Big O

[O2026]

Planning my good‑vibes resolutions for 2026: orgasms 😊

I enjoy sex. I find it pleasurable, sometimes incredibly so. But I don't orgasm during partnered sex. I just plateau.

I’m curious whether anyone else used to be like that and eventually had things “click.” If so, what helped?

For context:

• I’ve been with my partner for many years. It was the same with previous partners.
• I orgasm easily on my own. I’ve masturbated in front of my partner too.
• No orgasm through penetration or oral stimulation. Touching myself during intercourse doesn’t lead to orgasm either.
• We’ve tried toys together. They get in the way.
• I don’t pretend to orgasm.

It might be for my own good. I have great solo orgasms. Duo ones might be more than what I can handle 😂

You need to relax and let your mind go into freefall and not tense up.

Maybe try sex in a different place or have a weekend away different bed

A few glass's of wine or your favourite tipple.

Good luck OP

I used to be this way, took a few goes before a man could get me over the line. I learnt to relax into it, but can’t explain why I couldn’t before

Are you "specatoring"?

I used to sometimes get in my own head a bit. "Am I taking to long?", "is he bored of this position", "are my stomach rolls visible?"

I've learned to relax into the moment more. Yes, it still takes me a longer time to come with a partner than on my own, but I've accepted that's just how I am.

Thanks @mbonfield! It was feeling a bit lonely in here 😊

I’m definitely a tense person. But around ovulation I go into this hyper‑sexual, dream‑like state where I’m super relaxed in bed. Still no luck!

I’m barely drinking these days, but it doesn’t seem to matter. Tipsy or completely drunk, still no orgasm.

Hundreds of different beds over the years. With the same partner 😇

Thanks @MorvernCallous! 😊

It gives me hope that it can still happen. I was starting to feel like it was just something you either had or you didn’t 😅

Thanks @FatCatPyjamas! Good to hear it can be learned 😊

I might’ve been guilty of that too, especially when we first got together. I used to worry he was getting bored during oral. And now I just assume I won't come, so I automatically switch to intercourse after a bit of oral.

I sometimes slip into a “spectator” mode (like I’m watching us from the outside, almost as if we’re being observed). I find it arousing 😂

Sorry, I meant in a negative sense. "Spectatoring means mentally stepping outside yourself during sex to watch and judge your own performance, rather than focusing on the sensations, which creates anxiety and hinders arousal"

I could have written this post. I’m watching with interest. I had therapy once a few years ago and she suggested it’s a trust issue. Not sure how to overcome that.

Interesting, it must be quite common if there’s a word for it 🙏 I can see how it could get in the way of orgasming. I don’t think I spectator, but I’ll be on the lookout for any negative thought patterns 😊

Frustrating, isn’t it! 😭 I’m wondering what your therapist meant by a trust issue. Not trusting my partners enough to be vulnerable in front of them, or not trusting myself to react in an “appropriate” way. Or something else entirely...

If that’s where the key to orgasm is, I’m more than happy to explore my mind 😇

I would let him give you oral for as long as possible. It makes me orgasm so hard that I’m shaking. Sometimes for us oral sex is the main event, a bit of piv but an oral session is really amazing for both of us and we really enjoy it when it’s just in the air for a long session of oral. You may want to try different places too.

@O2026 i needed a lover who made it their mission to give me an O. They asked what I liked, how I liked it, and went down on me for ages. I kept plateauing until it eventually happened

Once it happened though, it got easier and easier.

It may be worth switching the routine/how long you spend on foreplay - e.g. may be worth getting yourself very close to orgasm through masturbation/toys then letting your partner give you oral, by which stage you're warmed up. If the usual routine doesn't quite work (sounds like you may be in slight rut with it too possibly?) its worth tweaking with - if your partner can eventually get you over the line he'll feel like a sex god and hopefully repeat the trick more easily over time.

(hope you don't mind post from male perspective on this - it'll be my only one on this thread. Sometimes us men need a bit of helping hand to help get our partners over the line - nothing wrong with bit of teamwork to help in these situations!).

She can’t even make herself orgasm by masturbation with a partner present if you read her post. I also don’t think it’s helpful to point out how amazing her partner will feel if he gets her to orgasm. That’s added pressure for her, and said solely from a male perspective

You just need to be stimulated in the RIGHT way!

Thanks @AnonAnonmystery 😊 Will do! I’m looking forward to having an orgasm like that 😇

Thanks @MorvernCallous! I can't be on the lookout for a new partner 😅 I quite like the one I have.

I have to say he’s not the most patient person, but since I was the same with previous partners, the block is probably mine 😬

"may be worth getting yourself very close to orgasm through masturbation/toys then letting your partner give you oral, by which stage you're warmed up"

Thanks @Anotherlurkingmale! 😊 You wouldn't feel offended?

Thanks @Gymbunny2025 😊 I can orgasm through masturbation. Alone, or with my partner watching, caressing, or fingering me. A few times, I masturbated with him (not moving) inside me. Having him inside made the orgasm stronger, but it was just weird: “I’ll just use your d*ck for a second. Don’t move!” 😂

For me, masturbation is really rhythmical, which I can’t do during intercourse. I can still touch myself during PIV, but I wouldn’t call it masturbation. Maybe I’m the only one making that distinction 🤔

Thanks @BackToBlack2025 😊 What is the right way? 😇

I think its best to get married and try out new things together.

33 and never had an orgasm from sex. There’s only been a handful of times I have from oral but that was just luck. I’ve never come across a man that actually knows how to work me and the funny thing is I need the minimal effort to make me finish. They either rub the wrong spot or rub so hard it gets sore then I just switch off mentally

Thanks @TryingToFigureLifeOut 😊

It sounds tricky! There are only so many times you can gently guide a partner during oral sex 😬

Do you feel that not reaching orgasm has put you off sex, or do you just go with the flow and enjoy whatever pleasure and intimacy you get from intercourse? I’m the latter. But sometimes I can’t help thinking how great it would be to finally get there 😅

@O2026 I would definitely say that I am put off now, I’m tired of faking it and it just annoys me. Sex is just a feeling that is neither good or bad but it’s definitely not great either. It’s just a sensation that doesn’t achieve an orgasm for me, no different to rubbing your arm or leg. I have the same feeling with toys that penetrate too, it does nothing and it doesn’t feel remotely satisfying. From experience, the men I have encountered all seem to have this mindset that because a woman is being penetrated she has multiple orgasms and regardless it’s mind blowing for her. I believe porn has a lot to answer for this. I recently had this conversation with my now ex partner about how a lot of women can’t orgasm from penetration and he was adamant that every woman he had been with had, including me. I never had in the 4 years. There is a famous onlyfans/pornstar who was very open on a podcast stating that everything she does on camera is simply for the cameras and it’s acting. Them screaming orgasms she has, all fake. She said she actually only enjoys the feeling of sex and has an orgasm with her partner. Speaking on the anal videos she done, she said during filming the scenes she was sniffing poppers like crazy under the pillow and yet again viewers would think that she was simply “taking it” and enjoying every moment of it. I’m embracing accepting that at this moment in my life I simply don’t enjoy sex and am not bothered for it