What do you wish you had known before you had your DC? Tell us for your chance to win a copy of Why Did Nobody Tell Me?: Home Truths Every Parent Needs to Know.

[RebeccaMumsnet]

Hello. This week we published Why Did Nobody Tell Me?: Home Truths Every Parent Needs to Know, which is the paperback version of The Mumsnet Rules.

And we wanted to mark its publication and nudge you towards a bookstore with a small but perfectly formed competition-ette.

For those who don't already know, Why Did Nobody Tell Me? is full of common sense and good cheer to steady you during the trickier patches of child-wrangling - told from the perspective of those who've been there, worn the (puree-splattered) T-shirt, and more or less emerged in a fit enough state to boggle at the PFB madnesses of their early parenting days.

So, what we're asking you wise folks now, in a competition-y way, is to tell us what you wish you'd known before you had children.

Please post your "in hindsight" confessions/admissions/witticisms here. We'll pick out ten winners from all who post - and send each of them a spanking new copy of Why Did Nobody Tell Me?

Good luck!

That when you are pregnant and all caught up in the thoughts of labour and birth - once baby arrives that isn't the end it is most definitely the beginning. You are on call 24/7 from that moment, right then - as soon as baby is in your arms. You may also never sleep again.

Breastfeding can help get your figure back! It seems to work for some and not others.

Definitely worked for me, I lost two dress sizes while BFing - despite eating tons of cake and custard as I was craving energy.

(Really hope it works again this time round!!)

Another one for me, 'you think your mil is bad? Wait until she's a grandmother too!'

I'm still very new to this with only a 10 week old, and have a LOT to learn. But what I've learned so far is that trying to rush anything (feeding, changing, settling etc) WILL make that task take 4 times as long and will result in more stress all round. Expect it to take a while and get comfortable!

You are not more tired with a non sleeping baby than you were at the end of a bad pregnancy when you were constantly sick, in pain, exhausted, peeing constantly and having heartburn and SPD, and also very worried.

Just being so sleep deprived that you can't find your arse with both hands and a map is a spa day in comparision.

It's not that nobody tells you. It's that you don't believe these things will happen to you. And then they do, as they are bound to, and you're surprised?

HidingFromDD, your post gave me shivers (and nearly a tear). Thank you for letting me imagine that distant day in the future.

selky - yes I slept better in the first few weeks of DD's life than I had for most of the pregnancy. Now I'm back to my usual insomniac ways while SHE sleeps through the night.

Women have been trying to make babies go to sleep for thousands and thousands of years. So it's unlikely that the new theory in the latest baby manual works, so ignore them all

Saying 'Thank you' (for getting up again at 2, 4, 5, 5.30) and 'Well done' (for getting PFB to sleep again at 2, 4, 5, 5.30) lots to each other helped DH and I not murder each other get through the first 3 months.

Toddlers will not automatically Respect the Parental Authority and you should have a plan in place ready for the first time they look you straight in the eye and do the thing you have just explicitly told them not to do, like rub the catfood lavishly onto your laptop keyboard.

And do whatever you need to to get through the first 3 months. Co-sleep, carry them in a sling 24/7, whatever - you will not be 'getting them into bad habits'. You can't get a newborn into a bad habit.

That breastfeeding is painful, difficult and something you both have to learn....and its really no biggie if you cant do it.
That, EVENTUALLY, things will settle into their own routine...which is 100% guaranteed to be different from the routine you had envisioned but actually works just fine.
That...as soon as you've figured out whats going on, baby will change all its behaviours, signs and habits...just to confuse you.
Books and friendly advice should all be taken with a little pinch of salt.
Comparing your baby to others of a similar age is a VERY dangerous pastime (well, it is for people like me anyway!)
Your relationship with your other half really changes...talk lots, it REALLY helps.

oh, and despite EVERYONE telling me about the 'overwhelming rush of love' you get when baby is first put into your arms...this is not true for everybody. It took me 6 weeks to feel like that for my LO.

That labour is so painful that you want to die, and there's nothing wrong with having drugs.

That breastfeeding is the most amazing thing in the world.

That you may as well not bother trying to sleep for the first night.

That men sleep through babies' crying.

That your house will be a mess for the first few months, and that's ok.

That it's ok to ask for help.

That people aren't judging you, even if it feels like it.

That all toddlers have their naughty moments, no matter how good a parent you are.

That close family and friends are very important.

That it's ok to ask someone to watch the baby while you have a nap.

That you should see you gp if things are starting to get on top of you.

That talking is better than trying to be strong and holding everything in.

That you will get very emotional, no matter how logical and sensible you normally are.

That babies love vegetables, so get them started young so that they get a taste for it.

That your crying baby will turn into a loving child one day.

That being outside makes kids happy and watching too much tv makes them grumpy.

That reading them a bedtime story every night is so much fun, and will help them to learn to read faster once they're in school.

That sometimes grownups need a time out- it's no use trying to discipline when you are upset.

That you will get used to cold coffee.

That you will leak all over the bedsheets if you breastfeed.

That if you found watching the 'Save the Children' adverts difficult before, you wont be able to bear watching them after having your own kids.

Check your clothing before leaving the house.

If breastfeeding, check your clothing before opening the front door to the postman.

Oh, and from the other end of the age spectrum:

Teenagers are surprisingly lovely. Sometimes.

Before my baby was born, I remember reading they sleep up to 16 h a day these first few weeks so I got myself a box of books ready to be read. The cruel people who sold me that lie, failed to mention they may sleep for 16 hours but its mostly in 25 min chunks and that truing to feed/burp/change them and put them back to sleep takes all the rest of that time. Also, when they do sleep, they like to sleep on you most, so even if you wanted to grab 30 sec to yourself, you can't. Bit it does pass.

Oh, and say goodbye to all those lovely "dry-clean-only" pieces of clothing.

The day will come when you hear yourself saying "Please don't push the risotto round your plate with your willy" and nobody bats an eyelid.

...that your home will never look clean or remotely stylish for the next 16 years. Kids dont like wooden toys half as much as you do....and you will have tidal marks 3ft high around your walls of hand prints, pen, yogurt, snot and anything else within reach...forget it!

...that the handprints don't in fact stop at 3ft, as your teenagers discover that now they can touch the ceiling (sigh)

Things I wish I'd known:

1. The obvious:

-That I can pump and give breast milk via bottle for tongue tied child and not use formula -That I should have joined more than one prenatal group having recently moved to England -That I should have consulted other moms about things I need -baby dan makes a teeny tiny no slip tub mat for the baby bathtub -there is a scarf thing like a sling for breastfeeding

1. Less obvious (to me):

-That my mom would not be the doting sweet grandmother I thought she'd be -That after the tongue tie release I should have continued to give baby a bottle because she ultimately rejected it, now breastfeeds exclusively at 14 months, refusing spoon, food, bottle -That my husband wouldn't want to have sex with me from the minute I conceived until....TBA

1. Finally, most trivial but for some reason most heartbreaking to me:

-That I didn't understand what a "pram" was, having moved from the United States, and that I thought those big expensive strollers were a waste of money. I didn't ask anyone, and my stroller was considered the best. No one made suggestions, and I had no friends with kids. As a result, my 5 pound preemie who was lost and suffocating in her car seat could not be strolled around because I didn't know I should have gotten a pram for her to lie on her back. So no walks for her or me, no travelling around town...nothing, because stroller only had car seat attachment. I feel we both missed out, and am so srangely heartbroken about it...I guess it reflects that I am 3000 miles from my family, my husbands family wasn't helpful, I have no friends here to advise me...

If you have been a very free-thinking individual, it is shocking when you become a parent to realise that everyone is judging you and every decision you make. Even more shocking is the first-time you properly get your judgy-pants on!

1. That the kind of parent you think you'll be may bear no resemblance to the kind of parent you actually are, and that's okay. I thought I'd be a strict-routine, baby-in-own-room kind of a momma. Turned out I was actually a total lentil-weaver who co-slept with both babies and breast-fed them both for as long as I possibly could.

1. Something my mum told me when DD was born that I now say to every new mother I meet. She said, "Remember, you and your DH are the experts now. No-one knows your baby better than you do, and if you don't like anyone's advice, you don't have to take it because you know best." It was incredibly comforting.