Help! Justine's going on Channel5 News to talk about the mahoosive rise in the number of women giving birth in their 40s. Your thoughts on the reasons behind this increase would be most appreciated

[JaneGMumsnet]

Hi there,

Some of you may have read about today's ONS survey results, which reveal - amongst other things - that the number of mums giving birth in their 40s has trebled over the last twenty years:

www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/sharp-rise-in-women-over-40-having-babies-7932667.html

We've been asked what you folks think about this - what the reasons behind this rise might be -and would love to hear your thoughts so that we can reflect your views as accurately as possible.

Thanks in advance,

Jane

Sorry. Not sure what you mean? Thoughts on what? Whether we believe it, whether we agree with it, how old we were when we had ours?

I am having a bit of a thick morning

Hi Hecate: any thoughts about what's behind this rise in the over-40s birth rate would be most appreciated.

Sorry if that wasn't very clear We've amended the thread title now, so it's hopefully a bit more obvious what we're after.

oh, but I do think that women should be aware that our fertility decreases as we get older, so if we choose to delay starting a family (those who have chosen rather than those who perhaps haven't met someone they'd want to start a family with), then we need to know that that may mean it is more difficult.

I think that's important.

In the person I know ,it was a case of woman didnt meet "Mr Right",until she had been with several "Mr Wrong for her".
No idea whether that is typical though.
She had 1 child before 40,and 1 after.
She is still very fit and healthy and there wasnt a problem.

I've noticed how women are almost looked down on if they have their children earlier than their 30s nowadays. My sister is 24 and expecting her first- she's happily married and has been for 3 years and the baby is very much planned, but certain people have been judgy of her.

It seems socially unacceptable to have your children earlier than about 30, heaven forbid under 20

As well as treating it as a choice that women have made, these reports often ignore the fact that it takes two to make a baby. I don't have personal experience but know several women who delayed having children for years because their partner felt he wasn't ready. (In one case he then left her.)

Sometimes women would gladly have babies earlier, but don't want single parenthood, which can be a hard road.

x-post. Did you change the title for little old thickie me?

I think it's pretty much as the article said. People concentrating on careers, on getting themselves established, women having more options now than finding a man and being a wife and mother (not that there is anything wrong with that as your choice! It's just not the only choice)

Finances. More people wait now to get on the property ladder and the age at which that is happening is increasing so it's going to have a knock on effect on the age you are when you start a family.

Better fertility treatment. Years ago, if you had difficulties then you had no options. Now, you can meet someone in your 30s, and when you decide to start a family and it doesn't happen - you can get more help.

Most of us are now very well informed about declining fertility after mid-30s. But I think that some people do overestimate the success rate of assisted conception.

Yes, I think it's getting harder to meet someone. We live in an age where there's all these social sites, social media and in many ways we're connecting with others far more than we ever have, but for some reason, we are also becoming more 'apart' from others.

I spend my whole bloody life chatting on the net yet I barely speak to my neighbours. I don't think we interact socially like we used to and that makes it harder to meet someone.

I think theres two reasons - firstly, if you want to really establish a career (and so be in a position to be flexible/part time after), you are easily 35 before your first child, so if you want 2 or more, you are easily in your 40's.
The second is having more than one family - a woman who has children in her 20's, splits up with that partner, eventually meets someone else, then has children with them could be in their 40's.

And actually I know some people who have two sets of children with the same partner as they couldn't afford more children first time round, find themselves in their late 30's with more money and think why not

I think women are finally realising that they are far more in control of their bodies and lives than we have been led to believe in the past.
Words such as 'prime' and 'best' are somewhat relevant in a medical sense, but with modern lifestyles enabling more mature humans to carry on long past the expected of even 50 yrs ago, why should women be restricted to a period of 15 years in which to have children? (i have NO figures to back this up btw, it's just me ranting)

Older parents (women in particular i think) have been berated for being selfish by having a child later in life, and (albeit false) accusations that we are handing a child a life with elderly parents who will not be able to attend sports days due to not being able to get the zimmer frame onto the grass and not being able to handle 'new' concepts in homework and technology are being quashed and challenged daily!

agree with the stigma of the younger mother, my friends daughter had her DD at 17, yes it was unplanned but her boyfriend was sooo supportive and 4 years later they are still together and happy as anything in their home. She gets lots of cats bum mouth faces when she is out and about though which is as they both work hard.

For me (due my baby just before my 40th birthday and have a 3yo DS), my reason was simple, didnt meet DH until i was 31, got married at 34 and started ttc then. I guess if we were 10 years younger we would have done it then but, for some reason, it seems more socially acceptable to have kids in your 30s. I would have liked to have had #2 earlier than now but it took us 18 months to conceive, prob due to my age.

I gave birth at 45, not by choice. (The age, that is, not to give birth.) Had DD at 36 and tried within 18 months for DC2. What followed was described by another mumsnetter as my 'litany of loss' - 7 lost pregnancies. Things finally worked out for us naturally at the grand old age of 45. Had things been different, in my dream world, I would have had 3 DCs, probably having the last in my very early 40s. But we have what we have and I am profoundly grateful.

Older motherhood is not always a choice.

And people are younger for longer! Years ago, you were an adult at 18. Out on your own, renting your own place if not by 18 then certainly by 20. It was really weird to be still living with your parents at that age (I remember ) but now it is perfectly normal to still be living with your parents, playing on your x-box and having your pants ironed when you're 28.

So whereas you may have been mature enough to have your own home and family at 25, now you're 30 or 40 if you're a bloke before that happens.

Not everyone. don't flambé me , just a trend I have noticed. People are 'kids' for longer than they were a generation or two ago.

My partner when I was in my twenties wasn't someone I would have had children with, for various reasons; I didn't feel a massive amount of pressure to have kids then either (eg to dump him and find someone else I could have kids with or anything). Overall I was quite happy to be childless and footloose (took opportunities to work abroad and suchlike) for quite a few years; in my later 30s did internet dating and didn't want to rule kids out, but was of course aware of declining fertility etc. Once with DP, we gave it a go but would have been fine with the result of not having kids if that's how it had happened.

OH JANE - when is she on? what day/time?

I don't want to miss it.

@HecateHarshPants

OH JANE - when is she on? what day/time?

I don't want to miss it.

6.30pm, we believe, Hecate

Yes to all the reasons given above.

Can I just add a little something though? I am 43 and mum to a 4year old. I'd like to throw in the mix that it can be quite hard in-so-far-as I'd lived my own life for a good 15+ years, carving a career, holidays/weekends away whenever I wanted, able to go to the loo without a little follower (!) etc. The change in lifestyle was a MASSIVE shock. Not saying it isn't equally a shock for a younger mum, but that I'd had more to miss if that makes sense??

Yes, there's the career women stuff bandied around, women being blamed for the rise in in numbers giving birth over 40.

However, amongst my peers many of us would have happily taken time off from careers earlier if only we'd been able to settle down with a suitable partner earlier.

It makes my teeth itch that women are being blamed for this rise when lots of women would love to have settled down with a suitable man and started a family 5 or 10 years earlier than they actually did but many men these days are not ready for that commitment and end relationships with women who are ready, causing them both to start the search for a suitable partner all over again.

Part of the cause in my opinion (and experience) is the rise in the numbers of the "man-child" who wants to have relationships with women but not to settle down to starting a family (as that is when hard work comes into the relationship) and it becomes less fun-based.

Men are far more responsible for the rise in numbers of women giving birth in their 40's, than women are.

Harsh posts? have I been harsh?

@HecateHarshPants

Harsh posts? have I been harsh?

Darn, you spotted before I could make it go away.

Massive typo, sorry!

Blamed? I didn't realise it was about blame. Is it? I thought it was just, well, a fact. With no blame attached. No Oh you bad bad women waiting to have children sort of thing. Is there? Blame, I mean? Because that would be a very interesting thing to raise as well.

you can delete me if you like. We can pretend I said something outrageously rude to you. you can faint and everything

It's Chaos. We were on a thread and she said I had my harsh pants on.

And I thought - I like that name.