Do you think more men are into the idea of sharing their partners than used to be the case?

[ThatDreamyOchreWasp]

DH is, and doesn't know where the idea came from!

As a man who isn’t into sharing I have though being on this board really given it some thought and research to explore if I was being close minded and denying my partner the opportunity to explore.

My conclusion was it wasn’t for me. I never asked her if she was and would address it again should she ask

There does appear to be a pervasive case being made for it on social media and sex toy companies which may well be influencing men and women. Along with the inevitable influence of porn and the access to apps facilitating the lifestyle.

There is also a possible evolutionary physiological aspect and push against the western societal constraints of monogamy especially from women.

Most boring answer ever 😂

Possibly. I think the Internet though has provided a vehicle to not only develop these fantasies; but also make them into reality, if that's where a couple wanted to go.

As has been discussed before on a simular thread, monogamy can be more fluid in the modern world. Whether the lifestyle is being pushed or whether it's developed more organically, I don't know but the moral compass has shifted s little.

"share"

As in they own something and want someone else to have the pleasure.

Do they watch? Participate?

I don't own anyone. if they choose to have sex with another person then that's their decision. Whether it affects the relationship we have is another matter. The relationship is either open or it isn't. Surely?

My partner is dead against the idea of “sharing” which is a nicer word for me fucking someone else. I am happy with this, I don’t want someone outside of the relationship, I feel it would break our own special bond and invite doubt and jealousy into our relationship . I think relationships have a lot of tests as it is and I don’t fancy the idea at all so I am glad we are in the same page.

I dont like the idea or thought of sharring my partner, i believe that 2 people in a relationship should just be 2 people in all values of that relationship. Minimising complications, emotional and mental well beings and less to think about involving/caring/thinking of others.

Obviously there are people/couples that do swing and share have open relationships but it must be mentally draining can be fun and exploring if your into that

I was seeing someone 30 years ago who was interested in sharing, so I don’t think it’s a new thing. The internet has made arranging it a lot easier. For him (and me) it was part of the bdsm aspect of the relationship; that he could act out that I was just so phenomenally insatiable he needed reinforcements, which he would then tease me about, he’d enjoy watching without the responsibility of having to “do.” I remember it fondly, his laugh, him gently squeezing my foot and checking in while I “had” to entertain someone unknown, usually with some kind of restraint or blindfold. Trusting him that safe sex would be practiced, was an enjoyable, bonding experience too.

I can see it wouldn’t be compatible with marriage, kids and grown up relationships though. At least in those reproductive, interdependent, vulnerable years. Maybe us old fogeys can start having fun again!

…being introduced to someone in the pub with a “of course, you’ve met before!”
and knowing he was enjoying me squirm! Being challenged to touch their penis (somewhere more private than the pub!) and see if I could recall when and be “punished or rewarded” accordingly.

Being cuddled and asked if I was happy, told how lovely I was, that he couldn’t believe his luck he’d met someone so adventurous and sexy. Reminded I didn’t have to do anything I didn’t want to…

I was thinking about this recently and wondered if it was due to porn.

I don’t use porn so I may be wrong but presumably a lot of the time in porn you are watching other people have sex and essentially training your brain that this is what gets you off.

quite different from porn magazines of the past where it would usually be a photo of just a woman?

It's nothing new really, I was asked if his friend could join us years ago prior to the prevalence of internet porn. Porn has always included sharing/group sex but also some people just like sharing and shagging.

It might be seen as more acceptable now due to soc med, internet porn, and poly, I'm in two minds about whether more people are sharing. I do think there is a certain amount of boundary pushing with the idea that so many others are doing it why not us. It's not for everyone.

We have been intp this for many years now. My wife sees other guys. I dont see other women. Its a dynamic that works well for us. And porn had zero influence, as neither of us watch it.

Had you tried other things to spice things up?

What if you don’t mind me asking was your driver to begin to live this lifestyle?

Was your option to open up or end?

What do you get from the experience for you if you’re not taking an active part?

Sounds like he’s found someone else he would like to have sex with so probably hoping if you agree he can.

We had tried many of the typical ways to spice up things, with mixed results.

I have several issues with my libido etc and she grew increasingly frustrated.

The first encounter happened while we were on holiday. She was incredibly happy.

It was a HUGE relief for me, like the weight of the world was taken off my shoulders.

I get to enjoy watching her have fun in ways we could never experience previously.

Yes, my partner has a lover. Only drawback being he's two hours away and he doesn't drive.

Nothing new- just read a bio of any of the upper set between the wars, or before then Daisy countess of Warwick. Or the 70s. Or the Profumo Inquiry.

I think porn has normalised a lot of things, but for most the idea of sharing might be a fantasy with a very different reality, as I can confirm …

Ah that is a pity.

@Lillibridge @OneSassyQuoter i am curious, do you not ever get jealous or worried that your wife maybe falling for their lover? I also sense a relief that your partners are off having sex with someone else, am I right here .. sorry for the questions but because it’s a no go for me and my partner, I just wonder how this is navigated, all the thoughts and feelings?

Thanks answering my questions. I think I could understand that dynamic if it was a choice of resigning the my partner to no sex or her leaving.

Do you class yourself as cuckolding or hotwifing or go with the flow without a label?

Hi, its more of hotwife type dynamic. We dont do the overt and direct humiliation associated with cuckolding.

Hi, not really. There is a lot of trust between us and communication, understanding of the boundaries etc is a big focus of ours.

We never meant this to happen, we drifted into this 'lifestyle' after Covid. I don't know if it's unusual but my partner one sees one other guy. It's been like that for around four years. She has no yearning to see anyone else or see multiple partners.

I don't get jealous. There would be no point. She doesn't want to go anywhere and the relationship she has with her man is distinctly FWB.

There was an element of relief. My partner has a high sex drive and whilst I enjoy sex, my sex drive is lower and I did have some performance issues too. I found it all a tremendous pressure. This path seemed a viable option as l9ng as we both communicated our feelings. It's actually helped us in lots of ways. Four years on, sex is better. We do more things together and we have a greater understanding of one another.

All I would say, is that once the genie is our of the bottle, there is no going back to a monogamous lifestyle. Not something I've ever brought up with her.

It's not that bad. He gets a train to us and we pick him up from there. The station is barely a five minute drive away. He'll stay over on a Fri-Sat perhaps once a month or so.

How does that work when he stays over? Do you get the spare room? I’m just surprised there’s no jealousy apparent from any aspect of it

There's no jealousy. However, there is some trepidation, if that's the right word when he arrives. I have to get used to him being here. Doesn't take long though. Sometimes, there is also anxiety about if it ever stops. If he can't visit or finds someone more permanent. I sometimes wonder what would happen. But jealousy, no. I want her to be happy, and she is.

Swinging definitely isn't a new thing. It's not for me but I'd put it firmly in the category of there being nothing wrong with it if both partners were up for it.