Hubby ED sex toy recommendation

[Fishandchipsareyum]

Hello

So my husband can't penetrate me anymore. He can't get it hard enough, been happening for years. We never have had a good sex life though.

It's a mental and we think physical issue. He isn't bothered to go to any Dr, I've just to accept it. I'm late 30s for context, he is early 40s, overweight and I also think he is asd ( that's another story) but I don't even try anymore because he gets all weird n defeated when we do and it won't go in.

I miss being penetrated so was thinking of getting a dildo, I would have him use it on me, he does do oral. I'm not very sexually adventurous lol

Any recommendations? Just a basic one , don't need anything special. I'm new to all this.

He came straight away due to anxiety - it’s the caveman’s instinct to come quickly for fear of predators and where the only need for sex was to reproduce.

He needs to see a Urologist and ask for a Doppler. This measures the amount of blood going into the penis vs how much leaves the penis. If the amount leaving is greater than the amount entering then he has a venous leak.

If he can at least get hard, but struggles to maintain the erection then a cock ring could be helpful, but do not wear for more than half an hour.

OP, might your DH get hard with some stimulation on his cock?

He gets harder not fully though and it usually cant get inside still.

I second the earlier question about morning wood. Does he get this?

Does he get properly hard at any other time?

Speaking as someone in his late 40s (and whose erections aren't as much a given as they were) there can be physical and mental issues. Don't underestimate the mental ones! It's helpful to know whether he gets erections at other times.

I do think your DH definitely needs to see the doctor though and have his general health checked out.

He doesn't get fully hard like he used to at other times. He hasn't had a morning glory in a while he said. Couple months maybe, not sure how often he was getting them in recent years though.

I would genuinely tell him his dick will shrink unless he gets help: don’t under estimate the power of NTE.

this is coming from some who has had it all , Peyronies, atrophy, ED and now the implant ( which I fu king love btw )

@Joey699
Unfortunately the PSA testing for prostate cancer is unreliable, that's why there's not a screening programme. You can have a low (say 9) and have advanced cancer or a high one of 50 and not have prostate cancer. Larger prostates produce more PSA, some cancers don't secrete any PSA (so are v dangerous).
Also medics don't know from a PSA test how aggressive a cancer is without a MRI and maybe biopsy. There's a risk of over treatment in thousands of men. The NHS won't cope.
However there is a blood test being trialled which hopefully will be much more accurate and give a guide of the aggressiveness of any cancer found.

Thanks I'm glad I posted this as its been really informative health wise actually. Thanks everyone.

In the UK the national breast cancer screening program has been running for over 30 years, women are invited for a mammogram

men have nothing, even if the PSA is unreliable ( I’ve had several) men are not even offered one ( or a DRE ), saying that the NHS might over treat some men is just a cop out really for saying that it cares less about men than women ( don’t forget the women also have a cervical cancer screening programme )

every year about 55,000 men are diagnosed with prostate cancer ( a slightly lower number than women with breast cancer), but projected to rise up 85,000 by 2040 )

some men are okay and have no treatment, some unfortunately die and it’s about time the UK actually invests into men’s health as well as women’s health

@Joey699
I don't disagree but I was explaining the reasons why the NHS doesn't have a proper screening programme.
My DB in his 50s asked his GP first a PSA test but this refused because the GP doesn't believe in it.
DH should have been diagnosed in 2016 but biopsies weren't MRI guided back then. He was told he was clear but he wasn't advised that there was a 25% false negative rate without an MRI.
In 2020 his PSA had doubled, he had an MRI and biopsy and was diagnosed as stage 4 with spread to bone. He's had treatment and is ok for now.
Men are being failed.

Don't we all!

He definitely should consult a doctor; would he go if you made the appointment? (I’m asd & hate making appointments).

If he was looking at underwear models, maybe get some porn & your dildo to change things up. He should feel less pressure, you both may have some fun & hopefully things may get better. Sounds like you both need a bit of fun, & open communication. Letting resentments fester make all aspects of your life harder. You both deserve to feel valued & supported.

Good luck!

I was just rereading your posts.

Just wondering if you realise ED is only part of your issue? eg

• have no life of my own
• in survival mode
• sense of duty to stay
• basically stuck here

I think maybe you’re feeling overwhelmed by your kids asd, for one, & maybe feeling unsupported by hubby in this & other areas?

These issues can affect your sex life too.

I know you only asked about the sex stuff though so there’s this; a man can hear a pop & experience a penis fracture. It is a real thing.

As this has been ongoing since 2019, I’d be surprised if it hadn’t affected your relationship, because both of you are affected by this situation, in different ways. I can’t tell whether you have had open communication about it or not.

You said when you discovered he’d been looking at underwear pics you weren’t happy. Why? Would you prefer he did it with you, or maybe you could watch porn together, along with your new toy?

You say you just want to experience what a sexually healthy marriage is like, but also that we never had a good sex life though.

Mumsnet may help with a dildo recommendation but sex/relationship counseling may also be helpful if you want to improve your life & get more enjoyment. Please don’t settle for your situation. It’s not fair on you, your partner or your kids.

Hi everyone.

I woke up feeling something is missing from my life. Does anyone have any experience of using Feeld to find a woman who would like to join OH and me occasionally for meals out, drinks, and sensual sexual fun?

Been using a penis sleeve for a while and it’s really smoothed things out for me. It fits comfortably, feels natural, and takes the pressure off when I need a break. It’s low‑key, actually helps, and has made a solid difference in my routine.

This is one of the worst posts I’ve ever read on MN (and I’ve been here 15 years).

What a disgusting way to treat your partner. Could you imagine if this was said the other way around and it was a man talking about a woman like this?

Has he tried Viagra? You can buy online or over the counter.
Anything left untreated leads to more complications so offer to go to doctors with him.

Of course, it’s always the fault of a woman. You can’t expect a man to go to the doctor about anything embarrassing can you?

And yes, l would expect a woman to see a doctor about problems too.

cyalis works fine, it is an over the counter medication and can be bought from Superdrug online with a few questions from the online pharmacist.

If your man is taking blood pressure medication then read the side effects in the instructions in the packet - one of the side effects could be ED.

YOU ONLY HAVE 1 LIFE .
TELL HIM TO FIX IT ALL OF IT .
AND GO GET A DILDO OFF AMAZON AND FUCK YOURSELF WILD .
DO YOU WANT TO LIVE YOUR LIFE THIS WAY ? Be miserable for your kids until they get older then what are you left with ? In your 30’s SMH

Cockring will help with that, get a stretchy ones aimed at beginners