Considering a no-strings arrangement with a younger colleague after divorce

[NameChangingNoreen]

I’ll try to be brief, but context first … I’m going through divorce aged 50, very amicable after 20+ yrs we drifted apart and became flatmates. No sex at all for years. My work
colleague is much younger but going through divorce too, and we have helped each other through. Last night the topic turned to sex and how long it had been for both of us. I joked that it’s a shame he didn’t like larger, older ladies and he went serious and said he’d love to have sex with me. Cue an awkward silence and a change in subject. We have then had a WhatsApp exchange today, he apologised but reasserted that he would like a discrete, no strings sex arrangement. The conversation also got quite explicit which I really liked. So I am tempted. The advice I seek is: a) is the age difference a problem do you think b) how can have sex and it not get weird c) do any of you with FwB have particular rules to keep it casual and preserving friendship - frequency, staying over etc.

i am quite inexperienced and have not had sex in a very long time so please be gentle.

I think you're on dangerous ground. You've already entered the emotional affair territory by helping each other with your divorces. Having sex could deepen those emotions. In other words one of you will catch feelings and then it turns into a shit show. If it does what will the work environment look like?
What's the age gap?

I say go for it and rediscover your passion, just so long as you can trust him to be discreet

Is it an affair if we are both single? The gap is 12 yrs so big but not huge I think. My ex h was 10yrs older than me.

Our work is quite separate, different departments and there are no HR policies that prohibit relationships. We have been friends for a number of years, mostly just coffee and work moaning, but we’ve helped each other navigate the divorce landscape over the past year.

I’ve never thought of sex with him before, but I must confess I am really, really tempted.

@JohnBoltonFamilyMan I think he would want it quiet, do men want to boast about bedding a slightly frumpy older woman?

I'm of the opinion that, as long as you can talk openly about things and feel that it won't cause any issues at work, then why not? On the other hand if you are both going to be embarrassed and awkward about it afterwards then perhaps not.

adults need sex . What are you waiting for ?
Get some .

12 years is nothing. You're both adults. Just be wary of those feelings

@IthinkIminlovewithSalvias Thanks, it’s establishing the boundaries that I’m trying to do at the moment. I’ve put it to him that he might regret it due to age and my sub-optimum condition. He has reassured me that he won’t and we have run through some scenarios and had some frank chat.

@Winterbolt It has been so long though. He is 2 yrs abstinent and I am 5. You comment has made my mind up

i am going to his tonight, he is making dinner. I think we’re going to have sex and see how it goes.

You both sound like you know what you are doing!

I hope you have a thoroughly enjoyable time!

I had a Fwb who was 17 years younger, he did me the world of good. If no one is getting hurt just enjoy it for what it is x

Enjoy and let us know how it goes!

Great decision
I’m on tenterhooks

I had a FWB who was 10 years younger. No complaints from either side! Hope you had a fun evening. Maybe set a time limit on it (in your head) where you revisit whether it’s working for you both, check you’re not getting too attached. Or if you are, have a talk about where it’s going before you get in too deep. Otherwise enjoy!

It was a really good evening. He cooked and we shared a bottle of wine. Conversation was easy and we had lots of laughter. He was really respectful of my potential worries and let me lead. I gave him a massage to get things going and then we had sex.

it was a bit odd for both I’d say, but there was lots of talking and guiding into how to do things in ways we liked. So maybe more functional than raw passion. I didn’t stay over, but we did chat for a while after and went back to easy conversation again.

i am really glad I decided to do it so thank you for being in my corner

Girl! Go for it!
Provided you can stay emotionally detached it’s going to do you & him the power of good! Just stay in control and don’t give in every time he wants you too always leave him wanting more.
Trust me when I say it’ll do your self esteem the power of good knowing your turn him on.
Now get down your local lingerie store now!

Thanks @Angela59 . Lingerie was one of the reasons I nearly bottled it, I just haven’t bought sexy underwear for years. Just hasn’t felt like a need, so a minor panic was finding at least a matching set. I wanted something to cover my midriff as I was worried it would put him off but I had nothing ‘sexy’. You are right though, it has done my confidence the world of good after years of feeling unattractive

Fantastic news. Just shows what sex can do in a relationship/no strings.

We’ve just had a really good chat about boundaries, expectations and some guardrails. We are on the same page and I’m really happy. We both agree that this is good for both of us at this moment

Enjoy and don't over think it.

Thanks @cricketnut77 I think he’s been overthinking… assuming I’d be riddled with regret or madly in love.

Like everyone else on this thread I think the advice is to go for it. Have fun, and get back to enjoying sex. I was in a sexless marriage years ago. Ended up flirting and then kissing a younger colleague on an overseas trip. That led to one of the best nights of sex both of us had ever experienced.
That then led to lingerie, kissing in the work lift, lots of car sex. We were two people looking for something in our lives.
Three yeas later we were married. Just the two of us. On a beach.

See! There is hope everyone!

@FiftiesDIYer thats a lovely story. thanks for giving hope.

We have obviously been back at work and it’s all been refreshingly normal. I was worried he was going to regret things due to the age gap, but he has been so lovely. He has his kids this weekend so next week we have another ‘date’ lined up. And, I will treat myself to some lingerie!