Feeling I missed out on a fulfilling sex life with DH

[Missindecisiveness]

I met my DH young, when I met him, he was inexperienced sexually, so we never had an explosive sexual relationship, during his 30’s he seemed to be less interested in sex and it’s pretty much how our sex life has always been.
I’m getting older and I can’t help but think I’ve missed out on a fulfilling sex life and actually I’ve not had the sex I could have, I also had very limited sexual experience, so in some ways, I don’t really know what I’m missing, or if I’m missing much at all.
Does anyone else feel this way?

Yes, met DW at 20. First partner. She suggested that only the sex-obsessed enjoyed a lot of things and that normal people didn't do oral, role play, toys. Only about 10 years ago I realised this wasn't quite true.

Yep. Been there. Done that. Regret most of 20yrs. And now, as middle age peters away, realise that it's harder and harder to both be attractive and attracted, so am increasingly resigned to the feeling that that boat has probably sailed ... and sunk.

I’m sorry to hear that, I hope you can find a way to a better and healthier sex life.

Your post is one that often crosses my mind, living with the regret. Although I truly believe that if you want something enough, it can happen, I hope you manage to find what you’re looking for.

Non existent sexual experience prior to meeting partner, she was experienced but never had to do anything “explosive” to keep me interested.Sex declined massively as the years have gone by, do often wonder what I may have missed out on due to only having one sexual partner. I imagine many people in similar circumstances feel the same

I don’t think I missed out as such but I know I would have been ever more adventurous. Perhaps that’s just age though.

Some of the wildest nights of sex I've had have been with inexperienced sexually deprived women who just for one night let themselves and their inhibitions go.

The scenarios up thread were ones that i was thankfully determined to avoid from the outset, possibly with a little bit of guidance and support from my elder sister.

When l first became sexually active (l don’t subscribe to this misogynistic “lost virginity” nonsense; l didn’t lose anything), l had 2 different boys in the same week. I wanted to know if different people felt different. And oral was always on the menu. No oral, no entry, it was ever thus.

Non, je ne non regrette rien!

I think there is nothing similar to a fulfilling sex life. It is a unique experience when 2 people are on the same level and want one another. It is the glue that holds a relationship together apart form love.
Op have you discussed the lack of sex with your DP, is there any way that this can be improved?

Yes. Different perspective perhaps because I'm male, late 50s. Didn't 'shag around' in my twenties like you're supposed to, probably for psychological reasons: I struggled with the idea of having sex with a woman then just fucking off the next morning. Poor sex life since then.

Do I regret it? Yes... and no. The past can't be changed so regrets are pointless. And a truism: I love sex, but there's more to life. Go out and find it and, if you can't, then create it. And there's always wanking.

I married safe, nice guy who would be a great dad. I had some experience of much better before and I did miss it. Making up for it now though!

I have a similar issue, its hard isnt it 😫

Met my DW when we were both young - both inexperienced- sex was always limited and a bit dull.
when that relationship ended met a few other people and found much better with more variety

So true ….. 👍

Yes I met my first partner very young and he was my first. He was a bit older and I certainly wasn't his first.

We were together for a while and very rarely did oral. He never mentioned it and I wasn't bothered. Whilst he got off every time, I never did and he never made any attempt to please me. At first I thought this must just be normal, as mentioned I was young and inexperienced.

I did love him and he was great in every other way. After a few years I began to feel resentful, I felt like a doll being used, it became more of a chore and I never got anything from it. We would have it less, no can't imagine people staying together for years and years like that.

It was only later I became single and slept with someone else who was amazing and made sure I was satisfied every time, and it made me feel more adventerous in that respect! I realised then that my first relationship was missing out on so much physically and had wasted time on a relationship that was good in every other way, except in the bedroom.

I feel exactly the same. I feel like for quite a while we were just co-parenting and not being intimate with one another. So I took matters into my own hands and got a toy, which made me realised just how unfulfilled I was before. Thing have since gotten better with DH (not much but slightly) and when he does bother to want sex I feel like I don’t get my ending. He has always been a bit vanilla and almost prudish so talking about it isn’t an option. So instead I read erotic stories and get myself off. Not quite the sex life I wanted

That's a type of release, but very sad too. I hope you're getting what you need so far.

@LochSunart Wanking might do it for those who just need sexual release, but others could wank thrice daily and still be missing out on truly satisfying sex.

Yes exactly. It’s a release of sorts but definitely not what my body needs at times. He’s a good dad so not sure bad sex is a good enough reason to leave but it’s hard trying to find the right outlet

After my divorce I threw myself into my new found singleness. In two years I have more than made up for the ten years of terrible sex I used to convince myself I enjoyed with my exH. I won’t get my twenties back but I won’t compromise on sex again as I move through my late thirties. I would advise anyone that if the spark and interest is there do what you can with what you have and go and have (safe!) sex.

…. with a fwb?

Among others!

I knew I liked you … cheeky!!

Oh ya

I married ‘safe’ too. I had waited until I was 19 to lose my virginity to a man quite a bit older (he was a charmer and very, very attractive). He seduced me, I guess, and being the inexperienced, naive young girl I was…well, it was hardly romantic (in the front seat of a car). Over very quickly. I was besotted with him though. Unfortunately for me, I had been played. His brother told me he had a heavily pregnant girlfriend in their home town. That was that! I was devastated and felt used and, well, stupid. I retreated to university to get over it - it took quite a while! I met my ex-hubby as I was leaving university. Again, a double digit age gap. Very nice man, safe, trustworthy but I found him a bit boring (he dressed like an old man) and didn’t turn me on. I married him, stupidly! Nice man, as I said, and clearly adored me but it just wasn’t there - the sexual chemistry. Sex with him was boring and predictable. We ended up in a sexless marriage. Years went by. Years!!

Menopause - I woke! I still couldn’t go near him though. I ended up in an affair (I ended the marriage though as soon as I knew what was happening). Wonderful sex. Passionate! Went on for years but fulfilment wasn’t there. He wouldn’t be mine. Ever. That was that. I ended up alone. I regret my life choices (I am early 50’s now) and wish I’d tried a few (sounds bad, I know) but I was a bit of a goody 2 shoes! Being the only girl in a family of boys meant I was very protected in a lot of ways too but, sadly, not enough.