Spanking? | Mumsnet

Jokethecoalwoman · 2025-12-17T13:21:34+00:00

I'm back on the dating scene after a very very long time. I hooked up with a guy I know a few weeks ago. During sex he smacked my bum a couple of times. I'm now arranging a hook up with someone else and he's suggested smacking my bum. The first guy took me by surprise, I'll be telling the second guy I'm not into bum smacking. But since two guys in a row have been into it, is this common? How often do guys generally decide to just smack you?! One was early 30s, other mid 40s.

Sadcafe · 17/12/2025 15:52

Probably yet another porn related trend, can’t say I’ve smacked DWs bum in the 40 years I’ve known her

SillyJilly2020 · 17/12/2025 22:02

I thought it was common

GentlemanJay · 17/12/2025 23:01

Too much porn. He will be spitting on you next, to act as a lube.

StarlightLady · 18/12/2025 12:25

Without consent (first one) this is not OK. Second one, do you really want to meet????

Original poster

Jokethecoalwoman · 18/12/2025 12:48

StarlightLady · 18/12/2025 12:25

Without consent (first one) this is not OK. Second one, do you really want to meet????

Yeah I do want to meet him because I'm hoping that by having that chat and being clear about what we like/don't like will mean that he won't just do it anyway.
The first one I won't be seeing again. Not just because of the spanking.

OP posts:

mnmnddddd · 18/12/2025 13:42

I've known people who enjoy spanking and/or being spanked, but the important thing is whether or not you are. If a partner doesn't ask consent first, I wouldn't give the a second chance.
I'd say it's disappointing that someone would raise it on a first date, or even before ... but you haven't said how you've met these men. If it's through Feeld / FAB / etc (you used the term "hook ups") and you've expressed any interest in kink, I'd say it's not so surprising.
By coinsidence, I listened to a podcast today which, amongst other things, suggested what men and women expect from casual sex is quite different.

PaulRevere · 18/12/2025 14:35

Maybe not common, but it's hardly unknown?

But consent is everything! It's not ok for the first guy to do it without asking, but surely it's ok for the second one to ask, because otherwise how will he know!!

Slawit · 18/12/2025 15:53

One of my old partners (female) loved being spanked but not really my thing.

StarlightLady · 18/12/2025 16:38

PaulRevere · 18/12/2025 14:35

Maybe not common, but it's hardly unknown?

But consent is everything! It's not ok for the first guy to do it without asking, but surely it's ok for the second one to ask, because otherwise how will he know!!

Hardly unknown? True! And it does cause a blood rush to that part of the body. But on the first or second encounter? No!

Original poster

Jokethecoalwoman · 18/12/2025 16:38

PaulRevere · 18/12/2025 14:35

Maybe not common, but it's hardly unknown?

But consent is everything! It's not ok for the first guy to do it without asking, but surely it's ok for the second one to ask, because otherwise how will he know!!

Yes exactly. Perfectly happy to lay everything on the table so to speak and find out likes and dislikes.
I was just a bit surprised that two guys in close succession were into it.

OP posts:

Original poster

Jokethecoalwoman · 18/12/2025 16:39

mnmnddddd · 18/12/2025 13:42

I've known people who enjoy spanking and/or being spanked, but the important thing is whether or not you are. If a partner doesn't ask consent first, I wouldn't give the a second chance.
I'd say it's disappointing that someone would raise it on a first date, or even before ... but you haven't said how you've met these men. If it's through Feeld / FAB / etc (you used the term "hook ups") and you've expressed any interest in kink, I'd say it's not so surprising.
By coinsidence, I listened to a podcast today which, amongst other things, suggested what men and women expect from casual sex is quite different.

Oh no that chat was perfectly fine, they are hook ups, not dates.

OP posts:

Gymbunny2025 · 18/12/2025 16:53

mnmnddddd · 18/12/2025 13:42

I've known people who enjoy spanking and/or being spanked, but the important thing is whether or not you are. If a partner doesn't ask consent first, I wouldn't give the a second chance.
I'd say it's disappointing that someone would raise it on a first date, or even before ... but you haven't said how you've met these men. If it's through Feeld / FAB / etc (you used the term "hook ups") and you've expressed any interest in kink, I'd say it's not so surprising.
By coinsidence, I listened to a podcast today which, amongst other things, suggested what men and women expect from casual sex is quite different.

That’s interesting what were the differences in expectations of casual sex?

mnmnddddd · 18/12/2025 22:53

Gymbunny2025 · 18/12/2025 16:53

That’s interesting what were the differences in expectations of casual sex?

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I think they basically said men would be happy with a shag in an alley behind a dumpster (it's an American podcast), whilst wome want a nice meal and to feel an emotional connection first.

SnowflakeSmasher86 · 19/12/2025 01:17

For me it’s an odd thing to want to do to someone else. I quite enjoy being spanked in various places, but I would be uncomfortable with a man who wants to do it. The rush of blood, increased sensation, tingling afterwards etc can all make for a fun time but what does he get out of it if it’s not something you have asked for? A tingly hand? Or a power play? I’d worry he enjoys hitting women tbh.

Sctty · 19/12/2025 02:22

Think it’s all about being in the moment.. don’t think I would be asking someone to do it before hand but if they asked to be spanked in the moment I would be all for it!

Original poster

Jokethecoalwoman · 19/12/2025 06:28

SnowflakeSmasher86 · 19/12/2025 01:17

For me it’s an odd thing to want to do to someone else. I quite enjoy being spanked in various places, but I would be uncomfortable with a man who wants to do it. The rush of blood, increased sensation, tingling afterwards etc can all make for a fun time but what does he get out of it if it’s not something you have asked for? A tingly hand? Or a power play? I’d worry he enjoys hitting women tbh.

This is my concern. Why would they want to hit someone? Especially when I have expressed no desire to be hit.
I'm comparing it to choking, actually. Which a man has "tried" with me without consent in the past.

OP posts:

SnowflakeSmasher86 · 19/12/2025 09:35

Jokethecoalwoman · 19/12/2025 06:28

This is my concern. Why would they want to hit someone? Especially when I have expressed no desire to be hit.
I'm comparing it to choking, actually. Which a man has "tried" with me without consent in the past.

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Exactly that. Sometimes again “breath play” or whatever can be stimulating for the person that’s having it done. I guess there’s an element of wanting to do something that someone enjoys even if you don’t get anything out of it yourself. But to actively WANT to choke or spank someone who has expressed no desire for that is just porn fuelled misogyny in action.

PaulRevere · 20/12/2025 16:26

StarlightLady · 18/12/2025 16:38

Hardly unknown? True! And it does cause a blood rush to that part of the body. But on the first or second encounter? No!

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Well I recently hooked up with someone for first time and he did give me a few smacks - but he knew I liked it, and if he'd done it once and I didn't like I would have made it immediately clear.

But I really don't think we should be equating BDSM or dom/sub play or just a few spanks with someone wanting to hit or hurt anyone! That's really an awful thing to say.

PaulRevere · 20/12/2025 16:40

I quite enjoy being spanked in various places, but I would be uncomfortable with a man who wants to do it.

So ... you only want to be spanked by a woman? Or you think your enjoyment of it is somehow problematic?

mnmnddddd · 20/12/2025 19:06

I think it's a really subtle difference. Wanting to inflict pain for your own pleasure is not a mindset I'm comfortable with. Wanting to give someone else pleasure (in the form of their pain) is easier to understand.

ShesTheAlbatross · 20/12/2025 20:25

SnowflakeSmasher86 · 19/12/2025 01:17

For me it’s an odd thing to want to do to someone else. I quite enjoy being spanked in various places, but I would be uncomfortable with a man who wants to do it. The rush of blood, increased sensation, tingling afterwards etc can all make for a fun time but what does he get out of it if it’s not something you have asked for? A tingly hand? Or a power play? I’d worry he enjoys hitting women tbh.

DH likes doing it because I like it. I don’t like it particularly hard or anything, just the change in sensation I guess. It was something I had to bring up first.

I would not at all have liked someone doing it without discussion.

SnowflakeSmasher86 · 20/12/2025 21:48

PaulRevere · 20/12/2025 16:40

I quite enjoy being spanked in various places, but I would be uncomfortable with a man who wants to do it.

So ... you only want to be spanked by a woman? Or you think your enjoyment of it is somehow problematic?

No and no. I think their enjoyment of it is problematic. Do you have a problem with basic reading comprehension?

SnowflakeSmasher86 · 20/12/2025 21:49

My DP and ex were both happy to oblige but for my pleasure not their own.

Zanatdy · 20/12/2025 21:58

Well I love a bit of a spanking (light, nothing major) but no men have ever suggested it, which is a shame!

PaulRevere · 21/12/2025 02:22

SnowflakeSmasher86 · 20/12/2025 21:49

My DP and ex were both happy to oblige but for my pleasure not their own.

I think I'd be uncomfortable having someone do something they weren't enjoying!

And yes, I'm sure that you would say that they're enjoying your reaction or whatever. But I think I only want someone to spank/etc me who just uncomplicatedly enjoys it.