Will it get better?

[Drunkskunkbat]

I have been seeing someone for 5 months, I had a huge crush on him before we got together so was fantasising about how great the sex would be and couldn’t wait to jump on him. Anyway…..it’s been nothing like I imagined, he seems pretty selfish and seems to cum very quickly before I have and then doesn’t help me finish. With previous partners this has been ok because they have been able to go again but he doesn’t, once he’s done that it 🙄. I have introduced toys to the bedroom and he bought me a new toy, a couple times I have managed to cum but usually he cums first and assumes I have too. We only see each other once every 2 weeks, sometimes one e a week if I’m lucky. This weekend we tried something new (me being Dom) but this just made him cum even quicker and it was pretty much over after 5 minutes. He is quite a bit older than me, I’m 42 and he’s 56 but I don’t think that has anything to do with it? How can I make him last longer and get him to finish me off first? Or am I flogging a dead horse?

My sex drive is pretty high and I’m feeling pretty frustrated and have even considered getting sex elsewhere.

Have you talked with him about it?

Yes, we talk and nothing changes, he apologises a lot but doesn’t put any more effort in to making sure I’ve had a good time. His ex cheated on him and a few people have told him hers rubbish in bed…..but he does nothing about it.

If hes been told he's rubbish in bed that can't do his self esteem any good and in telling you this he knows there's obviously an issue maybe he could see to himself so to speak a few hours before you meet

I think on the description that you have given it is time to move on.

Your question Wil it get better? Most of the threads on this topic are not positive with a happy ending.

She might surprise you. Believe me, I have slept with people who are inexperienced and people who have had loads of experience, those who claim to have loads of experience have been the worst (including this guy).

Wow

Right. I hope this poor lady says no if Olderwiser ever plucks up the courage to proposition her !

It doesn’t in my experience as generally you need to be on the same page as the other person.
Just because he cums first doesn’t mean he can’t make cum after, either going down on you, toys, fingers etc….its a bit of a cop out if he’s not thinking like that or doesn’t even notice you haven’t come, that feels like a huge lack of communication.

Can you not wait for round 2 and have him pleasure while waiting?

I can't see this getting better to be honest! You've tried explaining and he's done nothing to solve the issue and is darn right selfish and I can't see that changing.

Just say to him "I’m really sorry John but I can’t keep having sex with you if there’s nothing in it for me" and be prepared to walk away.

Round 2? She's been seeing him 5 months and it's still shit

Do you mean him going a 2nd time? Because if so I don’t think he can/will. As soon as he’s finished round 1 he’s done.

If he is unwilling to ensure your pleasure too, then he is selfish in bed and nothing really is going to change that. The fact that he doesn't want to do it more than once is also strange, especially this early in your dating p period. Perhaps you hoped things would improve because of your crush on him. You have given him lots of chances but it just seems he is not particularly good in bed. Might be best to part ways because this would be disappointing and frustrating in the long run.

He isn't caring. It wouldn't take much to put you first. He sounds quite selfish, unimaginative and lazy tbh.

Talk to the 36 year old virgin on the other thread.. you could train him right 😉

He's probably really turned on do you touch him and all that . All I know if Mrs dazzler properly wanks me I'm done pretty sharpish..... no touching I'll last much longer

I think I keep hoping things will improve. It started pretty well last time, we tried something new and it felt great but he finished before I could (again) and then that was it…he never goes again. It is frustrating….I am really frustrated. He’s a nice guy but can be selfish in and out of bed.

I try not to touch him too much but if I don’t touch him and just jump on he says “already?”. Last time I gave him a bit of a BJ which he loves but it probably didn’t help the situation 😬. I thought introducing toys would help, meaning he could finish me off with them when he had finished but it hasn’t happened, he just wants me to use them in myself whist we are having sex, as soon as he has finished that’s it, he doesn’t really want to continue with anything.

He doesn’t even notice when you haven’t cum, let alone try to make you cum using a different way. The him cumming first is a bit of a red herring. If my boyfriend came first he would 100% go down on me to make sure I did too.

@Drunkskunkbat have you tried the special condoms? Extended pleasure they are called and numb it slightly. Also try having a few drinks or get him to have a solo session before he meets up, they've all worked for me 👍 Now I'm older I never have that problem. I think the key issue though is does he want to do anything about it.. seems not.

At 56 he may have a long refractory period and not be capable of round 2 rather than it being due to selfishness.

You mentioned that sometimes assumes you have come, do you make sure he knows you haven’t? Have you told him that you wanted him to use toys on you after he has finished? I’d suggest being very clear about your expectations, that your orgasm is mandatory if you are to continue having sex and if there is no improvement after that cut your losses