DP only rarely climaxes during PIV but always during anal

[wevetalkedalittlenotalot]

We’ve talked about it a bit and he’s linked it to surgery he had. I’m not so sure as I think him coming really quickly during anal suggests it’s more of a death grip scenario.

He’s really generous in bed and always makes me come a couple of times and is happy to end things without coming at all. We’ve (mutually, absolutely no pressure from him) tried anal a couple of times and he comes really quickly.

i suppose I’m wondering if it’s death grip that’s causing the lack of coming during PIV is it a bad thing for him to come through anal (as in, will it perpetuate the cycle) or is this ok?

Why would it not be ok? Provided it's something you consent to and enjoy where is the harm?

Anal provides more stimulation as it's a smaller hole, it's not difficult to understand why if you compare the element of stimulation by two holes the one that provides more stimulation makes a man cum faster.

Thanks, I understand the biology behind it.

But everything I’ve read about death grip suggests that he should learn to try to orgasm with less friction rather than seeking more.

As I said in my OP my concern is that regularly coming through anal will make it even harder for him to come through PIV

As a male I'd say masturbation is more likely to result in 'death grip' if such a thing exists.

The leading research suggests death grip isn't a thing, and that it's the psychological impact of pornography that desensitises people to sex and makes it harder for them to achieve orgasm

Thank you, that’s what I meant. He death grips when he wanks (I’ve seen him!!) and PIV is nowhere near that amount of friction for him.

Is there perhaps a fear of pregnancy despite the contraception (Presuming you use some)

Good question, but no. He’s had a vasectomy and I have permanent birth control.

Maybe I don’t need to overthink this and just enjoy it, thanks all!

I’ve had some anal sex ( not much ) , it’s a very different physical ( and mental) sensation to PIV ,
maybe ask him to masturbate less and just have a bit more regular sex to get those feelings back

I think there is a risk that you end up feeling obliged or even just putting pressure on yourself to have anal more often than perhaps you really want if you know that’s the only way he will come.

I would just try to remember that ultimately it is his choice to masturbate as frequently/firmly as he does and if it results in him less likely to come from piv it is not your fault or your responsibility to solve.

I agree with this - if you’re both happy with it there’s no real issue. There’s bound to be more stimulation there due to it being a tighter space and also, he probably finds it really exciting.

Thanks all, I’m going to have another conversation with him about it. I don’t mind him finishing that way, just don’t want it to be every time.

He’s said we don’t have to do it at all and it’s completely down to me so there is no pressure. I suppose I just prefer him to come when we have sex. He doesn’t seem bothered if he comes or not and like I say there is no pressure. Seems like me overthinking it more than anything else.

My husband is exactly the same, he struggles to cum from PIV and oral but has no problem cumming from anal, so that’s how we tend to finish. Luckily the combination of anal and a womanizer on my clit gives me intense orgasms so it’s turned out to be a win-win situation. There are days that I ask him to cum PIV and he will make a concerted effort to do so. So I suppose it’s really about finding what works best for you as a couple and and having open and honest conversations.

That’s interesting mrsbrollie, thanks. Maybe it’s not something for me to worry about. It takes him seconds to climax that way so he’s really only finishing off in there I guess.

Look at this pervert DMing me 🧐

I’d be more concerned about the appalling grammar! 😂

Oh, it’s him. I’d recognise that (non) grammar style anywhere. 😱

Good for you for calling the slimy perv out who DMd you

If you want him to finish inside you during PIV then the best way is to encourage him to ease off the masturbation for a bit, as that’s the likely cause.

However, I think women need to think about how we would feel if the tables were turned and a man told us to stop using our vibrators so we would orgasm more during sex?!

But in my case l orgasm with a vibey and (usually oral) sex.

That’s great, and most men can also finish during PIV whilst also not refraining from masturbation, but I was referring to the many women who struggle to come during sex but can do so with fingers, tongue or a vibrator.

I’m not saying she shouldn’t suggest adjusting his masturbation habits as he probably wants to finish during PIV too, but all too often the attitude on here feels like “the man’s got a death drip, he therefore must be a pervy porn-addicted wanker, and if he can’t finish inside you, you need to end things as he’s sexually dysfunctional”, and I just think we need to be a bit more understanding about this than we often are, because can you imagine if men had the same attitude in reverse? I’m just asking for a bit of empathy when dealing with stuff like this, because in the end that will benefit both the man and the woman.

I completely agree with you! And I hope I’ve not come across as judgemental of him (I’m not) I mentioned death grip because I’ve see how hard he grips it and I know PIV will not feel like that.

He did also have surgery that affected things. He always says he doesn’t mind if he doesn’t climax, but I do mind it when it’s been a while and he hasn’t.

I totally agree that we’re much more understanding on the different ways women climax. PIV missionary does it for me within about two minutes (and I usually come twice) so although it’s not something I’ve experienced I know lots of (most?) women don’t come through PIV.

If he's not bothered about cumming PIV, and you're not, what are you (singular or plural) trying to fix?

As suggested above, the idea of "death grip" isn't well supported. However, if you both agree it is the cause of something you'd both like to change, have you considered doing the job for him more often? Or perhaps buy him a maturbation sleeve, which won't be as tight as his fist and both also break the conditioned feedback loop between his dick and what he's f*ing (which, in my uneducated opinion, is a more significant factor if masturbation and orgasms with a partner are difficult).

100% this , any hint of sexual dysfunction in men and normal response is dump him and and find someone else and above someone says they orgasm when using toys and men are not supposed willingly accept this and be quiet

It’s a good question! Anal is quite new to me and something I thought I’d never, ever want to do. But I do enjoy it and I LOVE that he always climaxes and quickly.

I suppose it’s just seems a bit faffy to do every time, but there’s no suggestion from either of us that we will do it every time anyway, so I guess I’m overthinking

That’s because only 15% of us can orgasm from PIV. That’s why so many women feel pressured to fake it.

If only 15% of men could orgasm from PIV, there is no doubt on my mind they would find something for us to “willingly accept and be quiet about “.

Please stop expecting women to orgasm the same way that men do—the overwhelming majority of us cannot.