Spanking?

[Jokethecoalwoman]

I'm back on the dating scene after a very very long time.
I hooked up with a guy I know a few weeks ago. During sex he smacked my bum a couple of times.

I'm now arranging a hook up with someone else and he's suggested smacking my bum.

The first guy took me by surprise, I'll be telling the second guy I'm not into bum smacking.

But since two guys in a row have been into it, is this common? How often do guys generally decide to just smack you?!
One was early 30s, other mid 40s.

Are you familiar with the idea of "compersion"?

What's that?

Personally a light slap during sex I enjoy. But to me spanking is different to that

Glad it’s not just me!

I don't think it's ever ok to just start spabking a new partner
Best way is to place a hand on the ass & wait for instruction / guidance from the partner
Let them tell you

@Catullus5 @Gymbunny2025 I promise Googling it is very nearly not NSFW. 😉
TLDR: the sefless enjoyment of someone else's pleasure.

Yes.

But the PP said that she was uncomfortable with a man who wants to do it, and that was what I was more interested in. Also I don't really see how the reluctant/compersive (?) spanker is going to really be enthusiastic and effective.

A male perspective for what it's worth. I hessite to say upfront, it's not something I'm into, but I have done it because it was requested by an ex partner who was a bit of a sub. I must admit I did enjoy it, I felt empowered. And that's what would concern me about any male that asked if he can to do this at the start of a relationship, does he want to dominate you?

I was trying to say it depends on their motivation.
If the spanker gets pleasure from the act of spanking and inflicting pain, that's quite different from them getting pleasure from giving pleasure to the spankee. If the spankee actively enjoys being spanked, the spanker is almost irrelevant, because spanking becomes an act of giving rather than doing.
Equally, if the spankers pleasure is compersively rooted in giving pleasure, they could potentially ignore any discomfort of their own, as giving pleasure becomes the priority, and then they could spank as enthusiastically as the spankee needs.
(It's possible I'm overthinking this. )

100% this. I thought I was clear but as Paul is committed to misunderstanding, I don’t want a man to spank me because HE enjoys it, I want him to spank me because I enjoy it, which he wouldn’t know if he hasn’t asked. That’s not to say I want him to be uncomfortable doing it, but that the act of doing it is for me. Not for him. Any man who comes in hot with wanting to be dominating isn’t doing it because he knows the woman wants it, but because he does. That’s what I’m not comfortable with. Similarly a man who wants to go down on you because he gets a kick out of it rather than because it gives ME pleasure is not someone I feel comfortable with. Obviously I want him to do it willingly and happily but if it’s his pleasure at the forefront it’s not going to be good for me, he needs to be attuned to my feelings about it and my experience of it. Otherwise it’s a bit fetishistic.

I'm not "committed to misunderstanding" and I don't know why you're being rude to me on this thread. I think it's interesting to properly consider our motivations and desires, and as this is a public forum for discussing sex and sexual practices, it should be ok to ask questions or add QRcomment.

You and @mnmnddddd (for the record, I don't think you are overthinking, I think it's really good to be self aware!) have now described your feelings in more depth, and it's helped me see my own more clearly. For comparison, if a man says to me that his favourite thing in the world is to eat pussy, my reaction is "have at it" 😂

The kick out of going down on someone comes from giving them pleasure no?

Not everyone's the same @Sctty !

Butts are interesting. They can look really enticing but it's hard to know how to translate the desire for them into something physical. You can smack them or whip them, or caress them or kiss them, or some people lick stuff off them. They don't have an obvious way to be used like a dick. I think smacking someone on the ass shouldn't ever hurt, really, unless you're both quite seriously into BDSM which seems not the case. Stinging for a second or two usually, but not hurt. And it's very normal and very healthy but if you're not into it, they should totally find another way to connect with your butt. Kissing all over is good, or stroking, or squeezing and caressing. It's all coming from the same place. Just wanting to play with the beautiful butt.

Some people really like and actually want to get spanked on their butt, and for them it probably feels good. They should feel free to ask for what they want. But if it's not for you, just say hey, could you <something else> instead? No big deal. And they're not porn fiends for wanting to smack your ass.

@snrubb - You appear to be in the habit of resurrecting old posts.

I'm sorry officer I didn't know there was a cut off. Am I in some sort of trouble :)

Yeah, watch out, you might get a spanking 😂

I enjoyed your post! Bums are very lovable 🍑

I remember enjoying spanking about 10-15 years ago and encouraging it from partners. Looking back I think I liked the idea of being naughty without having to be that naughty. Now I’m 40 and more experienced and confident, I know there are plenty of better ways to be naughty so won’t bother with spanking, although it wouldn’t bother me if a man did it. I think some men get carried away, maybe take it as a compliment of a great ass!