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Original poster

New mans manhood not hitting the spot

45 replies

BootsandCatss · 27/08/2025 17:29

In a fairly new relationship, he’s a good guy treats me well etc. the issue is sex… I’ve always had a high sex drive and for me it’s quite an important part of a relationship however he just doesn’t satisfy me in the slightest, he’s got a small penis and in all honesty I can’t feel anything when we have sex, I’ve communicated things that I like with foreplay but he just can’t get me off at all no matter what he does. I’ve suggested sex toys but he’s not into that, it’s becoming embarrassing and I’m getting really frustrated by it to the point I don’t even want it anymore which is unlike me. I really can’t see it getting better.

Am I being unreasonable in thinking this is a deal breaker for me?

OP posts:
Lillibridge · 27/08/2025 17:46

Attraction is very subjective, but definitely in the early stages of a relationship sex is very important. Not sure what to say, if its so small that you can't feel it then its not going to get any better. A penis has to be at least big enough to give pleasure downstairs. Also, big ones are easy on the eye!

NPET · 27/08/2025 17:55

I don't often get the chance to admit this here, but small ones don't do it for me either. They tickle rather than hitting the spot.
One suggestion (if you want to stick with him) - you can take complete control and physically pull him into place (sounds painful but I've actually found it - well "exciting" is probably the wrong word, but something like that). It really does mean in effect he's surrendering to you though, so some men are loathe to.

Lillibridge · 27/08/2025 18:06

NPET · 27/08/2025 17:55

I don't often get the chance to admit this here, but small ones don't do it for me either. They tickle rather than hitting the spot.
One suggestion (if you want to stick with him) - you can take complete control and physically pull him into place (sounds painful but I've actually found it - well "exciting" is probably the wrong word, but something like that). It really does mean in effect he's surrendering to you though, so some men are loathe to.

Yes, I'd imagine that to maintain any arousal you would have to change the dynamic completely. Or, find a man with a bigger cock. Doesn't have to be a whopper, but something that'll hit the spot.

Steph341 · 27/08/2025 18:10

He can't change it so I would end it, IMO anything like this is a dealbreaker. No point dragging this misery fest out, let him find someone who's not bothered (I couldn't care less).

Smithey588 · 27/08/2025 18:46

He’ll know he’s got a small penis, no doubt he will have also been told this by other partners and there’s a high chance relationships have ended because of it. The fact that he isn’t willing to try toys indicates he’s probably selfish in bed.

There are so many things he could do to make sex more satisfying for you, but it sounds like you’re at a dead end.

Original poster
BootsandCatss · 27/08/2025 19:14

I do feel awful because I know it’s something he can’t help, but yes he does seem selfish, or maybe even oblivious to the fact I’m not enjoying it? I’ve never faked it and been rather quiet but any suggestions seem to go straight over his head.

OP posts:
Lillibridge · 27/08/2025 19:20

BootsandCatss · 27/08/2025 19:14

I do feel awful because I know it’s something he can’t help, but yes he does seem selfish, or maybe even oblivious to the fact I’m not enjoying it? I’ve never faked it and been rather quiet but any suggestions seem to go straight over his head.

Go and find yourself a lovely man, whose kind considerate and supportive, who also has a truncheon down his trousers! You deserve it!

Dilemma654 · 27/08/2025 19:21

I was in a similar situation and, at my age, decided the high quality companionship was more important to me than half decent sex.

And I love sex. But the 95% of him I enjoy means I put up with the 5% of below par sex. After 18 months, he's improved, but it's still not a patch on the previous sex I've had.

In my 20s/30s my answer would have been different. In my 50s, after a very long marriage, I choose him.

Only you can decide if it's a deal breaker for you in your situation.

Original poster
BootsandCatss · 27/08/2025 19:33

@Dilemma654 I am early 30s and I do think to myself could I put up with this for the next 30+ years? Definitely not… you say your partner has improved? Is that down to him taking into consideration what you’ve communicated? As he just doesn’t seem to take anything I say on board.

We’re barely 3 months in and I’m already at a point where I don’t want to have sex with him whereas I’m usually all over my partner especially so early on.

OP posts:
3luckystars · 27/08/2025 19:59

No way. Move on. All the best x

Dilemma654 · 27/08/2025 20:21

He's improved because he's observed my responses and listened to my noises @BootsandCatss

It's as if my words telling him what I liked were less important to him than him finding out for himself.

I also introduced a few moves that to me were basic, but were revelatory to him. I also played with my vibe in front of him. And let him play with it on me too. Again mind blowing to him, but standard for me.

It's taken him a while, but he finally feels confident in front of me to let go. Which has helped him improve.

It's time I was happy to invest, as I see him in the rest of my life. Early 30s? Probably not.

Lillibridge · 28/08/2025 06:06

As someone who has a small penis, I know what it feels like not to measure up. But I think its all about being a considerate lover. That will hold him in good stead.

In my life experience, size does matter to a point and I don't think there's any shame in saying that. Women often describe feeling full with a man of good size. I presuming that feeling leads to a better sexual experience if the msn knows what he's doing.

Smaller guys need more in their armoury and if this fella isn't showing any consideration during sex, then it's only been three months. Ditch him.

GentleElephant · 28/08/2025 08:49

BootsandCatss · 27/08/2025 17:29

In a fairly new relationship, he’s a good guy treats me well etc. the issue is sex… I’ve always had a high sex drive and for me it’s quite an important part of a relationship however he just doesn’t satisfy me in the slightest, he’s got a small penis and in all honesty I can’t feel anything when we have sex, I’ve communicated things that I like with foreplay but he just can’t get me off at all no matter what he does. I’ve suggested sex toys but he’s not into that, it’s becoming embarrassing and I’m getting really frustrated by it to the point I don’t even want it anymore which is unlike me. I really can’t see it getting better.

Am I being unreasonable in thinking this is a deal breaker for me?

Foreplay is very important to most parts of sex it sets the tone, mood, the erotica of intensity.
He should listen and read the body reactions if he wants to get better and satisfy his partner.

Small penis well the only help u can get out there are penis sleeves, different size, styles, types and textures could help

mbonfield · 28/08/2025 09:17

I think it is time to move on. As you say what could this be like in 30 years.

Good luck OP.

SportGirl · 29/08/2025 10:12

Small Penis never did it for me either unfortunately they are just not satisfying

Wendywooooo · 29/08/2025 11:45

I'd move on, it's not going to change and it's always going to be an issue, Over time it'll become more of an issue. It's not something you're just going to learn to live with.

Seems harsh, but it'll be easier in the long run

whatrthechances · 29/08/2025 12:23

Im in the same situation op. Been seeing my new man less than 1 month and was incredibly disappointed when I first saw his small penis and knew it wasn't going to work for me. I haven't been with many men but my previous LTR was on the larger size and very satisfying, new guy is tiny in comparison.
It's so unfair that nature has given men such varying penis sizes. And the saying size doesn't matter is absolutely rubbish as for me and most women I suppose It really does matter.
To top it all my new man is quite selfish in bed and seems to only care about his own satisfaction, ive pleasured him in all ways, but he doesn't reciprocate unfortunately. I shall be moving on.

Original poster
BootsandCatss · 29/08/2025 12:50

@whatrthechances this is exactly how it is for me. My ex is very well endowed and loved to please me, but new man doesn’t seem to care as long as his needs are being met.

I spoke to him last night to tell him it wasn’t working for me and that we should go our separate ways, he wasn’t happy about it said it was a me problem as no one else had ever complained and it must be my past that’s causing the issue which I find bizarre as I’ve only had sex with 3 people before him. He apologised this morning for his outburst but after the disrespect I’ve nothing else to say to him.

OP posts:
NPET · 29/08/2025 13:05

SportGirl · 29/08/2025 10:12

Small Penis never did it for me either unfortunately they are just not satisfying

Same here. Does annoy me when women say "size doesn't matter". What they mean is it doesn't matter FOR THEM!

Girlmom35 · 29/08/2025 14:18

BootsandCatss · 29/08/2025 12:50

@whatrthechances this is exactly how it is for me. My ex is very well endowed and loved to please me, but new man doesn’t seem to care as long as his needs are being met.

I spoke to him last night to tell him it wasn’t working for me and that we should go our separate ways, he wasn’t happy about it said it was a me problem as no one else had ever complained and it must be my past that’s causing the issue which I find bizarre as I’ve only had sex with 3 people before him. He apologised this morning for his outburst but after the disrespect I’ve nothing else to say to him.

You certainly dodged a bullet there.
You clearly made the right choice

LlynTegid · 30/08/2025 16:03

I think you made the right decision, and I doubt his 'no one has complained before' response, not that it matters.

LoftyPeachOrca · 16/10/2025 17:17

I think that you made the right decision too. Most guys never stop thinking about their penises, they must be aware that it is small. I had one guy let me know that he was very small when it was clear something was going to happen between us. I respected him for that and went through with it just in case I could feel anything (I couldn't sadly). Another time when another guy hadn't mentioned it and undressed to reveal something the size of one of my fingers, I just said thanks, but no thanks. It might sound harsh, but it is rude to turn up to a party empty handed.

I know that people say that a small guy can make up for it with oral, but I wouldn't stay with a normal sized guy either if oral was part of the package. It should be part of the whole process, not something doled out as compensation.

I really like the comment above about although size isn't important for all women it is for others. Life is too short for bad sex, if sex is still an important part of your life. Yes, it is sad that a small guy may never get to have great sex, but that doesn't mean he should condemn you to a lifetime of bad sex because of something that is to do with him.

YehaaYessir · 16/10/2025 19:39

You definitely did the right thing. If you have a small penis you'd better be good with your tongue or at least be willing to try toys.

I wouldn't be wasting much time with anyone who couldn't make me scream on a regular basis to be honest.

Samedaysameshit · 20/10/2025 22:03

It is strange that these men even get into relationships. They are surely aware that it's not going to work out.

yorkshireteabagman · 21/10/2025 11:54

YehaaYessir · 16/10/2025 19:39

You definitely did the right thing. If you have a small penis you'd better be good with your tongue or at least be willing to try toys.

I wouldn't be wasting much time with anyone who couldn't make me scream on a regular basis to be honest.

bit of a rough comment. A bloke would get ripped to bits if he said a woman better have a great set of tits or have serious skills with her mouth if not 🤔 Which I couldn't imagine saying personally

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