Vasectomy concerns…

[MissNoMoneyPenny]

My partner is having this procedure done just after Christmas, I have 2 children with him and he has one from a previous relationship. We have discussed this at length and neither of us want any more, however, tonight he came to me and said ‘what if we change our mind?’, I explained no way was I going to change my mind, I have 2 very close together and I don’t want to have another. I am concerned that he might be having second thoughts and of course I won’t force him to go through with it because I will have to have the implant, although the last time I had it I was incredibly ill on it, or I can explore other options. After we finished that topic, he started to share other concerns like pain, maybe he’ll get an infection in his balls, it seemed that he was trying to back out, which again is fine, because at the end of the day, his body, his choice.

Anyone else had experience with this?

He has cold feet. I believe it is probably just nerves. My dh just took an over the counter pain med and used cold packs to reduce swelling. He didn’t complain of pain.
Can't be worse than childbirth that is for sure.
PS. He can freeze sperm for fute use.
https://www.cambridge-ivf.nhs.uk/your-journey/treatments/sperm-freezing/#:~:text=The%20cost%20for%20self%2Dfunded,is%20%C2%A3300%20per%20annum.

His body his choice but you also have a right to choose not to have hormones in your body. For what it's worth, their are other methods than the implant, like mirena coil or injections.

Or you can abstain from sex, I'm sure that might change his mind..

If it's just pain,/infection concerns why not talk over the risks with a health professional as I am sure they will be very small and might reassure him.

Empathy aside, there's a part of me that feels a bit annoyed on your behalf though, honestly the things women go through, periods, smears, pregnancy examinations, emergency c sections etc etc and he can't bloody cope with a tiny operation which he'd be out within hours and all he has to do is protect his sack for a bit...what a wally.

He should talk to someone who’s already had it done.

Blokes underplay stuff like that so even though it is a bit weird and uncomfortable he’ll be told it’s no big deal.

The discomfort passes quickly and - as has already been said - it’s nothing compared to the indignities women seem to go through regularly with medics.

Plus it’s really worth it to have sex free of contraception worries..

From a mans perspective...

I had mine done around 12 months ago. Not going to lie i was nervous before I had it done. Woke up the morning of it half hoping to see a text saying appointment cancelled. Then I drove to the appointment and got there early so sat in the car feeling even worse. Thought about pulling the plug numerous times.
They take you in to a room, explain everything and ask you to sign paperwork then ask you to strip the bottom half off and put a gown on.
You then go in to the room where they carry out the procedure. I had a male surgeon and a female nurse, she was very calming and talked to me throughout asking me questions about family, work, life etc to take my mind off what was happening. The surgeon started off on the right hand side. Local anaesthetic so I didnt feel the initial cut to the sack but holy hell did I feel it when he gripped the tube to make the cut. Was over in a few minutes then he said right, time for the other side! The left side hurt just as much. Then it was a quick tidy up and I was out probably in around 30 mins.

Afterwards I was a little sore but ibuprofen took the edge off. Around 12 hours later the real pain kicked in on the left side. I was like someone had grabbed my testicle and was holding pressure on it. That lasted a couple of days then it was more just a bruising feel for maybe a week or so.

During the painful times I always maintained if it hadn't worked I would not be letting them touch it again but I probably would. Worth it for the care free sex and after years of my wife being on contraception and carrying children it felt like I was able to do something. Since she has stopped contraception she has been able to lose weight and is far happier.

Sorry for such a long winded post but I hope it goes some way to help him understand what it actually will feel like

....or he won't feel a thing - when I had it done there was a bit of tugging but hardly any pain - way less than your average dentist visit. Not particularly sore afterwards either and having spoken to others since I think my experience was pretty typical. Also, probably one of the most surreal moments of my life when I was lying on the table with everything hanging out one of the nurses said to her colleague "...I do love the smell of burning flesh...." - fortunately I couldn't feel a thing !

Problems after are pretty remote to be honest, some swelling, mild pain, nothing that good support and simple painkillers won’t fix, obviously infections etc can happen but definitely not common, issue I guess is you have to be absolutely certain it’s what you want as reversal is rather difficult, none of us can tell the future regarding what might happen in relationships, he needs to be certain in his own mind that he wants a future where he can’t have kids as well as you not wanting anymore

This was my experience as well. It's obviously slightly undignified, but much less uncomfortable than getting a filling done at the dentist. No pain during or afterwards. It was really a non-event; simple, quick, no worries at all; and made no difference to sensation, experience or 'output' afterwards. I have 2 tiny scars

And hospital staff are really good at making you comfortable, both physically and emotionally during the procedure.

Something like 1 in 10 suffer long term side effects.

OP, have a look at the family planning section under health on here. There’s quite a few posts if you do a search for them. There was a gentleman on there who went into detail about how bad his experience had been (permanently affected).

I wouldn’t encourage my DH to get it done, as even though the risks are relatively low, if you are unlucky enough to suffer with them, you can’t go back. It’s done.

My husband has been saying for years that he should probably get around to having it done. Then he get scared and backs out.
In the end, it's his choice. I just find it slightly frustrating how, after being by my sids through 2 pregnancies and 2 very hard and painful deliveries -the first lasting 22 hours - being torn, cut open and stiched back together, he comes to me saying he's afraid of the pain of a vasectomy.

I'd never push him to get it done. I have however decided that when my coil gets removed in 2,5 years, I'm done with hormonal birth control. So it's either condoms or celibacy I guess.

@MissNoMoneyPenny, just tell him to "grow a pair 😉"

Best thing I ever did.....so liberating for me and my partners.

I had one 17 years ago, after my second was born. A year later my wife left me for another - I was completely shocked and never saw it coming.

Five years later I was remarried and we wanted one of our own, so we funded a reversal. It went even more smoothly than the initial surgery and - evidently - worked first time. ;-) We have a gorgeous ten year old boy now.

Of course I don’t want to suggest this could be the two of you, but he can know that it doesn't HAVE to be a forever decision.

(oh and yes, I’d definitely have it again, but our specific situation means we use other means).

The procedure and healing for me were very straight forward. Had it done 5 years ago. Precisely because contraception is so much more strenuous on the female body than the male body. I felt my wife had been though enough as it was with the birth of our two children.

My bigger memory is that my wife took no interest in my freshly shaven parts that night before the procedure; and declined to have sex when it would be my last opportunity to shoot live rounds. I felt really let down at that key emotional moment.

He's trying to guilt you into going back on contraception when you have done your part already carrying and birthing his children. Fuck that! Don't let him get away with it, don't you dare go back on contraception because he's a selfish coward!

Tell him 'well its either vasectomy or we don't have sex again. Your choice.'

We looked into it but decided not. A friend as well as a former colleague of DH both ended up with hospital acquired infection and was really nasty. Off work for weeks and a lot of pain. Antibiotics had limited effect. The complication rate of 10% quoted by another post was also mentioned to him and we decided not to risk having it. I’m staying using the Mirena coil.

Frankly the bigger issue is surgical procedures and infection is shockingly high in the U.K. I work with a number of European colleagues and they all travel back to their home country as healthcare standards are so poor here (that’s their words!)

Male here, You need not have any worries, I had a vasectomy many years ago after my wife was rushed into hospital with an ectopic pregnancy. I nearly lost her, so I had it done. The Surgean was very good, I had it done under a general anesthetic. I had no pain or infection and was right as rain. As a bonus our sex life took off. Without worrying about contraception it was any time any place. My son had a vasectomy last year after have his third child.

All excuses. Looks like your 'D'H enlisted a colleague with a story to help him get out of it, and you fell for it. He played you. All so he could get the easy way out and put it all on you. You can get a 'hospital infection' via something as common as stitches needed for a cut. Or important things like heart surgery - would you reject heart surgery in case you got an infection? You can get a 'hospital infection' for anything. And most Vasectomies are done in the GP surgery, so not even in hospital. 99% of infections are patient-hygiene based (ie person themselves not practicing good hygiene and looking after wound).

You were played.

Slightly different story, had a penile implant a few years ago, and to say I was nervous prior to the op was a major understatement. I was contemplating cancelling but I knew it would change my life. I had 8 weeks of excruciating pain, not being able to sit down or sleep properly but I knew it was going to be worth it and my god it was.

men always think the worse, especially when it comes to our man bits but he’ll be glad he’s had it done for the care free sex - as long as he is certain he wants no more children….

I had it done over 20 years ago. All I had was a couple of days with a dull ache and no bruising. Over the following years I became aware of loads of other guys who had it done and only one had an issues. He had significant bruising and some swelling. NHS stats suggest he was very, very unlucky. Get it done. It saves hassle and anguish in the future not to mention you don't have to pump your body with hormones etc.

NHS stats

With reference to my previous post

There is not a 10% infection rate. Just scare mongering.

I showed him this thread.

He expressed his concerns again even after reading people's experiences. I reminded him what a crap time I had with giving birth to DC2, but he came back with "you didn't have time to worry", correct, it was an emergency delivery!!

If he messes around like this, I will just get my tubes tied. I am done with children. Not that I am planning on leaving my partner, but, even if I did ever have another relationship, kids would be off the table for me now anyway, I'm past the age of wanting to procreate.

But he doesn't mind the 'worry' of you getting pregnant and having to go through that again, or the risks of abortion, does he? He is willing to 'worry' again. He's playing you. He doesn't have any concerns, he is just lazy and cowardly. He is doing this deliberately. Don't have your tubes tied. Tell him no sex at all until he has the snip. Put it back on him. Don't back down. He is a selfish arsehole.

Had it done 8yrs ago. Wasn't painful once the anesthetic kicks in. Worst part for me was stood there all hanging out before getting in the table in front of nurse.🫣 didn't have any after pains just made sure kept paracetamol in my system for the day. You have to ejaculate numerous times (double figures) to make sure all swimmers are out of your body before sending a sample to make sure. I know 2 ppl that got bad infections with unbearable pain but I guess that was just bad luck.

Had mine done just over a month ago, no pain, sat in bed the first day, but was back working and sorting out our daughter and animals etc on day two!

The procedure is simple, I didn’t even wear a gown, just told to wear joggers and kill them down. The people that are doing it are not there to scare you, they know how nervous he’ll be, it’s natural.

My view is that my wife gave birth, I can deal with a couple of snips. (I wouldn’t say that to him though haha)

This.

32 years for me and for much the same reasons.

Had long t talk with Dr when considering this.

He said that generally those who had problems were those who went back to work that afternoon, those who didn’t take it easy.

Did it hurt? Not really - far less than treading on a lego brick in the dark of a subsequent child!

Go for it.