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Original poster

Partner cannot thrust quickly

26 replies

alabasterer · 08/02/2025 22:47

Ok so this is the situation. I am with a relatively new partner and we've taken things slowly so only just recently got fully physical. When having PIV/A sex, I've noticed he takes things very gingerly and slowly. Used to think it was out of consideration for me, but had a sort of conversation with him the other night and it seems he might find it hard to go quickly for the sake of his own comfort, Wondered had anyone else experienced this or are there any steps we can take.

OP posts:
GarrynotsoGorilla · 08/02/2025 22:55

@alabasterer Could it be you are a bit too exciting for him and he is trying to delay by being slow and gentle?

I understand how some women especially enjoy deep and hard thrusting in certain positions and can see how this might be affecting your enjoyment. Would a slow start and fast finish work for you?

Otterhound · 08/02/2025 23:17

Maybe thats what works for him?
hard/fast doesn't work for me at all, though of course he could do it until you were satisfied and then go at his own pace afterwards

MaxTalk · 08/02/2025 23:37

Does he have a small penis and it pops out?

Original poster
alabasterer · 09/02/2025 00:35

It hasnt popped put, and I don't think he's able to go fast at any point, it's not comfortable in that way. I mean there are other ways to satisfaction, it's just a new issue for me

OP posts:
GarrynotsoGorilla · 09/02/2025 00:37

@alabasterer might you be a little tighter than he is used to? Maybe pulling back his foreskin too hard when thrusting?

Catullus5 · 09/02/2025 05:46

I sometimes thrust slowly because it feels nicer.

Tristan5 · 09/02/2025 09:46

It sounds very much like phimosis - if his foreskin is tight, hard thrusting could be painful, potentially leading to a tear in his foreskin.

Gymbunny2025 · 09/02/2025 09:56

Tristan5 · 09/02/2025 09:46

It sounds very much like phimosis - if his foreskin is tight, hard thrusting could be painful, potentially leading to a tear in his foreskin.

Agree it sounds either like a foreskin or PE issue. Are you able to go at a speed that works for you on top? I think that will tell you a lot about whether there is potential for improvement.... or not

smithey855 · 09/02/2025 10:03

I would say it’s likely a PE issue.

as others have said it could also be tight forskin.

Its interesting that it is widely said on here ( and the media ) that porn isn’t real, it’s not like real sex, although what you are wanting , is actually quite porn like and maybe that’s why he prefers to go slow? eother out of respect or that’s just what he’s always done.

Gymbunny2025 · 09/02/2025 10:26

There is no such thing as porn like sex @smithey855 😂 porn covers all types of sex kinks and fetishes out there and more probably!

I very much doubt many women would want a man who approaches sex 'gingerly'. He obviously has an issue there

Thelittleweasel · 09/02/2025 12:15

@alabasterer

You should surely be able to see/touch whether it is phimosis.

If it is please please help him to get it dealt with starting at GP

smithey855 · 09/02/2025 13:19

Gymbunny2025 · 09/02/2025 10:26

There is no such thing as porn like sex @smithey855 😂 porn covers all types of sex kinks and fetishes out there and more probably!

I very much doubt many women would want a man who approaches sex 'gingerly'. He obviously has an issue there

Oh I 100% agree with this, BUT, if you go by the majority on MN ( relationship board more so than the sex board ) then you wouldn’t think that.

Gymbunny2025 · 09/02/2025 13:33

It's ok for people to be anti porn- it is ethically dubious. Same as lots of other things of course, but that doesn't mean people have to be ok with porn

Anthonysimagination · 09/02/2025 18:12

Hi op very much depends on what he means by “might find it hard to go quickly for the sake of his own comfort,”

Age, size difference, fitness, physical health,not wanting to come too quickly, penis issues (as above) are a few things that on their own or in combination could be a factor.

There are ways around most things but more details if you can and want to share may help .

Sorry if that wasn’t much use to you.

Original poster
alabasterer · 10/02/2025 00:15

There is certainly an issue with the tip of his penis and he said this has happened with previous partners too. I don't want him enduring Ian, but feel a bit frustrated too. myself

OP posts:
Gymbunny2025 · 10/02/2025 07:09

How old is he? I'm not sure I could be with a man that is unable to take himself to a GP to get a medical issue sorted. Is he waiting for a woman to suggest and arrange this for him?! Don't be his mum 😂

Anthonysimagination · 10/02/2025 07:44

Hi op

Thanks for that additional info. Unfortunately it sounds a familiar story of a man enduring pain and discomfort and potentially ruining his and his partner’s sexual satisfaction for the sake of a Gp visit.

Could you outline that this is an important issue for both of you and then let him put his big boy pants on and arrange a doctors appointment.

He may say he’s has already been down that route but treatments and times change and a repeat visit to a different clinician wouldn’t (hopefully) hurt.

If whatever it is has been diagnosed and can’t be fixed with a treatment then you have a choice to work around it (and there are plenty of options) and look to ways to bring each other pleasure or decide that he isn’t for you which is your right to do so.

The latter is a massive shame if it can be sorted!

best wishes to both of you x

GarrynotsoGorilla · 10/02/2025 08:20

alabasterer · 10/02/2025 00:15

There is certainly an issue with the tip of his penis and he said this has happened with previous partners too. I don't want him enduring Ian, but feel a bit frustrated too. myself

Sounds like he needs a trip to the docs, have you looked at it? Is there any sign of abnormalities? Soreness etc?

AltitudeCheck · 11/02/2025 22:37

Would a condom and / or lube make things more comfortable for him? Or even a penis sleeve.

What about him using a dildo / thigh harness to give that thrusting effect, without causing him pain. He really needs to go and get checked out though.

OneSassyQuoter · 12/02/2025 13:24

Maybe he is unfit?

Tristan5 · 12/02/2025 17:33

OneSassyQuoter · 12/02/2025 13:24

Maybe he is unfit?

What a ridiculous comment!!

smithey855 · 12/02/2025 17:47

Tristan5 · 12/02/2025 17:33

What a ridiculous comment!!

Show quote history

Why is it ridiculous? If he is unfit, it is likely he will be out breath quickly and therefore not enjoyable.

Tristan5 · 12/02/2025 18:05

With respect, you’re making a fool of yourself- the guy has phimosis, plain and simple.

Original poster
alabasterer · 12/02/2025 21:37

He is probably of above average fitness and some years younger than me (he's late 30s, I'm early 50s). So,.not a fitness issue no. We had another talk since, he went to GP today which wasn't 100% conclusive but seems likely to be phimosis or balanitis. Waiting on urology now

OP posts:
FlameGrilledSquirrel · 13/02/2025 16:22

When I went the GP prescribed some cream without even needing to have a look. Seems odd he's going to need to go to urology especially with him being able to keep using it.

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