Use it or lose it

[mnmnddddd]

A friend, who has been single for 10+ years, including through her menopause, reckons it's important to masturbate regularly to maintain your libido. I'm not sure I agree with her.

Having been in a sexless marriage for years and divorced for one, I feel my libido slowing down and am masturbating less. Which is cause and which is effect is hard to judge, and there are obviously numerous other potential factors.

I'm hopeful I'll end up in a healthy, sexual relationship one day, and I'd like to think I'll get my mojo back when I do. In the meantime, do you think there's much truth in my friend's theory?

It doesn't matter. Our bodies change over time. Sometimes its horny other times it isn't and each individual is different. I don't compare myself to other folk.
I've gone through periods when I CBA and other times when I cannot get enough.
If you're in a relationship then communication is paramount as it ebbs and flows. If single then it's not too difficult.

I masturbate more or less daily and have 1:1 sex quite regularly. This is solely about you and what you want though. Surely libido is not something requiring management. Personally, l could not imagine being “single single” (that is to say not have sex with anyone) for 10 weeks let alone 10+ years, l would seek and find the touch of another, it wouldn’t have to be anything serious.

I do think it’s important to keep your sexual side alive yes. If you neglect your sexual self you lose touch with it. Masturbation and fantasy is one very good way to do this. Massage is another.. anything sensual i guess really

I recently read the menopause book by Davina McCall and Louise Newson. There is absolutely evidence that vaginally atrophy during menopause can be minimised by regular sex and / or masturbation. Your vagina is a muscle. If you don't use it, it will atrophy just like any other muscle.

I agree a little bit. I think what's more important is sexual desire in the first place. But I do think that the more orgasmic releases you have, the more you feel you need them. I'm married and want to have sex with my husband so I do, but when I had been single for long periods I could go without sex but I could not go without orgasms. I would hook up with men occasionally if I felt like it but often I was sexually satisfied just sorting myself out. However, I think it comes naturally. If you're a person who can take or leave sex/ masturbation then you don't have a high libido. Exploring masturbation could increase it if you want it to be.

I think it's the psychological side I wouldn't want to lose. I like feeling horny and wouldn't want to not feel that. But that's obviously tied in with all kinds of neurological and physiological aspects of sexuality, so I've no idea of the dynamics between desire and practice.

Our similar aged female GP said that (Use it of lose it) to my wife.

I can’t remember where I read this but it seems that the clitoris itself can shrink as you age and regular “use” helps prevent this.

“Clitoral atrophy occurs when the clitoris stops responding to sexual arousal and no longer functions as it should. The clitoris can even disappear. This may be the result of a change in hormones or inadequate blood flow to the vagina and clitoris.
The loss of blood flow may be the result of infrequent use. Those who aren’t sexually active are more likely to experience clitoral atrophy. A major shift in hormones, such as menopause or starting hormonal birth control, may be another cause.”

The above is from the Healthline website but it wasn’t where I first read it.

Probably best not to take any chances 😂

Good job this is one form of exercise that is a joy to undertake.

I'm long term single and can't do it all the time but it does boost my mood.

I have a couple of nice casual guys for mutual pleasure now and then. I wouldn't see them more frequently as I'd move into developing feelings territory because of the hormones even though I know neither of them are viable partners-one plans to emigrate.

It's true the more you have sex the more you want it.

Not always a joy. Some things arentvtgat black and white.

My comment was about masturbation as that is what the original post was referring to.

I can understand sex not always being enjoyable, if you don’t want it or is otherwise painful, but I don’t know why you would bother with solo sex if you don’t enjoy it. If you don’t find it a joy, don’t bother with it.

Some people's bodies might need to cum but they can feel guilty about masturbattion.
You can say its perfectly natural etc etc but a quick Google.will show they are not alone.

I absolutely agree. I used to have awful guilty feelings about it. My mum was so strict about anything sex related. I felt so bad for doing and still did until I was in my early 30s.

Thankfully I don’t anymore. I don’t know what changed, but it was probably a combination of factors. I know not everyone is so lucky.

I don't think anyone's saying to masturbate if you don't like it. They're just going off the assumption that masturbation in general is pleasurable for the majority of people.

There are reasons other than guilt that craving a sexual release might not always be purely a pleasure. There is no guilt at all for ne. Feeling a need to cum and to feel driven to fulfill that need can also be an irritation.
Like I say, some of this is complicated. .

Absolutely agree, it helps with stress relief it releases endorphins and keeps our bodies circulating all the good stuff it needs to prosper.

However, you need to enjoy it for this to really benefit your body etc. Doing it for the sake of it will give off good energy for your body but if you get the right toys (if you need them) and give yourself an amazing orgasm it’s even better for you.

@BeenThere101 - l think there is a huge gulf between casual “anyone will do” sex, where there is a danger of being used and self controlling emotions and boundaries. It’s really about mutual respect and passion. First and foremost lover(s) should also be your friend.

It’s difficult to put into words without ending up with a dissertation. I think a lot goes back to draconian attitudes about sex being something a man “does” to a woman. On this occasion, l’m happy for a PM from you if you would like to discuss further.

I agree with the above. Much better to be friends and lovers then FB or FWB. Respect for each other is an important factor.

I think I agree with your friend, I certainly think use it or lose it applies for a lot of things. I am mid 50s and happily married for 25 years.

I'm not sure if I agree. Sex with friends has the potential to get emotionallly complicated. FWB is a simple, honest arrangement and far easier to walk away from.