Hubby ED sex toy recommendation

[Fishandchipsareyum]

Hello

So my husband can't penetrate me anymore. He can't get it hard enough, been happening for years. We never have had a good sex life though.

It's a mental and we think physical issue. He isn't bothered to go to any Dr, I've just to accept it. I'm late 30s for context, he is early 40s, overweight and I also think he is asd ( that's another story) but I don't even try anymore because he gets all weird n defeated when we do and it won't go in.

I miss being penetrated so was thinking of getting a dildo, I would have him use it on me, he does do oral. I'm not very sexually adventurous lol

Any recommendations? Just a basic one , don't need anything special. I'm new to all this.

If your husband is in his 40s, overweight and suffering from ED, he is on track for a heart attack

Not bothered to go to a doctor? Please! You miss being penetrated, it is not all about him. Not bothered or too embarrassed?

Women have to go through all sorts of invasive and uncomfortable procedures with medics. It’s his turn to do something to look after both his health and your needs. Something is wrong!

lf he is not prepared to try and sort this, l see no reason why you should not look elsewhere and find a living pulsating dildo that is attached to someone.

Try searching for penis extenders.

I do not think that a penis sleeve/extender works for ED. oral medication can be bought online

Buying medication on line, unless from a recognised pharmacy can be highly dangerous. There is a risk of poor quality control and/or counterfeit products.

Thank you everyone, yes I don't know what the problem is with him. I had 2 c sections with out children. It is selfish.

Maybe he is embarrassed 😳

He is trying to lose the weight but it's a slow process ( been overweight for a long time)

Can this rule of thumb be used for female partners who have lost their sex drive and are not interested in going to the doctors to do anything about it.

If I had said that about my female partner, I would have been mauled by Mumsnet folks.

Penis sleeves require a hard c... inside them to work.

With our youngest, nearly 4, trying to get pregnant was so annoying. It was like a mission keeping him hard, to get inside to conceive, he was off work as it was lockdown so just had time to get something to conceive in there... now it just won't go in at all.

He's been dealing with it since 2019, and now it's just gone ( chance of erection) before this he always had an orgasm super fast. He used to get harder and bigger, it doesn't do that now, no matter how turned on he is.

So he said yesterday that he was really turned on one time at work ( knew we were going to have date night) and got an erection, then felt a pop... said hasn't been same since! I don't understand how an erection in trousers ( soft joggers) can "pop" I'm just really annoyed by him in general nowadays, but with children ( both asd) I'm basically stuck here lol, yes I know that's sad to sat, marriage is up and down, we have a lot of down lol

Also , I have a sense of duty to stay with him, I know many would not agree , and many would be the same as me, but with divorced parents that ruined my childhood, I don't want the same situation now for my kids.

Also I discovered he was looking at pics of underwear models on his phone, discovered this as my child was on his YouTube... I wasn't happy as I know why he was doing it ( to get off on it) but I'm now wondering if that's what happened at work, the guys in there all told him about these women to look up... apparently

Getting angry with him is never going to fix his ED. If he's to address that, he needs to feel emotionally safe.

For once I disagree with @StarlightLady Women do have to go through all sorts of invasive and uncomfortable procedures with medics, but that is independent of the pressures men feel and neither negates the other. It's not a competition. If it takes Chris Hoy's terminal cancer to get other men to confront their own symptoms, that says a lot about how they must feel about themselves.

Not getting divorced has been bad for my DD. Not in an insidious abusive way, but rather her just having to live in a bitterly unhappy house. I could not be my best for her and her childhood has been harder for that, as had been the aftermath of the divorce. I wish I'd got divorced when she was your kids age, not when she's struggling through her teens.

Yes I totally agree,I don't get angry about it anymore.

I just dont think id cope without him financially and having the helping hand around at home ,with the girls being at home 24/7 , can't cope in school my eldest is pda so I home Ed.

I have no life of my own really, and I just want to experience what a sexually healthy marriage is like without all the drama of a man child ( because of how he acts) getting all upset over his e.d. at the time we attempt sex, which is not very much now, he would rather not try now. sorry if that sounds bad. I just manage everyone all day lol 😆 I'm starting to wake up to the fact I am a person too. Been in survival mode.

What a load of sexist garbage

as a man of a certain age I’ve lots of invasive and uncomfortable procedures this year and have many more in the future awaiting me.

and I suppose if my current partner decides she doesn’t want sex any more I’m okay to go and find a living vagina attached to another woman without a 2nd thought

I’ve been called a lot of things on MN over the years (including slut) but never “sexist”. Someone else disagreed with me up thread; that’s fine, l’m cool with that, opinions differ.

l think the whole thing goes beyond not wanting sex though, hence my comments.

Men may have evasive procedures, l’m sorry to hear that you have gone through things like this (l witnessed them with my late father) and hope that those due in the future clear everything up. The point l was trying to make (perhaps badly) is that women routinely go through these things (for example, smears, mammograms etc) and there is responsibility to self and others to see a doctor if things are not working as they should.

But since my post, we have found out more and clearly there are other issues here as well.

l wish you well with any further medical procedures.

I should have added medication can be bought in Boots etc, perhaps if you bought yourself he might give it a try.

If you want to see if you can have sex then get some Cialis together from Boots. Otherwise get yourself a vibrator/dildo from Love Honey.

Thanks I had no idea there was medication. I'll be looking at dildos. Thank you.

And I think that goes to highlight the difference in how men and women’s health are treated in the UK, as you alluded to women have access 2 NHS run and financed cancer screening programmes and are sent regularly reminders , mobile clinics etc etc

men have an unreliable blood test and a finger up the backside- the difference is staggering - maybe the only good thing to come of the Chris Hoy announcement is that the NHS might pull it finger out ( of men’s arses) and invest in some proper health screening for the other 50% of the UK population

What is needed in my view are regular MOT type tests for all as they do in high tax Norway. But to do that would require higher taxes. There lies the difficulty. Many people want the service, but not want to pay for it.

@Joey699 @StarlightLady

Going to go full derail here but I work in health care and the issue that I have been witness too is and this does relate to @Fishandchipsareyum issues, Is that Men are poor at accessing health care services including screening.

There was a women’s health screening in my organisation, and we fought for there to be a receptacle male service, but it was so poorly attended that it was pulled and quite rightly the women’s service continued.

Men need tp talk to other men to promote better health including being able to discuss ED without shame. We recently ran a men’s health drop in where I made sure ED was covered as well as fertility, we even had a menopause stand for though supporting partners.

It saddens me when I read many posters on here where ED is an issue and Men are prepared to burn their lives down rather than go and see if help is available and Op regarding the popping sensation then he absolutely needs to see if there is anything going on .

Thank you, yes it's really concerning. Will speak to him again about it. Thanks for the encouragement.

My sister recently went for a scheduled mammogram and something was picked up that she had absolutely no symptoms for and is now undergoing treatment.

Men are not even offered the the option of the the same most basic medical screening even though prostate cancer is now the 2nd most common new cancer in the UK, just behind breast cancer

Lots of holes to dive into here: ( no pun intended...)

Firstly, i assume he masturbates - Does he ( or if you don't know ask ) get bigger/harder/erect when he's alone. This will determine if its a physical issue or mental issue. I assume due to his weight its likely a physical issue but best to cut out any psychological reasons.

Secondly, men get embarrassed about their penis's, whether its them being too small, a weird shape or in his case, not working properly. The ONLY person that can fix his penis is him, and for him to fix it he needs to seek help.

A really important question to ask/figure out is whether or not he gets night time erections/morning glory. Although NTE use a different nerve passage ( which means even those that are impotent can get NTE ) , if he doesn't get NTE he will begin to get Atrophy, meaning no fresh oxygenated blood will enter his penis and he will lose size. I went through this myself and lost 2 inches. If most men who were too embarrassed to seek help knew this, I guarantee it would change their stance!

The real question is, does your husband actually want to have sex, and want to have sex with you? If he doesn't then you are fighting a losing battle I'm afraid. If he does, then there ae things he can do.

• Tri-max injections - Like Viagra on steroids but guaranteed to work. Takes some planning, and they need to be kept in the fridge but works in 20 minutes and he will be harder than he's ever been.
• A hollow strap on. He puts his non-erect penis inside and uses it as his own.
• Vacuum pump - This is a safter way of achieving an erection than injections but isn't as effective.
• Implant - The last resort, once he has one there is no going back, but its erections on demand for as long a you both want. Most Urologists will wants him to have tried all avenues before going down this route.

These are all great solutions, and a man having ED should not mean the end of your sex life, but, if he isn't bothered about getting help then you either need to accept it, find someone else, or open up your marriage to other people.

Thank you, good advice! Things I've never heard of. I will talk to him tonight. He definitely wants to have sex, if he could.

We were at a hotel recently and he manged to get the tip in... still softish and came straight away at the entrance, close to the entrance just inside. So random.