What's the most useless pileofshite kitchen applicance you ever bought/received?

[gobshite]

I'm tired of all these feel-good bargain buy threads. Well, I like them, but I need some counterweight

So .. what's the most useless rip-off aspirational piece of crap you ever bought for your kitchen? And as a bonus for ten, what's the msot useless kitchen thing you ever received as a gift?

I think mine was probably the electric toasted sandwich maker I bought in a fit of madness. Useless fecking thing - took forever to clean, burned the edges of the sandwiches, heated the cheese inside to gum-scarring temperatures, etc.

the most useless gift I got was a thing for pitting olives.

And you?

Reading this thread is like walking through a car boot sale - you can see the endless sandwich toasters, ice cream machines and trendy fad coffee makers lined up as far as the eye can see.

I know what you mean about peelers Califrau, I can only use the fixed ones with a string-wrapped handle and nothing else. My mum can only use the wiggly ones.

I had to buy a new garlic crusher recently, and the price range was from 99p to £15. I bought the 99p one because the all looked the same, used it once, broke it, and bought a £10 one the next day.

The worst thing I've bought was a thing a bit like a sandwich toaster only for making small pasties. Used it once - what did I buy it for? Hopeless thing!
My worst gift was a pressure cooker but that's cause I find them a bit scary..............

the first christmas me and dh were living together we were given two sandwich tosters. one was a two sandwich, bog standard sandwich toster, the other was more commonly known as the "daisy sandwich toster" and is shaped like a cow. . both are in a cupboard and I seem to have moved them through three houses, lol.

and then there was the nibble tray bought for us by mil, a wooden tray with little squale glass bowls intended for nibbles. thing is, they're so small I couldn't actually think of anything to put in them.

and the chinese food warmer, that never made it out of its box either.

and I chucked my deep fat frier because I could no longer be arsed to clean it.

I do have a pasta machine though which does get used.

Sausage maker. Used once. Takes up a ridiculous amount of cupboard space.

Our current, buggering, bastard, useless, cunting TOASTER AAAAAAAARGH

and dp REFUSES to take me to the shop it came from to return it (I don't drive and it is faaaaar away)

it is cack, it toasts WONKY and UNEVEN

IN RANDOM PATCHES

ON ONE SIDE MORE THAN THE OTHER

and it doesn't like FAT PIECES OF BREAD

and I hate it

Ah have read thread

we actually use our stupid aspirational gadgets, in fact we use them till they break

we have (and love):
breadmaker
oil-free popcorn maker
sandwich toaster
ice cream maker

we broke the juicer and can't afford another good one

less often used but still worth the money:
sushi making gear
Mr Frostee thingy (makes fruit juice crushed ice stuff)

JML crappy mandoline which isn't tough enough to slice anything

Cappucino - you have an egg pricker I am so , I've been trying to find one everywhere and can't get hold of one (they stop your boiled eggs from splitting when they're cooking).

We've always used the sandwich toaster a lot as well.

we use our George Foreman grill as a sandwich toaster a lot - toasted cheese sandwiches are a staple food for ds1

am anticipating making heavy use of the George, the microwave, electric steamer etc when we have our kitchen redone next month

A bottle pouring arc...in god's name why?

A huge pan that cooks food quickly...NOOOOOOOOOO.

A juicer that I can't be assed cleaning with a cocktail stick when I use it.

We have a large Moulinex food processor in the loft never opened that we bought with Barclaycard profile points c.1988.

Everytime I thought about using it I realised something that involved less washing up could do the job just as well.

rice cooker... never been used

smoothie maker...thought we were going to start making our own smoothies.made one with raspberries,bananas and god knows what else,thought it was disgusting and weve never made anything else again!!

I don't have one but they were trying to flog this contraption at a pampered chef party I went to for peeling an apple!

Blimey castles, that looks some class of hamster torturing device.

The most useless thing in my kitchen is, undoubtedly, me.

Oh castles, we have one of those!

Ours is a bigger heavier version, mainly for peeling potatoes that you clamp to the work surface. Dp won't do potatoes unless he uses the gadget so I let him get on with it.
First of all he has to dig the eyes out with a normal peeler.
Then he has two or three attempts to jam the potato onto the spike because it has to be fairly straight.
Then he has his bit of fun with the gadget.
At the end there is a HUGE pile of worm-like peelings that takes him forever to clear up.
Then he has to wash the gadget by hand.

Give me a paring knife any day.

a kenwood frothie machine...why oh why fgs?!! it uses instant coffee, heats it up, swooshes it about and pumps it out...with no froth (which is good cos i hate froth) 10x easier to boil the kettle! gift from mil...she thought it was soooo cool!

Egg piercer for the armadillo

That's something you would only type on MN

Thanks Rustybear - my boiled eggs will have to suffer no longer

Wheres the hamster - get a potato ricer. You don't have to peel them. Just boil them and push them through the ricer...result is fluffy lump free mash and the skins are left behind

and Armadillo...I add a match to the water for boiled eggs, it does the trick.

BTW do you think I take too much notice of Nigella?