Page 2 | Finished with FWB, now what do I do?

Nicknamesonhere · 2025-08-20T18:50:30+00:00

Last week I made the decision to finish with my FWB. I was adamant I wasn’t going to catch feelings for him but lo and behold I did. Now I feel like a part of me is missing. I know I’ll get over this and move on but I’m so annoyed at myself. He was great in every way possible. I’m left wondering what I really want now… has anyone caught feelings for their fwb and how did you get over it? I’m half thinking I find a fuck buddy for the short term whilst I’m going through this (only half joking).

valentinka31 · 22/08/2025 21:35

StarlightLady · 22/08/2025 07:18

Maybe a somewhat controversial response? I’m old school and prefer to refer to “lovers” rather than FWB. To me there is a difference but that would take a lengthy explanation.

l would suggest having a minimum of 2 lovers (not seen together!) at any one time. Both to be aware of each other but ne’r the twain shall meet. That way you have fun and a support network and it does help prevent emotions ruling your head.

yes this is what I mean too.

2 lovers.

1 main, 1 second.

No, not at the same time. A reasonable gap between meetings. To be respectable and fair, at least 4.5 days.

valentinka31 · 22/08/2025 21:48

Nicknamesonhere · 22/08/2025 18:51

that seriously sounds awesome…hope that magic comes towards me 😆

ah don’t I know it! Men just don’t approach anymore, either it’s me or it has changed!

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maybe you would find a way to talk with some guys, online, then a meeting after some time of knowing each other would be natural and more significant.

OfcourseitsaNC · 23/08/2025 07:57

4.5 days is very precise @valentinka31 !

ThisRareFox · 24/08/2025 08:52

A FWB situation would never work for me. I’d, eventually, find it unfulfilling as it doesn’t provide everything else you want/need from a relationship. I also have to have feelings for someone before I would take anything further…which isn’t a good start to just a FWB relationship.

I think (even though you say you aren’t) you’re looking for more…

twilightcafe · 26/08/2025 08:39

I think you're throwing the baby out with the bathwater.

You don't have to get wifed up again with him (unless, deep down you want to).

Get back in touch with him - have a grown-up chat about what you want from him and carry on having a lovely time as before.
Sounds like heaven to me!

valentinka31 · 26/08/2025 22:21

Gymbunny2025 · 22/08/2025 08:12

I agree with @valentinka31. Also having feelings for someone doesn’t mean you ever have to be ‘wifed up’ again. You don’t have to live together or see each other every day. You can just carry on as you are but you acknowledge that you have feelings. Sex is sooooo much better when you mean something to each other too

oh @Gymbunny2025 , I always agree with what you say 😊You are right. Just liking someone, respecting them, having a sexual narrative and story with them, that you love, doesn't mean you are tied down. Personally I too would build off that good platform that seems to have been established, rather than running for the hills.

I would literally say 'I tried to cut it with you as was feeling attached, and I don't want to be, but can we work this out somehow so that we are available to each other but not tied down?'

valentinka31 · 26/08/2025 22:24

twilightcafe · 26/08/2025 08:39

I think you're throwing the baby out with the bathwater.

You don't have to get wifed up again with him (unless, deep down you want to).

Get back in touch with him - have a grown-up chat about what you want from him and carry on having a lovely time as before.
Sounds like heaven to me!

Edited

absolutely agree.

OP it's not easy to find someone you like. Don't chuck it up.

valentinka31 · 26/08/2025 22:33

OfcourseitsaNC · 23/08/2025 07:57

4.5 days is very precise @valentinka31 !

hahaha and very practical. What I am going to say now might be construed as very very bad, but I think it's respectful and sensible and fair. So ... it's all based on how long it takes for semen to leave my body. (...) (sorry for that scientific and yet still no doubt shocking reference 😅)

So, let's take the max. scenario of there is a lot of it (he has saved it up for you), and it is shot into you with some force and conviction (...). Some of it will overflow out of you not long afterwards, unless you lie back with your knees bent and don't move (a practised position of mine, I like being full). But whatever you do, at some point you will fall into a happy slumber and your knees will relax and some of it will seep out. Probably also evident the next 24 hours too. Then you might think it's gone, but potentially then up to even 3.5 days you will suddenly be conscious of more coming out (must have been in the parts that other beers don't reach?...).

So then I added on a day for safety/respect. And after 4.5 days then you can safely allow the second in command to go between your legs.

Sorry if that's tmi but I feel it's time we stop pussyfootying around here. Oh and I had a glass of wine 🙄😂

valentinka31 · 26/08/2025 22:34

so really nobody ask me any more questions cos I'll answer truthfully ahah

GentlemanJay · 26/08/2025 22:39

valentinka31 · 26/08/2025 22:33

hahaha and very practical. What I am going to say now might be construed as very very bad, but I think it's respectful and sensible and fair. So ... it's all based on how long it takes for semen to leave my body. (...) (sorry for that scientific and yet still no doubt shocking reference 😅)

So, let's take the max. scenario of there is a lot of it (he has saved it up for you), and it is shot into you with some force and conviction (...). Some of it will overflow out of you not long afterwards, unless you lie back with your knees bent and don't move (a practised position of mine, I like being full). But whatever you do, at some point you will fall into a happy slumber and your knees will relax and some of it will seep out. Probably also evident the next 24 hours too. Then you might think it's gone, but potentially then up to even 3.5 days you will suddenly be conscious of more coming out (must have been in the parts that other beers don't reach?...).

So then I added on a day for safety/respect. And after 4.5 days then you can safely allow the second in command to go between your legs.

Sorry if that's tmi but I feel it's time we stop pussyfootying around here. Oh and I had a glass of wine 🙄😂

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Are you over thinking this? I would always insist on wearing a condom with my FWB. Particular as we are not exclusive.

Communication is key.

valentinka31 · 26/08/2025 22:50

GentlemanJay · 26/08/2025 22:39

Are you over thinking this? I would always insist on wearing a condom with my FWB. Particular as we are not exclusive.

Communication is key.

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I guess it depends on the deal.

OfcourseitsaNC · 26/08/2025 23:33

Not tmi @valentinka31 Thank you for your wined up response. The level of detail made me giggle.

I want to ask you lots of other questions now, just to see what your responses would be too those!!!

valentinka31 · 27/08/2025 10:39

OfcourseitsaNC · 26/08/2025 23:33

Not tmi @valentinka31 Thank you for your wined up response. The level of detail made me giggle.

I want to ask you lots of other questions now, just to see what your responses would be too those!!!

hahaha no it's too late! Portcullis is down again!!

NopeNotFluffy · 27/08/2025 23:23

I am dipping my toes into the FWB water. It’s great fun. So far I have learned that there might be three key elements for me catching feels:

intellectual attraction
physical attraction
emotional connection

and if I only have two this means less likely feels.

I have two FWBs- 1 who is intellectually and physically attractive, but not emotionally available
1 who is physically and emotionally available but not intellectually. (That sounds horrible, he’s smart enough just his brain is not as interesting as the first)

If the first was emotionally available I would be in masses of trouble. I might already be in a bit of trouble so am trying to navigate it by focusing on the other one!

The lesson I think I am learning is that I need someone I can connect to as a friend, who I like as a person and find physically attractive but it’s better if I sleep with someone nice, pretty but not much else. That sounds really mean, and belittling- it’s not meant to but it’s the only way I can stop myself falling for them as I really, really don’t want that entanglement.

Gymbunny2025 · 28/08/2025 04:21

NopeNotFluffy · 27/08/2025 23:23

I am dipping my toes into the FWB water. It’s great fun. So far I have learned that there might be three key elements for me catching feels:

intellectual attraction
physical attraction
emotional connection

and if I only have two this means less likely feels.

I have two FWBs- 1 who is intellectually and physically attractive, but not emotionally available
1 who is physically and emotionally available but not intellectually. (That sounds horrible, he’s smart enough just his brain is not as interesting as the first)

If the first was emotionally available I would be in masses of trouble. I might already be in a bit of trouble so am trying to navigate it by focusing on the other one!

The lesson I think I am learning is that I need someone I can connect to as a friend, who I like as a person and find physically attractive but it’s better if I sleep with someone nice, pretty but not much else. That sounds really mean, and belittling- it’s not meant to but it’s the only way I can stop myself falling for them as I really, really don’t want that entanglement.

I think the first type can be quite toxic (been there done that a few years ago!) But would you really be fully satisfied with the second type?! If so I’d end it with guy one now…

NopeNotFluffy · 28/08/2025 07:32

@Gymbunny2025 I was thinking that because I don’t want an actual relationship, the fact that he isn’t emotionally available might not matter. Do you think it will matter more as time goes on? First time in FWB arrangement so treading carefully through it and would be grateful of your thoughts!

Gymbunny2025 · 28/08/2025 20:32

NopeNotFluffy · 28/08/2025 07:32

@Gymbunny2025 I was thinking that because I don’t want an actual relationship, the fact that he isn’t emotionally available might not matter. Do you think it will matter more as time goes on? First time in FWB arrangement so treading carefully through it and would be grateful of your thoughts!

It’s tricky. But when there is that meeting of minds and sexual chemistry and attraction…. I suspect your feelings will deepen and his won’t. Ask yourself how you will feel if he ghosts you or slow fades or you realise he’s on the apps looking for a relationship… I bet with your second guy you wouldn’t be too bothered? But the first guy?

valentinka31 · 29/08/2025 00:30

NopeNotFluffy · 27/08/2025 23:23

I am dipping my toes into the FWB water. It’s great fun. So far I have learned that there might be three key elements for me catching feels:

intellectual attraction
physical attraction
emotional connection

and if I only have two this means less likely feels.

I have two FWBs- 1 who is intellectually and physically attractive, but not emotionally available
1 who is physically and emotionally available but not intellectually. (That sounds horrible, he’s smart enough just his brain is not as interesting as the first)

If the first was emotionally available I would be in masses of trouble. I might already be in a bit of trouble so am trying to navigate it by focusing on the other one!

The lesson I think I am learning is that I need someone I can connect to as a friend, who I like as a person and find physically attractive but it’s better if I sleep with someone nice, pretty but not much else. That sounds really mean, and belittling- it’s not meant to but it’s the only way I can stop myself falling for them as I really, really don’t want that entanglement.

exactly.

I suppose it makes sense though that if they're the full package then they too might start to feel something for you.

Better, like you say, for them to be generally available, palatable, keen enough, but have their own lives and leave you to yours.

NopeNotFluffy · 29/08/2025 09:07

@Gymbunny2025 I don’t mind if he has other sexual partners. I have after all. However he is proving to be quite a selfish lover and so it might be a moot point soon because I’m not interested in being his FWB if he is my FWOB (friend without benefits 😂)

Gymbunny2025 · 29/08/2025 11:26

NopeNotFluffy · 29/08/2025 09:07

@Gymbunny2025 I don’t mind if he has other sexual partners. I have after all. However he is proving to be quite a selfish lover and so it might be a moot point soon because I’m not interested in being his FWB if he is my FWOB (friend without benefits 😂)

I think having other different lovers is different to him dropping you. But as you say… it sounds like you’ll be dropping him! Do it before you get any more emotionally invested imho!