To not want to have to avoid one position forever?

[Rizzo8]

Been with boyfriend for a year. Early on we went on a holiday where we were both very relaxed and he frequently gave me a good seeing too in every possible position. I felt very satisfied overall.

Now I can't complain about overall satisfaction (makes sure I get mine first etc) but he has become weird about one position: doggy.

He claims he needs the intimacy of seeing me etc. If we have spooning sex he orgasms fast and doesn't complain.

But for the last month or two, if I want doggy he finds a way to avoid it or flat out won't do it. At first he said the angle was wrong, then last week when I turned over he said 'come back please. You're not a piece of meat for me to pound!'

I was shocked. To me we have a good relationship, but I'm not willing to give up a sexual position that gives me a lot of pleasure compared to others. Any advice?

Blimey! Just turn that around. What if it was him determined not to give up a sexual position he liked and you didn't, to the point it was a turn off?

How would you consider that?

Well then break up with him clearly?!!

I feel like it's good he told you how he feels and he isn't unreasonable to say so and feel this way. If you can't get over this then break up. He might have a touch of whore/Madonna though...

Anyone is allowed to say no to any sex act they want to, including a certain position.

Obviously no one should be pressured into a sexual position they aren't comfortable with. If my DH told me he wasn't willing to give up a position he liked despite me not liking it, I'd be extremely unimpressed.

Have you discussed this with him outside of sex?

Seriously? He wants to look at you because he loves you and doesn’t enjoy it.

How important is this to you?

@ThoseDarnCrows this has actually happened before when I was 20. Then boyfriend wouldn't do doggy. Next boyfriend loved it and it was a relief.

I think for me there are two things going on. It is one of the only positions where I feel deep pleasure and secondly I do occasionally want a bit of light dominance.

I thought that at first. But he is fine with spooning where he can't look at me?

But spooning is more intimate

Talk to him about it? And not just when you are in situ…

It doesn't matter what his reasons are. Actually he doesn't need to give you a reason. He's told you he doesn't want to do it so that should be the end of it. If it's a deal-breaker for you then you need to move on. No-one should be made to do anything they're not comfortable with, men included.

secondly I do occasionally want a bit of light dominance.

That's fine. But you can't insist someone else takes part.

You need to have a conversation with him at a time when you're not having sex. Explain what you want and how you feel, he can do the same, and you can see whether it's an issue that you can deal with together or not.

My first thoughts were Madonna complex. It is most likely this... and something that ends up often really damaging a woman's relationship with her own sexuality.

It also usually gets much, much worse after children.

OP, I would take this seriously.

We are all allowed sexual preferences right!? No one should ever do a position or act that they don't like and you would be unreasonable to expect it.

BUT, if the issue is what PP and I mentioned then it is a deeper and complex problem.

Edit to add: Doggy style is the position I receive the most pleasure. I don't mind the others, but I would at most class them as "pleasant/mildly enjoyable".
So I do understand you feeling that it is important and it may just be you are sexually incompatible with him.

He's said no
He's allowed to be specific with his consent. As are you.

He mentioned last week 'I need to work on being more dominant' although I haven't actually said that to him yet

I worry he'll say what he thinks I want to hear when you're right, we need to each express how we feel.

@AsYouWiiiiiiiiiiiiish and other PP, yes Madonna/Whore is a concern. I'm not willing to give up feeling sexy either which also feels like what I'm being asked to do.

He has made his views clear. It’s not fair to pressure him into an act he is clearly not comfy with

It's also the fact it's a new problem. He did it lots before without saying he disliked it.

If i'd know he didn't want to I could've dealt with this much earlier.

Spooning, I think, is arguably more intimate than doggy.

I’m surprised, OP, that you think it’s OK to ask anyone to do something sexually that they aren’t comfortable with and don’t enjoy. Have a word with yourself. If you can’t get over it then you leave the relationship.

Maybe now he's only just plucked the courage to say?
If this was the other way around, it would be a whole different story to you wouldn't it.
It's 1 position he isn't comfortable with.. there are SO many more positions you may not of even tried that you may like more than doggy.
If you can't be in the relationship because he isn't comfortable doing doggy then leave, if it's that much of a deal breaker.

But anyone should be free at any point in a relationship to say no. When someone doesn’t feel they can say no then that is a sign of deeper issues

I understand that @Sirzy. It does mean though that you're going to uncover a potential incompatibility much later.

He seems to think doggy = objectifying me. When actually I feel every position is intimate and loving, even if that one is a bit rougher, because we are in a loving relationship.

Sometimes I want intimate/loving and other times a bit more dominant. The thought of never having that again is upsetting as much as I love him

You posted about this a few weeks ago didn’t you? Did you use any of the advice from that thread?

He is the one who should be ending things with you really, as is sounds like it’s all about you want and not what both of you might want/ like in bed

OK. But he doesn’t feel that way. When it comes to sex it’s two very enthusiastic ‘yes’s or it’s a ‘no’.