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See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

MNHQ please can we have an "elderly parents" section?

93 replies

ssd · 27/08/2011 09:17

this subject is so relevant to many of us yet there is nowhere to discuss the feelings of loss/guilt/anger/worry many of us have, not to mention having a discreet laugh and chat when it all gets too much

I think this would be a really useful and sympathetic section for those of us struggling with elderly mums or dads

thanks

OP posts:
Tianc · 02/09/2011 09:56

As an aside, there's a thread specifically about mobility issues in General Health: Welcome to the Wheelie-drome! (wheelchairs and all mobility stuff)

caramelwaffle · 02/09/2011 10:07

Another vote to bump up ssd's numbers

LunaticIsOnTheGrass · 02/09/2011 13:12

A topic like this would have been great when I was looking after my MIL.

You've got my vote.

OriginalPoster · 02/09/2011 13:16

Why not just chat while you're waiting for the official topic? Then jump to the right place when the powers that be decide to act?

MNHQ
HelenMumsnet · 02/09/2011 14:10

@ssd

how about Dodderry Old Buggers? Grin

so come on MNHQ, I'm sure you have nothing else to do but give us this!!

whats the verdict?

Ha at Doddery Old Buggers - my mum would love that!

We've been asked about this before, I think, and at the time, it was thought that this kind of discussion would fit well in Carers.

We do take your points here, though - so we'll have another think...

NormaStanleyFletcher · 02/09/2011 14:13

I think most people think of Carers as those who care full time for somebody. That is not necessarily the case with aging parents - as someone mentioned up thread, having aging parents 4 hours away down the motorway has it's own problems.

omnishambles · 02/09/2011 14:15

I would like this too - just saying.

I would also like it to be unsearchable as I havent anywhere to talk about things that would out me otherwise and I dont want to namechange just to talk about the Doddery Old Bugger.

Terpsichore · 02/09/2011 14:21

I second this. When my father developed vascular dementia it was incredibly hard to find information about where to turn to - sharing knowledge with others on MN in similar situations would be such a great resource and source of encouragement.

OriginalPoster · 02/09/2011 15:10

Parenting parents?

omnishambles · 02/09/2011 15:25

Very good originalposter - thats exactly what I'm attempting to do without much success.

FruStefanLindman · 02/09/2011 16:29

HelenMNHQ. This thread started a week ago.

Posters on this thread (including me) said that the 'Carers' topic didn't seem to be quite right the right place for those of us who are struggling with specific issues with their elderly parents/relatives.

I've been 'here' over a year now, and have seen some heart-rending threads from many MNers who have elderly parents/relatives/IL's - most of those threads being in Chat or AIBU.

A separate topic would be extremely helpful. Sadly I lost my Mum to dementia last year, after a number of years of...well...extremely difficult and heart-breaking times. I'm still struggling with many things about the last few years of her life, even though she is no longer with me.

I think ssd's request is quite valid - especially when you read some of the other posts on this thread.

Carers isn't quite the right place. Neither is Bereavement. We are stuck between the two.

MNHQ
HelenMumsnet · 02/09/2011 19:19

@FruStefanLindman

HelenMNHQ. This thread started a week ago.

Posters on this thread (including me) said that the 'Carers' topic didn't seem to be quite right the right place for those of us who are struggling with specific issues with their elderly parents/relatives.

I've been 'here' over a year now, and have seen some heart-rending threads from many MNers who have elderly parents/relatives/IL's - most of those threads being in Chat or AIBU.

A separate topic would be extremely helpful. Sadly I lost my Mum to dementia last year, after a number of years of...well...extremely difficult and heart-breaking times. I'm still struggling with many things about the last few years of her life, even though she is no longer with me.

I think ssd's request is quite valid - especially when you read some of the other posts on this thread.

Carers isn't quite the right place. Neither is Bereavement. We are stuck between the two.

No, we take your point, Fru. That's what I meant in my earlier post. Apols if that wasn't very clear.

Sorry about your mum Sad

FruStefanLindman · 02/09/2011 19:36

Sorry, Helen, I wasn't being stroppy Smile

I just thought you meant you were debating whether to start a new Topic, or not.

I guess you meant, you're debating what to call it?

(Please don't tell me you actually go into that shed? Grin)

ChippingIn · 02/09/2011 19:45

Well - I thought it was for 'older parents' Blush I thought it was a bit of a cheeky way to describe people who were having kids later in life Grin so ignored the thread until I was soooo bored I had to read it

I like 'Doddery Old Buggers' Grin... but not seriously, far too dismissive when people have upsetting situations.

Coping with ageing parents - or is it too long?

wompoopigeon · 02/09/2011 20:25

Our aged parents (OAPs)????

OriginalPoster · 02/09/2011 20:33

Wompoo

I like it! Or, our ageing parents..

Original poster
ssd · 02/09/2011 23:22

"our ageing parents and relatives" , maybe?

like Fru and others here, I've posted before about my mum, but usually in the AIBU section, eg." AIBU my mum depresses me", after the usual visit, which sees me driving home with tears running down my face.

Carers is a section I'd never visit to discuss my mum, I'm not her carer but her daughter who does the worrying and sorting out and yes, caring, but its a whole different thing when its your mum or dad and they don't live with you, you aren't classed as a carer but you have all the emotional stuff going on but no one to share it with.

So glad this is going to become a topic, am sure it'll be well used.

OP posts:
Original poster
ssd · 02/09/2011 23:38

"ssdWed 05-Dec-07 18:25:21

the hard bit comes when you have to start parenting your own parent

but thats a whole new thread"

-just found this in the search thingy, have been needing this thread for a while!!

OP posts:
ScribblerInTheSpaces · 03/09/2011 09:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

MrsFlittersnoop · 03/09/2011 10:02

Would really appreciate a regular section, whatever it is called Smile.

We (DH, DS (15) and I ) live with my 82 year old mum. I am not her "carer" - she is still pretty active and independent and has her most of her marbles, but is becoming increasingly frail and forgetful. We are also trying to sort out various legal and financial matters so that we don't lose the house after she has died. We are the only relatives she has in this country.

How about "U3A" ie the "University of the Third Age"? Too oblique?

Or "Mother, Can You Hear Me?" Grin, which is the title of a novel by Margaret Forster.

FruStefanLindman · 03/09/2011 10:17

ssd, good one - Our Ageing Parents/Relatives. Succinct and "it does what it says on the tin" Smile. Although to shorten it to OAP's, MNHQ, I think would be a mistake, because it could go off on a totally different tangent.

Original poster
ssd · 03/09/2011 11:15

agree Fru, the title needs to let people know what its about, its not to complain about old folks (OAP's too vague.....), its for those of us with elderly parents to chat and discuss things and unload the burden somewhere...............

something tells me no one at MNHQ HAS AN OLD MUM AND DAD IN THEIR 80'S (OOPS), that they solely look after,I don't mean a fit and active gran, I mean someone housebound or getting there, once you have you realise the need for a safe place to discuss things and vent your feelings

OP posts:
MNHQ
HelenMumsnet · 03/09/2011 11:18

@ssd

agree Fru, the title needs to let people know what its about, its not to complain about old folks (OAP's too vague.....), its for those of us with elderly parents to chat and discuss things and unload the burden somewhere...............

something tells me no one at MNHQ HAS AN OLD MUM AND DAD IN THEIR 80'S (OOPS), that they solely look after,I don't mean a fit and active gran, I mean someone housebound or getting there, once you have you realise the need for a safe place to discuss things and vent your feelings

You couldn't be more wrong, ssd

And thanks all for your patience with this - we know you've been waiting a while while we dither.

Original poster
ssd · 03/09/2011 11:30

apologies then, Helen Smile

you could probably use this topic too!

OP posts:
CiderwithBuda · 03/09/2011 11:46

Great idea.

Title-wise I think "Coping with elderly parents/relatives" is the clearest and most inclusive really.

My mother has vascular dementia and some parkinson symptoms and it is horrible. Being able to chat here and get some suggestions etc would be great. At the moment she thinks that she and I have had a big fight and are not talking to each other. I don't even know if I should phone to tell her we haven't. Cant visit as she is in Dublin and I am i UK.