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Original poster

First time together

37 replies

AreWeThereYet69 · 01/12/2025 21:03

I'd sex with someone, after 5 dates, for the first time this weekend. It was good. Not amazing but definitely potential there (We'd both had a couple of drinks which isn't ideal for me).
I went down on him which he seemed to enjoy but he didnt reciprocate. I find that a bit off. At the end I mentioned it casually and asked if it's something he likes and he said yeah sometimes.
Its kinda a deal breaker for me as it's usually the only way I climax.
What do people think? Selfish lover or common enough not to return the favour?
I suppose my last encounters have all been very keen to reciprocate

OP posts:
Gymbunny2025 · 01/12/2025 21:22

He said yeah sometimes because he couldn’t really be honest and say he doesn’t enjoy it. Seems like a non starter. Presumably you didn’t climax?

Original poster
AreWeThereYet69 · 01/12/2025 21:42

Gymbunny2025 · 01/12/2025 21:22

He said yeah sometimes because he couldn’t really be honest and say he doesn’t enjoy it. Seems like a non starter. Presumably you didn’t climax?

Nope I didn't.
He's very well endowed which was a pleasant surprise but wondering if he's a bit selfish due to that...

OP posts:
Gymbunny2025 · 01/12/2025 22:05

Idk if it’s due to his size? As you say most men enjoy it and want to. But some don’t (totally understandable) but they’re not going to be a good partner for a woman who enjoys it

SillyJilly2020 · 01/12/2025 22:35

I wld just tell him next time to do it. See how it goes

BeAppleNow · 01/12/2025 22:38

If He is does want to perform oral- that’s his choice- your choice if it’s a deal breaker

Original poster
AreWeThereYet69 · 01/12/2025 22:40

SillyJilly2020 · 01/12/2025 22:35

I wld just tell him next time to do it. See how it goes

Yeah I think I will. Maybe in the moment is the best way to approach it.
If he doesn't want to it will be a complete mood kill though!

OP posts:
Original poster
AreWeThereYet69 · 01/12/2025 22:42

BeAppleNow · 01/12/2025 22:38

If He is does want to perform oral- that’s his choice- your choice if it’s a deal breaker

Absolutely, of course anyone can say no to anything!
It is a dealbreaker for me. 100°%
I really enjoy giving and receiving. Its just a part of good sex to me

OP posts:
yorkshireteabagman · 02/12/2025 07:35

I don't think he will have avoided going down there due to having a big penis!
It's a deal breaker so even if it kills the mood it needs requesting again and then you'll pretty much get your answer on compatibility

mbonfield · 02/12/2025 08:27

Might be an idea to talk through what the issue is maybe an issue with a previous partner, taste or smell.
May have to give him an ultimatum and no more BJ's for him!

StarlightLady · 02/12/2025 08:54

In the past l have been criticised on MN, for having a little conversation before the first time with someone. But it does prevent occurrences like this. For me, in short, no oral, no entry.

Gymbunny2025 · 02/12/2025 09:27

StarlightLady · 02/12/2025 08:54

In the past l have been criticised on MN, for having a little conversation before the first time with someone. But it does prevent occurrences like this. For me, in short, no oral, no entry.

Completely agree. I’m also shocked he didn’t make sure she had climaxed at least once before entry! That would tell me everything I need to know!

BeAppleNow · 02/12/2025 10:22

StarlightLady · 02/12/2025 08:54

In the past l have been criticised on MN, for having a little conversation before the first time with someone. But it does prevent occurrences like this. For me, in short, no oral, no entry.

Or no entry no oral in this day and age - things work both ways

StarlightLady · 02/12/2025 10:45

BeAppleNow · 02/12/2025 10:22

Or no entry no oral in this day and age - things work both ways

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One usually leads to the other, but if someone isn’t prepared to put the effort in, then l don’t want to share my body with them. Nobody is forced to have sex with me, if there are things they don’t fancy doing.

Gymbunny2025 · 02/12/2025 11:28

BeAppleNow · 02/12/2025 10:22

Or no entry no oral in this day and age - things work both ways

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Well that’s exactly what happened in this case. And the reason OP is considering ending things 😂

what a very odd attitude you have. To demand piv before oral sex

BeAppleNow · 02/12/2025 11:34

Gymbunny2025 · 02/12/2025 11:28

Well that’s exactly what happened in this case. And the reason OP is considering ending things 😂

what a very odd attitude you have. To demand piv before oral sex

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Why ? - just suppose neither party had a penis ? Or both possibly both have

not everyone is the going to be the same, your thinking is a bit rigid

StarlightLady · 02/12/2025 11:52

BeAppleNow · 02/12/2025 11:34

Why ? - just suppose neither party had a penis ? Or both possibly both have

not everyone is the going to be the same, your thinking is a bit rigid

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❓❓❓Now l am confused. I really don’t get this. I’m one of the first to complain about heterosexual assumptions from others, but it would appear here that we are talking about one penis being involved. In plain English a man and a woman. That is what we are discussing.

Gymbunny2025 · 02/12/2025 12:09

BeAppleNow · 02/12/2025 11:34

Why ? - just suppose neither party had a penis ? Or both possibly both have

not everyone is the going to be the same, your thinking is a bit rigid

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We are talking about a man penetrating a woman… that’s what piv means!

Original poster
AreWeThereYet69 · 02/12/2025 12:20

I'm having a text conversation with him about it now. He opened the conversation by saying what he'd enjoyed in our encounter. I said id enjoyed too albeit it was a bit drunken. I said I was surprised he hadn't gone down and asked if it was something he likes doing. His response was, I love 69s!!!

OP posts:
Gymbunny2025 · 02/12/2025 12:29

AreWeThereYet69 · 02/12/2025 12:20

I'm having a text conversation with him about it now. He opened the conversation by saying what he'd enjoyed in our encounter. I said id enjoyed too albeit it was a bit drunken. I said I was surprised he hadn't gone down and asked if it was something he likes doing. His response was, I love 69s!!!

That’s twice he’s avoided saying yes (or admitting no) to the simple question do you love oral…

IHE · 02/12/2025 12:57

Please don't judge a partner on a single sexual encounter. (T&C apply.) It's impossible to know what drives someone the first time you have sex with them. And just because he's not comfortable saying something, it doesnt mean they aren't or won't be comfortable doing it.
Curiosity. Communication. Compassion.

@Gymbunny2025 From his answer, "I love 69s!!", how do you read that he's not willing to give oral sex? To me, that says he loves performing oral. Maybe he prefers mutual pleasuring than focussing exclusively on a partner. Maybe he's previously been in a relationship which was underpinned by a distorted power dynamic. Maybe his exes haven't liked oral and he's thrown by a woman who likes it. Maybe he has neck problems that would make a 69 comfortable but "missionary" cunnilingus painful for him (chin up vs chin down). Maybe there's something else that he's just not comfortable opening up about in brand new relationship. Maybe he's a selfish .
3 strikes and he's out, maybe. But surely not just one.

Gymbunny2025 · 02/12/2025 13:06

IHE · 02/12/2025 12:57

Please don't judge a partner on a single sexual encounter. (T&C apply.) It's impossible to know what drives someone the first time you have sex with them. And just because he's not comfortable saying something, it doesnt mean they aren't or won't be comfortable doing it.
Curiosity. Communication. Compassion.

@Gymbunny2025 From his answer, "I love 69s!!", how do you read that he's not willing to give oral sex? To me, that says he loves performing oral. Maybe he prefers mutual pleasuring than focussing exclusively on a partner. Maybe he's previously been in a relationship which was underpinned by a distorted power dynamic. Maybe his exes haven't liked oral and he's thrown by a woman who likes it. Maybe he has neck problems that would make a 69 comfortable but "missionary" cunnilingus painful for him (chin up vs chin down). Maybe there's something else that he's just not comfortable opening up about in brand new relationship. Maybe he's a selfish .
3 strikes and he's out, maybe. But surely not just one.

Well have one guess what he loves about 69!

he has had 2 opportunities to say that he loves oral. He didn’t. He had an opportunity to demonstrate that he loves oral. He didn’t.

i suspect if OP gives him another chance, he’ll make a half arsed attempt at it to show willing, then move on to piv.

Original poster
AreWeThereYet69 · 02/12/2025 13:07

IHE · 02/12/2025 12:57

Please don't judge a partner on a single sexual encounter. (T&C apply.) It's impossible to know what drives someone the first time you have sex with them. And just because he's not comfortable saying something, it doesnt mean they aren't or won't be comfortable doing it.
Curiosity. Communication. Compassion.

@Gymbunny2025 From his answer, "I love 69s!!", how do you read that he's not willing to give oral sex? To me, that says he loves performing oral. Maybe he prefers mutual pleasuring than focussing exclusively on a partner. Maybe he's previously been in a relationship which was underpinned by a distorted power dynamic. Maybe his exes haven't liked oral and he's thrown by a woman who likes it. Maybe he has neck problems that would make a 69 comfortable but "missionary" cunnilingus painful for him (chin up vs chin down). Maybe there's something else that he's just not comfortable opening up about in brand new relationship. Maybe he's a selfish .
3 strikes and he's out, maybe. But surely not just one.

Totally agree @IHE Its too early to tell if we're compatible. There was definitely enough pleasure for me to want another round!
And yeah he was his last partner a long time. Who knows what her preferences are.
I'm being very explicit about what I like. As is he. Which im taking as a good sign

OP posts:
BeAppleNow · 02/12/2025 17:57

Gymbunny2025 · 02/12/2025 13:06

Well have one guess what he loves about 69!

he has had 2 opportunities to say that he loves oral. He didn’t. He had an opportunity to demonstrate that he loves oral. He didn’t.

i suspect if OP gives him another chance, he’ll make a half arsed attempt at it to show willing, then move on to piv.

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Wow - how judgmental

Gymbunny2025 · 02/12/2025 18:31

BeAppleNow · 02/12/2025 17:57

Wow - how judgmental

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Correct! I am making a judgement about his attitude towards oral sex based on what the OP has said. Which was the reason she posted…

U53rName · 03/12/2025 11:27

Right. So he’s happy to receive, and not happy to reciprocate; and any discussion is brushed off, unless he’s receiving in parallel via 69. Happy to have time dedicated to only his pleasure, yet not happy to dedicate any time to only your pleasure.

And he climaxed himself, without any concern to whether or not you did. Cool.

Presumably he’s expecting you to be one of the 15% of women who can climax from intercourse, and if not…not his problem.

Sounds like a keeper.

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