When to divulge a fantasy to a new partner

[SaraSunny]

I have a relatively new Partner. Just a couple of months in.

He's a great guy but I can only say the sex is OK. Not mind blowing.

I already know that I'm a lot more adventurous than him.

At what stage would you divulge what you really like or what you fantasise about?

And I totally understand doing that in a long term relationship with kids involved. But OP there is a reason this attractive guy is single… he is rubbish at sex and is only interested in a quick orgasm for him then rolling over. Yuck!

Another update and my last update it appears.

As it was 'only' the sex that was an issue, I decided to continue to try and seduce him into different things.

He's dumped me!

He says I'm obsessed with sex. I genuinely did not know what to say to that so I just said I think we have very different libidos.

And that's all folks!

That somewhat dispels the narrative that men are only interested in sex , but at least you know.

I would find 'the one'! 😁

On the up side, you know this at a very early stage...have a look at the sexless marriage thread to see what can happen when you don't lance this boil early.

Sorry you've been messed about...there's so much more for you out there!

That is true. So much potential. Wasted! We were great on every level apart from sex.

I don't think @SaraSunny has been messed about. She and a partner embarked on a relationship and found out they were sexually incompatible. Negotiating things like that is difficult and no one got messed about.

You are well out of this OP. He is clearly caught up in his own inhibitions.

Over time things would have deteriorated. And to say things were great on every level apart from sex is like saying a dress was beautiful apart from the fabric.

Agreed. You were giving him big considerations and “wanting to work it out” - things I might reserve for a relationship where there are kids and a mortgage involved, not for someone who I recently started dating.

This is a great analogy! Definitely better to find out early on, and with less investment, that you are not sexually compatible.

@SaraSunny You already know he will get worse…can you live in a relationship with no sex ? your only pleasure will be come through your own private stimulation? The glow on your face needs to be ignited…move on from DP quick….

Exactly! He seems to think it’s all about him. He only likes missionary etc. With oral off the agenda he would not have crossed that line in the sand into my bed in the first place.

All the OP is seeking is a fun and varied sex life. It’s not asking a lot, just a bit of effort.

Right now he's probably warning everyone to lock up their sons as there's a sex obsessed woman on the loose - so don't hang around finding another!

None of what he does or wants is “odd”, he shouldn’t have to do anything he doesn’t want to or feel comfortable with. That said, you don’t sound compatible in bed and it seems like a major issue for you (it would be the same for me!) so it’s unlikely to work.

I mean it did sound like you were shagging Mark Corrigin from peep show. 😬
Lucky escape I say.

😂😂 or what’s his name from inbetweeners!

I agree that nobody should do something they don’t want to do (in the words of my late mother “if something isn’t making you feel nice, stop doing it”) but, at the same time, l do think that only wanting sex in the missionary position is odd.

@StarlightLady in agreement, I honestly believe all aspects of sex is a journey of exploration and pleasure! If it was not meant to be pleasurable then we would be just be procreating for the sake of it! Simply missionary…to me it sounds like that w hat he believes..just a quick outlet. I don’t think he even considers that his sweet lady may actually enjoy sex! Count ourselves lucky that we are open to trying different ways and have found aspects that do bring us intense stimulation and pleasure…a healthy active and adventurous sex life ✊🏿

Sounds like you’ve had a lucky escape early on. Normally in the early stages is when things are probably more adventurous that was certainly the case with my wife and over the years that changed dramatically.
we are completely mismatched sexually, she only wants sex missionary and isn’t a fan of oral sex anymore (giving or receiving) and I absolutely love it. Even after an orgasm I’m normally keen to carry on but she wants to have a shower and get back to her day.
I don’t think you’re obsessed with sex, you sound very normal from what I’ve read.

Some people are just like that maybe there’s a reason or he’s repressed for some reason…I just think calling it odd is wrong but each to their own. No oral either way is a deal breaker for me and I’m certainly not one for only missionary, there’s so many more options out there!

To add, it was called missionary for a reason. Which suggest inhibitions.

@brunettemic ✊🏿 there is definitely so much more options as we know from our experiences! Be adventurous, be bold and enjoy whatever gives you pleasure

Oh if my walls could talk 😂

Part of my not being happy at the moment is that I don't feel able to share my fantasies. We were young when we got together and I didn't have a sense of what I enjoyed or not and as that developed I found myself with desires that we hadn't spoken about.

Fast forward 20 years and when I share even some hints they are closed down. So...my very strong recommendation is share early and change course if needed. There's no way of replacing your time that you could have been trying something new.

It must be a difficult situation to try to rectify after 20 years.

Has it always been this way?