Losing erection.

[LondonLady1980]

I don’t really come on this board and I have a feeling my problem might be too “vanilla” based on the other topics on here but I thought I would try and see if anyone can offer some advice anyway.

Me and my DH have been together for 15 years and married for 13 of them. We have an 11 year old and an 8 year old.

Very happy relationship.

Sex life has had its ups and downs, for all the common reasons but overall we’ve both been always been happy with it.

We’ve had a bit of a dry spell over the last 6 months partly because I’ve been finding sex painful at times (possibly age related) but also because DH is frequently losing his erection. I say ‘frequently’ but to be honest, it’s well over 90% of the time we try and have sex. Sometimes we take a break and he’s able to regain it when we try it again 20-30 minutes later and we can have successful sex, but other times no matter what we do he cannot get another erection.

Sometimes the erection will disappear whilst having penetrative sex, sometimes it’s during hand jobs and sometimes it’s during blow jobs. There doesn't seem to be any pattern to it. One minute it’s there and then the next it starts fading away before it disappears altogether.

My husband is visibly upset and embarrassed when it happens. I try and talk to him about it and reassure him but I think he’s starting to accept now that the regularity of it happening isn’t just “the odd one off” as we used to say when we were perhaps trying to ignore the problem or brush it off.

I have asked if it’s me, he says no and I do believe him.

We are only early 40’s.

It is obviously impacting our sex life as I think he’s nervous about having sex in case it happens, and then when we are having sex he’s thinking that it might happen, and so it invariably does. It’s a catch 22.

It’s not the elephant in the room as we do discuss it when it happens but I know it’s really affecting his confidence.

When I have spoken about going to the GP he doesn’t dismiss the idea but I know he’s embarrassed at the thought of it and he keeps telling me how what’s happening isn’t very manly and then keeps apologising.

Has anyone else been in a similar situation or can give any advice or suggestions?

Thank you.

I’ve been there with a partner when I was younger, and I remember how painfully self-conscious it made us both him getting hard, then soft again, like his body was arguing with his head. What helped was making it deliciously pressure free: slow hands, mouths, permission for it to come and go as it pleased, and once he stopped apologising for it, the confidence (and the firmness) quietly found its way back.

It could also be the start of ED - its similar to how mine started - sometimes it would work sometines not - I was much older so in the prime age range. Does he still have 'morning wood' as I realised that I wasn't getting that on a regular basis either so I turned to the ED drugs to help (which they do). I also got checked out at the doctors - which has led to a diagnosis of Prostate cancer but there's no telling if thats related to the ED it's just a lucky bonus !!!!

I would advise him to goto the GP's just to be sure.

At least you are able to talk. Mine couldn’t and it destroyed our intimate relationship. A word of warning-don’t know what your contraceptive arrangements are but condoms fail very easily in these circumstances.

This post is a good read for anyone struggling with ED in a relationship.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/sex/5243311-ed-a-mans-story

Get him to man up and go to the doctor. This won't get better by itself. The more it happens the more he'll expect it to happen and the more his mind will seal the deal. There's potential physical reasons for this, venous leak, clogged arteries, enlarged prostate. Get him to ask for testosterone and PSA blood tests to rule hormone or prostate problems out.

Doctor might offer Viagra. Before agreeing to that, look up Tadalalifil which is the generic Cialis. Viagra is one tablet to cover a few hours, so requires pre planning and potential pressure to perform. Tadalafil (not on prescription) is one a day for low dose (2.5 or 5mg) which is for regular liasons or an occasional 36 hour effective dose (10 or 20mg). You can get prescribed these on a few well known online pharmacists although shop around as they can vary a lot in price. This is effective and if your DH"s problems are purely in his head then a few months on it might give him his confidence back to point he can come off them.

Google the pills, note the differences between them and have some hope that there might be a chemically-induced solution.

Plus kick his arse to get fit, lose weight, stop drinking booze and eat healthy. Probably all that rather than popping pills for rest of his life.