AIBU to feel uneasy they kept this intimate incident from me

[ItsMayHem2]

Hi all, name changed to ask this question, but I have a dilemma and I want to know if I’m over reacting, and I’m hoping the famous ‘sex people’ might give me a balanced view.

basically, my friend often crashes at ours if she misses her train home. This has happened for years with no issue. About a year ago, apparently, she walked in on my husband who WFH, having a wank. Not necessarily a big deal, neither of them are bothered after a bit of initial embarrassment … but neither told me. Now I’m struggling with the fact they’ve kept an intimate secret. It feels like a betrayal but my husband thinks I’m overthinking it. Since I found out, I can’t be intimate with him and he thinks this is an over reaction. So AIBU? How can I get past this?

Another male perspective here. If this happened to me, I don't think I would have been too bothered beyond the initial shock and embarrassment and I would hope that the friend would also be able to laugh it off without giving it too much thought. There's no way I would tell my missus as I would feel a bit embarrassed and just want to forget it.

I think the next time the friend and I saw each other it might be slightly awkward but I could easily see that a year on we would be able to have a joke about it, but obviously my partner would be oblivious. I honestly don't think there's anything in this at all as I could easily see myself in the same position without having done anything wrong (beyond not ensuring that I was alone).

If your only problem is that you weren't told at the time then I think it's an overreaction on your part OP.

Yes OP once it's coming, it's coming! 😅He hasn't lied to you

I just wanted to update everyone on here that things are sorted. We had a really good chat and this has led us to some very open conversations about sex over the past few weeks. The upshot is, we’ve been having a lot more better quality sex having cleared the air to create space for discussion of our desires and wants. We now have a group chat, my friend messages that so he knows when she crashes over. So thanks to the various perspectives on here that helped me realise I’d gone a bit OTT

Thats a great update and even better outcome! Good to hear.

I'm pleased you have a happy outcome. But I was hoping to hear your friends POV on the incident.

Glad it worked out. Would have been a shame to make a big deal out of a bit of a 'nothing' incident.

@KatyKan she thought I was making a fuss over nothing too. To her, it was no big deal, slightly awkward but not scarring

I'm female - I was wanking as a teen in my room, and my mum suddenly put her head around the door😱.... Womens bodies react similarly to males... Once they're in orgasm phase nothing will stop it completing.

I’ve never experienced that @IamtheDevilsAvocado If I’m ever interrupted, and it happened a few times when I was a teen… any chance of an O vanished fast. Even now, in the shower a knock on the door will make an abrupt end no matter how close I am.

At least she didn’t finish him off