones not working, and saved many (more) arguements over housework.

On a more serious note, I've had advice and support, even indirectly, that helped me to process a past abusive relationship, so I finally no longer blame myself.

I really feel that those who think we're an angry bunch of screeching harpies have either never really imersed themselves in MN, or they know that it's a lie, as Chubfuddler said.

[champagnesupernova]

What others have said - the sense of community
If you want specifics while none of mine are massively life changing in the big scheme of things they made a huge difference to me: -

The MNer who came to visit me and my new baby after we exchanged PMs about her and then introduced me round and about to everyone.
(MN as Austen-esque introductory letter )

The MNer who sent me a maternity dress to wear to a wedding when I asked what I should wear on S&B and she said "you should wear one like x, hang on, just borrow mine)

The MNer who sent me advice about how to complain about a planning application which was going to have a huge effect on us (we followed her advice and the app was rejected)

Watching the support that goes on here keeps me grounded

Plus the whole place is full of so many inspirational women whether they're posting about something as trivial as what to have for dinner, or as serious as how to leave an abusive relationship, they are all amazing and I am proud to be a MNer.