Virgin at 36 do I need to tell new partner

[Weetom]

Long story short I'm a man and still a virgin in my late 30's . I'm on a dating app and thinking of meeting with someone. Do I need to Tell them in advance I'm a virgin? I'm not expecting anything to happen for a few dates. Have had other times when I have been chatting with girls and once I tell them they usually run a mile!!

I must admit if I heard that I’d be very surprised or suspect I was being lied to. I would resent being your “instructor,” I think, and also assume sex would be a bit rubbish. I’d go for don’t tell, but be receptive to feedback…plenty of experienced men are in dire need of it too!

um.. I think quite differently to this.

I'd also think maybe not true, and I would wonder why/how you hadn't had sex yet. But if it was true, of course I wouldn't resent being the first person - I'd consider it an honour, and I wouldn't think it would be 'rubbish', I'd think it would be amazing.

I couldn't judge a man on experience. In fact, I'd prefer genuine connection and appreciation over anything else.

I wouldn't put it on a dating profile as I think it's privileged information and private. You need to make a real connection with a woman, then your stage of experience won't matter. The right woman will love to be the first person.

I have heard this before from girls . I'm getting to a age where potential partner have teenager child and like one girl told me her 16 year son had more sexual experience that me !

You don't need to tell them prior to meeting, no.

Who are these horrid women? Why is experience important??

A perfect instinct is the only important thing. All the rest can be learned.

Actually I’m wondering if you should turn your virtue into a real virtue, as it were.

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Hi

I had two male friends well into the 30's who hadn’t had sex with anyone. I do know that they did get judged by potential partners when they found out which at the time I didn’t really understand. I came to the conclusion that my mates missed their opportunity when we were all young and a bit rubbish to learn on the go so to speak and a 30 year old woman I would imagine is a bit put off by a man who can’t take a bra off and is a bit of a fumbler.

Both did eventually go on to have PIV sex one who married the women he met on OLD and one who my sister’s friend decided he needed freeing of his burden at a garden party.

The advantage you have is that there are far more resources and information to educate yourself than when we were rummaging around in the back of our Nova's! Hopefully, you have had a lot of time research what to do and what might be a good, and start off in a much better place than most of us.

If you haven’t then I would definitely start and I would be inclined to go for material written or produced by women. Hopefully this could give you some confidence as confidence (not arrogance) is hot in any sexual partner and yes, I would tell her if I felt confident enough to have sex with her as I think it coming up afterwards could be a bit off.

I would then look forward to putting into practise!!

It's a bit unusual but I wouldn't say anything

I think it's a good idea to tell someone you're a virgin so they can be aware that you could be nervous and need a bit of instruction. Some women will be put off by it and some won't mind.If I was the woman in this scenario I probably wouldn't go for a man this age with zero sex experience because I'd assume that there was something amiss. Rather than it all just being about whether they can perform in bed or not.

By things being amiss I mean lack of communication skills, inability to connect and form meaningful relationships. I think these things are important to know about when getting into a relationship with someone.

Well the reason I'm still a virgin is because I have been looking after friend members and probably wasn't putting myself first. But I understand most people will just assume it's because of something being 'wrong'

actually yes I was just thinking this is the best idea, or do it and tell them after

My female friend met her husband in her 30s and she was very experienced. He was a virgin at 35 and it hasnt affected their relationship in any way.
My first instinct would be to not tell but then it would perhaps depend upon how the woman is in herself. As a female I wouldn't see this as a negative, I would think it could be exciting to explore this.
In terms of educating yourself before the event, I always recommend Jenny Keane as a good go to person for education that is inclusive of all needs. She ran some "buy on demand pre recorded video workshops" over the summer on various sexual skills for men & women. I'm not sure if she still has them available but have a look at her Instagram account (hello Jenny Keane) & website.
Good luck, enjoy yourself & if you feel able, let us know if you decide to say anything beforehand. Exciting times ahead!

Nothing wrong with being a virgin at 36 and certainly not something you should hide. If she's decent enough, she will be absolutely fine with it.

I'm 38 and only ever slept with one. The sexless nature of our relationship sometimes makes me feel like a born again virgin haha.

Guy here. I'd suggest keeping it to yourself until after you are being intimate with a woman. Rightly or wrongly, I believe most women would run away just as you have experienced. Most will be coming out of failed relationships and given how sought after women are in OLD can afford to be choosy, they likely wouldn't choose a guy who possibly cannot give them what they want in the bedroom.

Perhaps look at the Bad Girls Bible website for some tips, when you’re ready.

Whether you want to tell the woman before you do the deed is up to you. If you do decide to mention it, I wouldn’t advise mentioning it at the very beginning. I would develop a bit of an emotional connection before opening up.

Yes, all the rest can be learned, but an intimate relationship is the one doffing area of my life as an adult woman where it shouldn’t be unreasonable to expect to experience as much nurturing as I am called upon to give. I have caring responsibilities, dependent children and a career in a caring profession. If a new partner came out with “By the way, I’m a virgin!” I fear it might finish me off…not in a good way!

Maybe if I were still in the romantic, looking for true love phase of life I might find it more endearing, but I’m old, bitter and, while essentially kind and possess a sense of fairness, after a good seeing to!

Honestly I wouldn't. Unless you want to. Not sure what benefit it would bring. Just be confident and take your time.

It's not unreasonable, it's your individual requirement, fair dos.

For some reason I am the opposite - I have never thought of experience as a requirement in a guy. My ideal is learning together. And age isn't a consideration for me. I just don't buy into the propaganda that it's a limiting factor, because it isn't for me.

I honestly would see an 'experienced' guy as needing to be re-broken and re-trained to our connection, therefore an inexperienced guy is actually more ready to go.

Am I very bad in finding the idea of a guy losing his virginity to me to be exciting?

Starting to think this is the best policy, only thing is I feel that I'm maybe starting a relationship on lie by not being 100% honest

"Starting to think this is the best policy, only thing is I feel that I'm maybe starting a relationship on lie by not being 100% honest."

The fact that you've asked on here & you're concerned about not lying is enough to say that you are approaching this in the right way. If we were to flip it round, you wouldn't be expecting your new partner to confess how many people she's had sex with before you have sex together, so try to put it out of your mind, as much as you can. Don't let it become a hurdle/barrier that stops you enjoying yourself. I imagine you've anticipated this happening for a while, so you want to be in a position to be in the moment enjoying it rather than worrying about it.

^ this

There are plenty of posts advising women that their sexual history is no one else’s business and no reason why that shouldn’t apply to you too.

You can do a bit of research into techniques but ultimately all women are different. What works for one woman won’t for another which is why a willingness to learn is far more important than previous experience. When you do get to the point of being intimate either ask her what she likes or get her to show you.

I don't know my dh's number and he doesn't know mine. It's just something we have never felt the need to discuss and it's never been a problem.

Think I'm just not going to mention it unless asked

A close friend is an amputee. He found that mentioning it before he had been talking for a few weeks.
Advertising his disability brought out the worst in people who would tell him they were unsure 'but some photos would help'. There are a lot of fetishists out there.