Big O

[O2026]

Planning my good‑vibes resolutions for 2026: orgasms 😊

I enjoy sex. I find it pleasurable, sometimes incredibly so. But I don't orgasm during partnered sex. I just plateau.

I’m curious whether anyone else used to be like that and eventually had things “click.” If so, what helped?

For context:

• I’ve been with my partner for many years. It was the same with previous partners.
• I orgasm easily on my own. I’ve masturbated in front of my partner too.
• No orgasm through penetration or oral stimulation. Touching myself during intercourse doesn’t lead to orgasm either.
• We’ve tried toys together. They get in the way.
• I don’t pretend to orgasm.

It might be for my own good. I have great solo orgasms. Duo ones might be more than what I can handle 😂

Faking it is detrimental to women everywhere. It turns into a cycle where you can’t stop faking (unless you want to come clean), and if you do decide to stop without confessing, your partner will say, “well it always made you orgasm before”. And he will tell any new partners that THEY are the problem, because every partner he ever had could orgasm from the magical thrust of his dick.

Can we just stop? Please.

Agree @CowTown. I have only done so once because I wanted it to end quicker, a regret shag.

@O2026 The rhythm of masturbation is key, most closely replicated by a tongue. The man/woman doing the licking has to be ready to learn and respond. For me it was gentle sucking on my clit and fast steady licks over the surface that got me there. The first time it happened he had been there for a good while and bless him he persevered and followed my instructions. That relationship didn’t last but I’ll always be grateful for his efforts

I’ve never through penetration alone and only a handful of times with a partner. Not a problem solo! I’ve just given up and enjoy solo time with no pressure and no judgement. I enjoy the closeness of sex but thats all.

I actually don't like that I cum through PIV if it's any consolation. Once men find that out, then everything else is rushed to get to PIV, but I much much prefer orgasms from fingers or mouth 🤦‍♀️
Could you do a joint effort - you touching your clit, him with fingers/cock inside you? Or instructions - would he/you respond to the whole 'up a bit', 'lighter touch' etc?

@TryingToFigureLifeOut

It always amazes me that (some) men believe that porn reflects real life! The over‑the‑top moaning is cringeworthy. Do they also think that men have two‑hour erections? Or that everyone gets seduced by their neighbour or teacher in real life? 😬

"I’m embracing accepting that at this moment in my life I simply don’t enjoy sex and am not bothered for it."

It’s a healthy outlook 😊 And saying “at this moment” leaves space for things to change in the future, one way or another

Thanks @CowTown 😊 I don’t fake orgasms. I do experience pleasure, and I’m quite vocal about it, but then I just plateau. Somehow my partner sometimes thinks I’ve climaxed, and I have to gently correct him. We’ve been together for over ten years and it still happens occasionally 😅 The assumption that women orgasm from penetration alone is very deeply ingrained!

Thanks @MorvernCallous 😊 Rhythm is definitely key when I masturbate! I think I need to give receiving oral another proper go. When I give him oral, I know he likes variety. Maybe he assumes I do too, or maybe he gets tired. I don’t think I’ve ever explicitly said how important repetitive movements are for me. I’ll follow your advice and make that clearer. I hope your success carried over into future relationships 😁

Like you @oldFoolMe, I mostly go with the flow and enjoy the intimacy 😊 But once in a while, I do wonder “what if”!

Oh no @Isanyonereallyanonymous, I never thought of that! My partner is open to instructions and joint effort 😇 But I can’t get into a good rhythm with my fingers if he’s moving inside me. I’ve managed to masturbate a few times when he was inside but staying still, but honestly it was awkward. I’m doing my thing and he’s just kneeling there 😬

@O2026 iy did carry forward, once the door was unlocked more were able to get me over the line.

Have just found this Thread. Sorry for your problem OP.
Having read the posts all through was interesting, shall we say.

I'm glad you found it interesting 😂

How comes some men seem to just understand what women need to get off and others are adamant they know best 😫

I've only had a handful of orgasms with DH over the 11 years we have been together. I can orgasm through PIV but need to be warmed up first and I would still love clitoral stimulation/oral.

He's never gone down on me, hates touching me, finds foreplay (on women) boring and hates kissing and cuddling because he gets too hot. To be honest I would question if he was gay if i hadn't seen the porn he watches over the years, along with other signs so i know he's 100% straight. Sex lasts 5 minutes and consists of blow job/ handjob - 2 mins of PIV - done. He also thinks everyone else he's been with has had plenty orgasms and thinks I am the 'akward' one. He does have ADHD and possibly autism so I think it's just too much for him sensory wise.

I also refuse to fake it. I haven't been anywhere close to orgasm in 3 years and he couldn't give a stuff. He just tells me to try and relax next time and it might happen 😆 he really isn't bothered. With my ex I always had at least 1, and we never had sex where I didn't orgasm too so I really don't think the problem is me, but who knows.

I’d stop with the oral if he refuses to reciprocate. Same with the handjobs.

And here we have yet another man who refuses to understand or acknowledge that 85% of women CANNOT orgasm from intercourse alone. If only you’d try harder, you’d be able to climax from his golden dick thrusts. 😒

@LunaLovegood95

That must be so frustrating! 😐 You know you can orgasm with a partner, but your current one isn’t even trying to get you there. I’ve never said LTB before, but in this case I’d seriously consider it. Unless he’s perfect in every other way 😁

Do you orgasm more than once in a session, from clitoral stimulation? Could you start yourself off then once it’s happened, he could take over?

Thanks @blueredpurple 😊 I don’t think I’ve ever had multiple orgasms, but I’ve also never really tried! I can keep going with PIV after I climax, but oral would be painful. I’ll have to experiment on my own to see what’s possible with digital play 😇

Maybe try being really
slow and gentle and use lube to avoid friction, it shouldn’t be painful to go again.