Someone help....

[Emmac38]

Someone please help me before I loose my mind!!
My boyfriends a freak! We've been together 8 years and throughout the years I've found hidden sex toys he has, all anal toys and when I've found them he says he doesn't like anal it's just something he tried. The toys get discarded and then he buys more, and hides them again.
This time it's worse.... I've recently found out he's expecting a delivery.... Of women stockings, mens mesh body suits, more sex toys, male g string thongs and even a fucking cat tail!!!!
I'm disgusted, literally wanna throw up in my mouth.
I also think he's been wearing my underwear when I'm not around as they are always rolled in the draw like they have been worn and rolled off, it bugged me for ages until I figured it out.
Oh and also... I believe he's pissed in my shoe before...
I'm being 100% serious here, please help me I'm loosing my shit.

Just leave.

Going to say the obvious here but talk to him and ask him what he’s into his fantasies ect. Calmly, find out before you do anything drastic.
Men are terrified of exposure, ie you telling his work colleagues/friends what he’s into
Horrible thing to say but use this, threaten him with it if he doesn’t open up to you.
Then decide what your next course of action is.
This is ringing bells with me PM me if you wish x

Seriously?! Threaten to tell his family and colleagues what kinks he's into if he doesn't open up about it? Yeah, that'll make him trust her for sure!

OP, have you spoken to him about your discovery? Asked him if you can have a conversation about the toys and clothing he's buying?

Ultimately if the thought of him using anal toys on himself makes you want to puke, the relationship is probably doomed. You're just not sexually compatible.

I agree with Pinot here, you need an open minded talk between you where he feels comfortable to open up

Yep, he is into stuff you don't like (which in itself is fine), but won't tell you about for fear of embarrassment.

If you can get him to discuss it with you honestly, then at least you can make an informed decision. If he won't even discuss it, then walk away before you are even more committed!

Why wouldn't you just dump? He pissed in your shoes, that is disgusting behaviour.

Hi

clearly this is a shock. How is the rest of your relationship? Are you happy.

your boyfriend has kinks and he’s obviously embarrassed. He has gauged your disgusted and hence hidden or tried to hide his kink.

can i ask are you upset he’s hidden this or the actual act. Try to seperate the two.

if the rest of the relationship is worth saving then it’s time for a long non judgemental talk

fyi we as a couple have played with all of this but very openly as a couple.

good luck

Time to call it a day and be glad you’re not married. He needs to find a partner who can indulge in his butt play, cross drsssing, and urination kinks; you deserve a partner whose sexual desires don’t “make you want to throw up in your mouth.” Even once honest conversations are had, it sounds like you won’t ever want to join in on his fantasies and he won’t want to suppress them (and will just keep them hidden from you). Time to move on.

Yep sorry, I missed that bit. That's pretty much dumpable behaviour on it's own, assuming its not a medical issue 🤨

How's the rest of your sex life with him OP? Have his kinks affected this? His kinks sound quite expensive and demanding and somewhat self indulgent - has he ever bought toys for you? Sounds though that he is a bit obsessed with it all and probably not the best sexual partner for you. Also I wouldn't be surprised if he's sharing these niche interests with others online swapping pictures etc.

Sounds like he'll always put his kinks and fetishes first, above needs of a partner and if he has indeed pissed in your shoes that alone is enough of a reason to ditch him!

If you accept any of this it becomes normal. That often leads to more extreme behaviour. Gimp suit, violence and pain or zipping himself into a holdall and being found a month later.
If this is real.

Good Luck OP

So the relationship has been pants to be fair, he's cheated, lied and done some pretty bad things... Things that can get him arrested, and actually has done. His family know what he's done in the past and have tried getting him private help. All they keep doing is saying I need to support him and all my feelings of hurt have been pushed aside everytime even though I'm the one being hurt.
I've spoken to him openly in the past about it all, I've asked him if he's gay, if that's what he likes in his free time, and he's point blank said he tried it and doesn't like it, I've asked if he wants me to do it to him and he's refused and said it's not what he wants. So the conversation has been had.
I found videos on his phone of him pissing in the sink when we was on holiday, he's on singers sites and even sent pictures and videos of himself to other men, taken photos of women by the pool on holidays and sent them to people he speak to on singers sites also. Plus much more...
This isn't the man I fell in love with, he had 2 sides to him but claims the 2nd person isn't him he just does things without thinking of the consequence.
I know it's over but with all the things he's done how can I allow someone like this to continue doing what he's doing?! I'd feel guilty if he did it to someone else. I can't change him, shall I report him?

Just get out. Then assess how you feel about reporting him. Both don’t have to happen on the same day.

Report him to whom ???

its clearly not working for you, just end the relationship.

So your advice is to blackmail him?

That's some update. Just leave him and move on.

Blackmail?
what a stupid comment

Sounds like a strange chap

What has he done that's illegal? Presume that's what you mean by reporting him?

Who are you going to report him to? And for what?

Dressing in women's underwear. Having anal toys. Pissing in the sink and maybe your shoe. Doing something with your knickers. Being on a swingers site. Exploring his sexuality to see if he's bi. Wearing a cat tale (remember, maybe some of this stuff is for someone else, if he's also cheated).

None of the above is illegal or even nowadays considered to be particularly kinky. Just let him go, leave him nicely, let him have his sexuality - it's his choice. Yours is, if you don't like it then you don't have to be involved with it, leave him.

Sounds like this is the last in a long list and should be final nail in the coffin situation, all the stuff in the ‘update’ is enough for you to walk away then this latest discovery tips it even further.

If everything other than the kink was fine then you might have something worth saving but if by your own admission “it’s pants” then what’s the point

Or am I misreading things??

Report him to the bad-boyfriend police?

Just end things. Why would you want to 'punish' him? He's not the right man for you. You're free to leave him. What's so difficult?

Dump him immediately

The same thing has just happened to me.

How can anyone just "walk away" these days, especially at my age (61). I will lose the house and worse I have my little cat to think of who has a very happy life here.

I'm absolutely devestated, shocked and have now been staring into space for 15 hours.

I worked overtime, got let out early, drove home and there he was dressed in suspenders doing something on his computer in the brightly lit bed room..Every light in the house was on, a strange thing to come home to at 4am in the morning. The house reeked of sweat. I presume now he was talking to other perverts.

A month ago I found some knickers that were not mine and there was another incident so I am guessing he is becoming more bolder. I found a really old object in his cupboard, kind of rusty and I thought, "OMG, I think it's a dowser".

He said he had erection problems due to blood pressure tablets and bought loads of anal toys about six month ago, but now I understand he cannot get an erection because he is not attracted to me.

I don't deserve this, why didn't he tell me he was a tranny? He said he's been doing it for 30 years!!

Why bother with doing sex if it's so complicated, takes such a long time to "get off", you need to talk to swingers (from one of the above informative posts) and end up with anal diseases? (now I know why he needs the hemeroid cream and tomorrow is going to get a camera put into his rectum for, I am beginning to suspect, rectal cancer)

During the screaming match last night I said, "Are you not ashamed that tomorrow the doctors will find out how big your assh... is?" He said no, because all men and most women will have been shoving things into their a.."!

I know one shouldn't write or act in anger, and I don't know if my post will make sence, but I'm so upset. Thanks for listening, anyway