Wow, where do I start?
I used the term trapped in quotes because I love my wife, shes my best friend as well as someone I care for. Both my wife and daughter, who is 17, are autistic and I am the "carer" for both with both needing my support for different reasons. I love them both deeply and they are my world. I work full time and I am the sole earner in the family so I do keenly feel how much they both rely on me.
The problem is that at times (not all the time) I feel so lonely and unwanted? I am late 40s now and we havent had sex since before my daughter was born. My wife never wanted to really anyway and only ever agreed to stop me asking I think. Except for when we tried for our daughter.
The problem that causes me to really struggle at times with my mental health is that I could never possibly leave my two favorite people in the whole world..but the love and affection only goes one direction and it can be exhausting and lonely. I know its not their fault though, its how they are wired.
I have a good job, I am able to provide everything we need so that my wife does not need to work. We have paid off the mortgage, have a lovely house and we can have nice holidays when we are able. Life should be really good. I guess the best way to describe it is that I have a large bucket of love to give and I am a caring person, but the bucket never gets refilled and sometimes I feel like I am empty.
Its so difficult to explain sorry. I dont even know why I am writing this but I just feel the need get it off my chest. There is no solution and I just have to accept that but its so very difficult and lonely at times.