Finished with FWB, now what do I do?

[Nicknamesonhere]

Last week I made the decision to finish with my FWB. I was adamant I wasn’t going to catch feelings for him but lo and behold I did. Now I feel like a part of me is missing. I know I’ll get over this and move on but I’m so annoyed at myself. He was great in every way possible.

I’m left wondering what I really want now…

has anyone caught feelings for their fwb and how did you get over it?
I’m half thinking I find a fuck buddy for the short term whilst I’m going through this (only half joking).

That Sounds tough. Is there a reason you want to avoid catching feelings? Did you discuss becoming a proper couple with him?

Having come out of a long relationship previously, I was never looking for anything serious. The thought of a relationship doesn’t interest me at all.
i never told my fwb how I felt as I know he would’ve been open to becoming exclusive. It was really difficult…maybe I need a rung below fwb? No dates or emotional connection.

its difficult now trying to navigate this.

Could you speak to him about taking things very slow? I would if he’s perfect and I’m assuming the sex is amazing! Nothing needs to change other than your label really!

some posters on here recommend going a lot younger to avoid catching feelings (but still having great sex). That might be an option?

take care of yourself

I hear you.

FWB is a tricky line to walk. I found it easy to not catch feelings with my last FWB, as he made it clear he didn't want a relationship. So I never let myself even think there was a chance.

What we settled into after 4 years was a very lovely situationship. We both needed the friendship and connection to want to have sex - which is why I could never have a FB. Too impersonal.

We had daily texting. We supported each other through life issues. We met each others friends and family. We even went on UK holidays together. But we never fell for each other. It helped that we lived 100 miles apart and only saw each other once a fortnight. It made the sex get better and better.

What I'm trying to get at is if you're in it for the sex, will the sex be as good for you with someone you're less connected to like a FB? What part of a relationship do you not want? Are there any parts you do want? Why did exclusive FWB bother you?

@Gymbunny2025
even if I took things slow my feelings would just keep growing for him. The sex was unreal I doubt any man could please me the way he did, obviously I hope I’m proven wrong.
I have gone younger before, with a 25yr old when I was 40! It was great but his inexperience was showing which was off putting.

@OfcourseitsaNC
its amazing after 4 yrs you’ve stuck to that mindset. I need your strength!
if I did all that stuff such as meet families, holidays together etc I’d just fall for him even more 😬

im hoping a FB will just give me mind blowing sex, once in the mood it doesn’t really matter to me if I have the emotional connection. I’d rather not as I don’t want to fall again for someone.

I was in a long marriage for years and years, gave it my all. That is what has ultimately put me off being in a relationship again.

Again, I hear you! I was married for over 20 years and was in it for life.

My xFWB was my first after my marriage. His very clear boundaries at the start made me always look at him as my Mr Right Now, not my Mr Right. That outlook helped a lot in the not catching feelings arena.

I had several ONS while with xFWB, and a 2nd FWB for a year. The ONS were crappy sex, as I didn't have a connection with them. 2nd FWB started as a FB, but we started chatting more and more, and the sex got better because of it. He then decided he'd fallen in love with me, so I ended that.

I personally don't think great sex can happen unless there's an emotional connection there too. There's a difference between an emotional connection and falling for someone. XFWB and I ended up being really great mates, and I got to fuck him too.

If you think a FB will work for you, then I hope you have fun finding one that meets your needs.

FWBs usually always end up messy with someone wanting more in the end

Well that’s just it, I think finding a FB will be more trickier than finding a FWB.
the questions I’m left with are do I have to have a lot of ONS before I find a decent FB?
Where do I even begin with a FB search?
and ultimately, if I do find the right man to become a FB how do I even bring it up in conversation?!

I know I’m probably overthinking it and should just go with the flow but thinking out loud, I don’t think I’d be comfortable knowing a potential FB is also a FB to someone else.

or should I just go down the FWB route again but have the mindset and constantly remind myself that he’s just a fwb nothing more, nothing less?

Feeld is your friend. It's similar to a dating site, but for a FBs or similar.

It's whatever works for you @Nicknamesonhere

Agree that Feeld will help your search.

If you're not comfy with a FB having other FBs, then it maybe isn't for you.

Having said that, FWB isn't being exclusive either, unless that's the arrangement you make at the start.

On a side note, knowing my xFWB didn't want a relationship meant I never caught the feels. You say you don't want a relationship, yet you caught the feels for your FWB. You said he would have been exclusive if you'd asked, yet you didn't. But you're uncomfortable with a new FB having other FBs.

I think it's really important for you that you decide what you DO want, and be sure of that, before you head into your next adventure.

I know I’m coming across really indecisive, guess I need to take time considering what it is I really want first before jumping into anything else. The only thing I know for certain is I don’t want a relationship.

personally I think you made a mistake. Just carry on with him, and don't worry about the feelings. Your life is better with him in it. So just enjoy and take it as it comes (...).

because you won't get over him. And unlikely for him to be usurped. So don't lose him. You'll regret it. Get messaging him tn and say wtf I don't know what's wrong me with, sorry, let's carry on.

I'm just about to end a FWB relationship. When your instincts know then they know!
It's the right thing to do for all concerned.

Maybe a somewhat controversial response? I’m old school and prefer to refer to “lovers” rather than FWB. To me there is a difference but that would take a lengthy explanation.

l would suggest having a minimum of 2 lovers (not seen together!) at any one time. Both to be aware of each other but ne’r the twain shall meet. That way you have fun and a support network and it does help prevent emotions ruling your head.

Please can you explain @StarlightLady ? I'd love to hear why you use lovers.

@valentinka31
easier said than done, yes I had a great amount of fun with him but if I do that, then that’s me wifed up again. I don’t want to be anyone’s no matter how much it hurts right now. Everyday I’m not in contact with him is a day closer to not having feelings for him anymore..sounds sickening I know but I have to.

@StarlightLady
this sounds ideal, 2 fwb on the go. Not sure about them knowing of each other is a good thing, they’d either be more competitive and give me the greatest sex (win for me 🤣) or jealously may ensue.

I agree with @valentinka31. Also having feelings for someone doesn’t mean you ever have to be ‘wifed up’ again. You don’t have to live together or see each other every day. You can just carry on as you are but you acknowledge that you have feelings. Sex is sooooo much better when you mean something to each other too

I agree with @StarlightLady
i had 2 fwb on the go at the same time for a short period of time and it worked really well! Plenty of attention, and you can’t get caught up in feelings so easily with multiple lovers.

Did they know about each other? It sounds tempting to go down this route with the way you’ve described.

Yes they knew about each other 👍🏻

Fwb can be an exclusive arrangement, as long as you're both on the same page with that. That's my preference. Feels safer in terms of stis and as long as you have matched desire and drive it can work well.

Being in a relationship doesn't necessarily mean being 'wifed up' and it should never mean you belong to someone. There's many levels of relationship in between FB and marriage. I've been with my dp for years, we're exclusive and care deeply about each other, but we don't share finances, or live together, and we only see each other once a fortnight, or when caring for our own DC allows it. It started off as fwb.

@NorthernJim
that sounds like the perfect set up in my eyes. I think coming out of a life term sentence of a marriage has completely put me off being committed to anyone right now.
didn’t think I was going to fall my fwb, unfortunately I did and I ultimately ran.
whether that’s a mistake or not it’s something I’ve made peace with and won’t be returning to him.

@SecretRoses45
sorry to keep harping on about this..but did you experience any jealousy or competitiveness from either of them?

My 2 FWB knew about each other.

No jealousy or competitiveness from them. They enjoyed the 1 on 1 time we had together. They knew we weren't exclusive. I know one of them was definitely having sex elsewhere too.

@Nicknamesonhere the dating game has changed significantly since you got married 20 years ago. I had to take some time to get my head around it and once I did, I had an absolute ball!

that seriously sounds awesome…hope that magic comes towards me 😆

ah don’t I know it! Men just don’t approach anymore, either it’s me or it has changed!