Not having sex as often as I'd like

[dearmissdear]

When we got together we would be 10 times a week minimum, which suited me pretty well. Over the last few months the number of times has fallen dramatically to twice a week or so. Needless to say I am pretty frustrated, but fine... he's tired or not in the mood or too hot or too stressed.

But, he keeps making comments about oral and how "that's got to be worth a blowjob" when he's done a task around the house. AIBU to think that if you are to tired for sex, and leaving me unfulfilled then you don't get to lie back and enjoy a blowjob. I enjoy giving oral, but not when I know it isn't going to lead to anything else, and not when I am not getting what I need myself.

Wow, 10 times a week? Prior to just a few weeks ago we'd gone a whole 3 months of nothing. I'm jealous.

My ex wasn’t interested in sex, and when I got together with my new partner a lot of my affection and love language came from sex- yes I enjoyed it, but I also needed it to feel wanted. Similarly we have gone from double digit numbers a week, to once or twice and I am really struggling. He still wants oral (of course), but because I don’t feel as wanted I really don’t enjoy it- whereas usually I would.

It also might be a bit tit for tat but if I’m not getting what I need, then he isn’t either. It’s the start of a downward spiral for us I fear.

I'd be saying 'that's surely got to be worth a/an [insert what you enjoy]' every time you do something around the house/garden/that benefits both of you. He might get the message that: 1. he's being a cheeky selfish sod, 2. you also have needs.
Got to say though that 10x per week is quite enthusiastic for a lot of relationships!

😲 10x

10 x a week. Could not be assed with that 🥴.

When he’s done a task around the house? Is he Orlando Bloom?

Especially in this heat 😂

Surely it's not that much? Most evenings and the occassional morning before work?

This is one of the current reasons. But not too warm for a blowjob....

You are talking about your DH and not your odd job man aren’t you?

He sounds repulsive so I'm not sure why you actively want to have sex with him let alone 10 times a week.
I'm sure there's a much nicer chap around that would be more than happy to give you yours first, maybe have a look around.

First off no one should ever be rewarded for doing something around the house that is their responsibility

secondly of course it should be one sided

they are linked though aren’t they with his view that sex is predominantly about his needs and housework is predominantly your responsibility failing to grasp ok both you should be equal

and that is what I would say to him

😂 yes! I think he feels he can tell me what his needs are in the bedroom... which is absolutely fine, and I would've once wanted to hear. But when we talk about the frequency issue and my needs he isn't interested so it feels very one way.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/sex

Far too much I wouldn’t have any time left for Netflix with all that caper!

There are. 7 days in the week, that’s every day plus every other day
so every day & twice every other day!
Now I do like sex, fancy my handsome hubby so much but 3/4 times a week does us 🤪

My Fanny would have eroded away 10 times a week 🤭

Hmmm. People go to clinics for this kind of thing...

Once a year or less these days! Early 50’s been together over 30 years, 32 in fact!

This is very true for me. His "love language" is taking care of people and things, so I try to do these things for him and let him do things for me. Whereas mine is physical affection, I enjoy giving and receiving affection. I feel a bit duped often in relationships when it dwindles away- this time I thought it was different.

I can cope with the odd blip but if this is "the new normal" then I am not sure I am happy with that. I would be more accepting if he wasnt so happy to keep reminding me on what he is missing. Of course he got what he wanted twice or so a week if we were having 9 or 10 sessions, but when we are having 2 then the number of everything goes down!!

Gosh I remember 10 times a week! It never lasts though. They think they can keep it up (sts!) but they never can.

10 x a week, my knob would fall off !

Sex less than 10 times a week is one issue, and if that's what you're getting, you're doing just fine!

If he's trading sex for chores, that's an entirely separate issue.

If you're not getting the sex life you want, that's a 3rd issue, but may sit between the two.

You need to have a frank conversation with him, with the aim of finding a path together, rather than looking for a fight.

Absolutely this - the amount of sex has to be okay for both people in the relationship - not just one

He's not trading sex for chores as such. Just using opportunities to bring up that he isn't getting what he wants as often as he'd like. Which ordinarily I would be open to and look to find a way to make us both happy. On this though it feels different as he's the one who has dropped the level of intimacy.

What happens when you initiate, appreciate that is being to hot hot for sex recently- but does he normally respond enthusiastically