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Sex

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Original poster

He's being really fucking weird about sex

27 replies

Nc4thesxboard · 02/12/2024 20:19

I've been seeing a bloke for a couple of months but we haven't had sex yet. I've wanted to, but he seemed a bit reluctant so I haven't pushed it as I figured there's no need to rush if he isn't ready.

It's looking like it might now happen this week as he has brought it up and said he wants to but he's being really fucking weird about it.

He said he wants to be touched but isn't touching me yet because he wants to see if he can "control his emotions" and it's a "test"

I asked whether he's worried about being judged on his performance or something and he insists thats not the case.

I then asked him to elaborate, he hasn't, and he has now gone off to work. I don't expect I'll hear from him until late tomorrow.

I'm feeling very put off and don't think I want to sleep with him at all now if that's what it's going to be like. How could it possibly be enjoyable if he's just laying there like an ironing board? What about my own pleasure?

I've just sent him a message saying pretty much what I've written above.

WTF do you think that is all about?

OP posts:

Stargazer00 · 02/12/2024 20:36

I must admit it does sound strange and not at all how you’d want your first time to be.

it sounds as though he has had trauma/bad experience in the past. Ie - being accused of non consensual sex/touching and he is panicking about it happening again.

about 10 years ago I was out in town and on my way home ( still in town ) I came across a woman who was so drunk she could barely walk. I walked her to a bar nearby and got her some water , but as soon as I walked in a group of woman accused me of taking advantage of her and threatened to call the police.

I’ve never wanted to help anyone in a similar situation since…

Stargazer00 · 02/12/2024 20:38

Also, i would send him a message making it clear you want to have sex with him, you are excited about having sex with him and you want to be touched all over.

if he has it in black and white, if he is worrying about consent then that should put his mind at rest.

Joey699 · 02/12/2024 20:43

I asked whether he's worried about being judged on his performance or something and he insists thats not the case.

This might be closer to the reality, he might have had some negative sexual experiences / feelings / feedback, in the past but doesn’t want to admit to it

snowmoredrama · 02/12/2024 21:12

I agree with you OP. Who cares what his odd reasons are (maybe some sort of fetish) where's the fun in it for you!

OfcourseitsaNC · 02/12/2024 21:15

My first thought is that he is very aware he has ED or premature ejaculation and is embarrassed by this.

NCForSexFrm · 02/12/2024 21:40

He's got an STD that can't be cured and wants some fun without passing it on to you?

Stargazer00 · 02/12/2024 21:57

NCForSexFrm · 02/12/2024 21:40

He's got an STD that can't be cured and wants some fun without passing it on to you?

That wouldn’t or shouldn’t stop him from touching the OP though….

NCForSexFrm · 02/12/2024 22:30

Stargazer00 · 02/12/2024 21:57

That wouldn’t or shouldn’t stop him from touching the OP though….

Show quote history

It might stop him touching her with his willy.

Circe7 · 02/12/2024 22:30

I couldn’t be bothered with this with a relatively new partner. I have moved sexual compatibility way up my list of priorities recently. It’s the one thing you can only really get from your partner. When I meet someone new I want them to really want me and to express that and to be able to initiate. When I was younger I did have relationships (including a marriage) where the sex never really worked. Having now experienced sex which was good first time without having to work at it I’m not going to be trying to fix sexual issues from the outset again.

But the advice about telling him you want him to touch you etc is good and should tell you where you stand.

Oxforddictionary12 · 02/12/2024 22:35

It shouldn't be this awkward before it's even happened....I'd be put off too OP. Trust your instincts.

SkyGrant · 03/12/2024 05:24

With the information so far OP time to move on, sounds very odd, something not quite right.

StarlightLady · 03/12/2024 06:25

Wants to be touched but isn’t touching you yet? You are not a social experiment. I agree it all sounds very odd. Also the long lead in seems strange. I would certainly approach with caution.

DaringLion · 03/12/2024 07:42

Nc4thesxboard · 02/12/2024 20:19

It's looking like it might now happen this week as he has brought it up and said he wants to but he's being really fucking weird about it.

He said he wants to be touched but isn't touching me yet because he wants to see if he can "control his emotions" and it's a "test"

I asked whether he's worried about being judged on his performance or something and he insists thats not the case.

I then asked him to elaborate, he hasn't, and he has now gone off to work. I don't expect I'll hear from him until late tomorrow.

I've just sent him a message saying pretty much what I've written above.

WTF do you think that is all about?

I love your quote.lying there like an ironing board this has so made me laugh.Is he a virgin and embarrassed.

RedHelenB · 03/12/2024 10:31

Stargazer00 · 02/12/2024 20:36

I must admit it does sound strange and not at all how you’d want your first time to be.

it sounds as though he has had trauma/bad experience in the past. Ie - being accused of non consensual sex/touching and he is panicking about it happening again.

I’ve never wanted to help anyone in a similar situation since…

Seriously? I couldn't imagine not wanting to help someone in that situation again, even if some people suggested I had ulterior motives.

Joey699 · 03/12/2024 18:52

Stargazer00 · 02/12/2024 20:36

I must admit it does sound strange and not at all how you’d want your first time to be.

it sounds as though he has had trauma/bad experience in the past. Ie - being accused of non consensual sex/touching and he is panicking about it happening again.

I’ve never wanted to help anyone in a similar situation since…

He said he wants to be touched but isn't touching me yet because he wants to see if he can "control his emotions" and it's a "test"

with all the current revelations about Gregg Wallace , maybe he is paranoid about being accused of some kind of non-consensual touching 🤷🏼‍♂️

snowmoredrama · 04/12/2024 07:17

So what happened OP?!

Original poster

Nc4thesxboard · 04/12/2024 08:26

Thanks for your replies and thoughts!

I'm still no clearer as far as him explaining goes. He tried to laugh it off when I said I was concerned he was setting the scene for a strange experience.

I'm supposed to be seeing him tomorrow but I don't know whether to go or not. If I do, I'll raise it in person and I'll update with what happens.

OP posts:

BilboBlaggin · 04/12/2024 08:32

I think I'd be binning him personally. Sex should be mutually enjoyable, not you doing all the work while he lies there. If he's not interested in your enjoyment then he isn't worth continuing with.

Original poster

Nc4thesxboard · 04/12/2024 08:33

I'm now wondering whether he is on the autism spectrum and struggles with intimacy due to that.

The reason I wonder is because he has a brother with it (diagnosed) and I know it's genetic as I have an autistic son myself. There has been a few little signs here and there which could maybe point to it.

He's very rigid in his routine, has some social anxiety etc.

OP posts:

alwaysontheloo · 04/12/2024 18:13

Joey699 · 03/12/2024 18:52

He said he wants to be touched but isn't touching me yet because he wants to see if he can "control his emotions" and it's a "test"

with all the current revelations about Gregg Wallace , maybe he is paranoid about being accused of some kind of non-consensual touching 🤷🏼‍♂️

Show quote history

Well if he's a predatory creepy cunt like Wallace that's probably for the best.

GigiAnnna · 04/12/2024 19:05

Sounds like he has little or no sexual experience. Or there's something he's highly insecure about. Depends how much you're invested in him. Personally I'd be letting him go.

Thelittleweasel · 05/12/2024 11:02

@Nc4thesxboard

You can - FWIW - get sexual consent forms off the internet.

If - as PP says - he is in some way concerned ["good?"] this would perhaps cover that?

shortfatfatty · 05/12/2024 19:36

I'm guessing either inexperienced, embarrassed about his size or sti. Doesn't exactly encourage things though! I vote bin.

DryRiser · 05/12/2024 22:15

He's covering for something that's causing anxiety. It could be ED, PE, a complete lack of any experience, or some weird kink. Either way it's holding him back. If you're properly into him then it might be worth trying to find out. But if not, don't waste your time.

Original poster

Nc4thesxboard · 07/12/2024 07:56

So I went, and I actually had a great time. Contrary to what I was expecting he did touch me.. plenty.

He was just really nervous beforehand so that's what I think it was all along. Performance anxiety / thinking it isn't going to work.

Once we got into things he was absolutely fine.

..and I'm going back on Monday 😁

OP posts:

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