Why is AIBU allowed to continue?

[SylvieSmith]

As you may be aware I'm getting a very, very hard time for a post I made on the AIBU thread. I've reported a number of people who have responded to it to MNHQ for personal attacks and this was the reply I got:

"Hi SylvieSmith,

We're sorry you've been upset by the comments other posters have made - that's not what Mumsnet is about.

Posts in the Am I Being Unreasonable Topic do tend to be more robust and combative than those elsewhere on the boards. The very nature of the heading Am I Being Unreasonable does encourage posters to take sides, after all.

We don't generally delete threads, though, unless they're libellous or racist or otherwise break the law.

For that reason, we think it's best to leave it for now and let it disappear off the list of Active Conversations into merciful oblivion.

Mumsnet can be a great source of support and advice. Have a look in some of the other Topics and we're sure you'll see what we mean.

Best wishes

Rebecca
MNHQ"

If MN knows a lot of deeply unpleasant things are going on on AIBU why does it not just shut it down?

I also don't know how it can think that only deleting threads that are libellous, racist or break the law is an acceptable moderation policy. So is it ok for us to be telling each other to f* off? Calling each other terrible names?

MN feels like such an unfriendly place to be at times, surely MN is soon going to have a bit of a PR problem if it doesn't start stepping in when people are being attacked (it does, after all, say at the top of the AIBU that it doesn't "allow personal attacks". This is blatently not true).

They always say that if someone sees a personal attack, they should report it - to be fair, there are so many posts each day on MM, it would be well-nigh impossible to read every one.

I can't see where they have said that they know that deeply unpleasant things are happening on AIBU.

If AIBU wasn't there, people would just say unpleasant things on different threads. AIBU is not the problem.

Just had a look at your thread sylvie

Well done for sticking at it and defending yourself!! You could just hide it now? It's clearly something you keep reading and adding to, and bumping up active convos

Your sil and bil sound ungrateful btw, and you sound lovely and tolerant.

By saying it tends to be more robust and combatitive they are admitting stuff goes on on there.

They are also essentially saying AIBU pits people against each other and encourages personal attacks by its very nature. I agree - that's why maybe it's time for it to go.

AIBU does not encourage personal attacks, it encourages disagreement.

If you can't tell the difference between the two then I can see how it could be a very upsetting place. (I know people who are like this, they can't distinguish between a disagreement and an argument)

Sometimes we need a stern talking to to make us look at ourselves..... Many of us mums are isolated with nobody local to offload to, so we get told on Aibu. It's usually accurate

Problem with your post sylvie was it was too long and detailed and so got derailed early on.

I think you're being a bit precious about your thread.

sorry, it's the truth.
AIBU can turn into a bun-fight - it's there at the top of the topic in black-and-white.

if you can't handle being told off, then don't post in AIBU.

it's the MN equivalent of a rowdy drink down the pub.

Don't worry, I'm going to go away and struggle with being depressed and shy and possibly having Aspergers (which I will get tested for) and not come back to MN for a long, long time.

I didn't expect people to agree with me. But I did expect them to be polite.

if you have depression, then you must see a GP for a referral.

please don't suffer in silence.

I read some of your thread OP, but didn't post.
TBH, you were being a bit unreasonable and people told you that.
That's what AIBU is for, and if you do post on it expect to get honest replies.

This will not end well

I agree OP , bunch of bullying bitches on MN

No need to leave sylvie. It can be supportive here

Give it another go?

AIBU is a real exaggerated version of mumsnet. If you read any of the threads there, you will see that 99% of the time there will be a difference in opinion - it is v good at getting you to see the other side.

If you want support then there are far better places to post. As many people on your original thread suggested, try relationships. On there, people allow for depression or just you having a bad day - on AIBU you don't get the niceties I'm afraid. That isn't a bad thing per se, but you do need to be prepared for it.

I know that sometimes threads do get out of hand in aibu but mnhq are pretty good at deleting personal attacks

I like aibu and its one of the busiest areas of the site so I don't know why mnhq would want to get rid of it. There are other sections if aibu is not your thing and I like the way the different boards operate

Your first AIBU can be a bruising experience, but it sorts the wheat from the chaff. Are you wheat or chaff OP?

Oh stay, just steer clear of AIBU, post in _chat or mental helth if you feel you need some support.

I flounced after my first AIBU, but came back after a few weeks (and a nifty name change).

We've all been flamed on AIBU at some point early on in our MN career.

May I suggest you do what I did? Name change and stick to the less robust sections.

But please don't leave, you could get so much support in Relationships or Mental Health. Don't cut off your nose to spite your face.

Are you still here op??

It's not just AIBU

I got well and truly flamed on AIBU a good while ago (and didn't namechange ) You just need to take it as an experience and not go back to that section if it isn't for you.

MN is a wonderful place full of support but AIBU is not the place to seek support.

Sylvie you don't have to leave because one thread went badly. Please try the other threads. AIBU can sometimes be a bit of a bun fight.

Sylvie, as others have said, AIBU is a difficult place to post if you want a gentle discussion about how you could have handled a situation better.

The main problem is that all it takes is one poster to make a rude comment, then other posters know they have some support for being rude too and won't get flamed, and they pile in. And as in life, people have any number of reasons for being rude - bad day, repression in real life, something you've said resonates with them and they're projecting, or perhaps they are genuinely frustrated with a post. Some are abrupt which can come across as rude but is just their posting style.

Follow CinnaBar's advice, name change and use the Relationship and Mental Health boards. The posters there offer lots of support.

I would name change and use helpful boards. AIBU isn't for the faint hearted! People generally post thinking that they are not being unreasonable and just wanting a general agreement-that rarely happens and you have to count in that at least some will disagree-very strongly in some cases.