OK to spit on my vagina and ignore me saying no?

[jubs15]

The other night my boyfriend's room was boiling, to the extent my clothes were sticking to me. He wanted to go down on me and I said no, because I was sweaty. He said, "Hang on a minute, I'm not going to lick you", dropped spit straight from his mouth onto my vagina, then started giving me oral sex anyway. I have seen signs of his porn use affecting our sex life. Do you think all this is another?

I've seen guys spit on women like that in porn and although I went on to enjoy him going down on me at the time, I've since wondered if it was not OK that he did it when I'd specifically said no.

We didn't actually have sex. Me wanking him off and going down on him for ages didn't work. He had to finish himself off by hand and I had to tell him not to cum on my face, because it was looking very much like his plan. I spoke to him about his porn use only a week earlier and he's clearly not cut down. I'm getting sick of compensating for it, tbh.

No. If you’re not into it, and have said no, it’s not ok for him to just go ahead and do it anyway.

Bring it up with him in the morning maybe. some time when sex isn’t on the cards. It’s not always easy to bring things up in the middle of it. But you’ve been able to think about it, and you don’t like what happened.

It’s not so much his porn use specifically that’s the problem here. It’s that he hasn’t respected your boundaries. He’s ignored you when you said you don’t want him to do something. That’s what you want to be really clear about with him. When you say no, he needs to stop.

if he doesn't listen, or isn’t pretty fucking remorseful and apologetic about his behaviour in the cold light of day, you want to consider not having sex with him again, or ending the relationship.

It’s absolutely fine for him to spit on you if that’s something you’re into. Or if it’s something that you’re not into, but you let him do because he’s into it and you’re not bothered.

But if you’ve said no, and he’s carried on, that’s where the problem is.

I'm very open-minded but I hate spitting, it would be a definite no for me - being spat on or spitting on a partner. Even seeing someone spitting as they walk along the street turns my stomach.

I had to tell him not to cum on my face, because it was looking very much like his plan

What does “it was looking very much like his plan” mean? Does he do this often? Do you consent?

How long have you been together?

I was lying on my back, he was kneeling over me and it was pointing towards my face. I've known him for 3 1/2 months.

Me and my husband have sex 3-4 times a week. There are times I’m away with work or on my period. I honestly don’t understand why woman have a problem with men watching porn. Although we have regular sex I’d be deluded to think he wasn’t watching porn I honestly feel it’s just normal for men.

The noise of sex is a turn on. Surely you feel turned on when you see a sex scene in a film?

He’s imaging it’s you and him when he watches porn and is just living out his fantasy when fucking you.

For my own understanding why do you have a problem with your man watching porn? Genuinely curious and not exactly a question I can ask my friends 😂 sorry if that sounds abrupt.

If, after a frank discussion, you two can’t align on shared values regarding sex, I’d be encouraging you to throw this one back. It’s only been a few months and the long term arguments/expectations with an over-porned man aren’t worth it IMO.

If he knows you don’t like your face being cummed on, yet you have to remind him that you haven’t given consent, for fear that he will get carried away…that’s a huge red flag in my book.

Dump. This guy is showing you know respect.

The porn use is another issue.

And probably so long as he doesn’t try to start behaving like a porn star too

@BarraNayk @BlackPanther75 but if it adds more excitement I genuinely don’t see the problem. He’s just living out his fantasy. You can’t seriously tell me that you both don’t have sexual fantasies?

OP has clearly said that she doesn’t want to live out his porn fantasies. That’s okay. She isn’t obligated. They might not be a good match, and perhaps it’s time for OP to find a BF whose fantasies align with hers.

I don't want to be spat on, choked, slapped or have a finger stuck up my arse without my consent - all of which have happened in the few times we've had sex. Literally none of this has ever happened to me with previous partners. He is free to watch porn videos (and I've told him this), but I don't want to be treated like I'm in one.

There’s no problem if it’s just in his head, and there’s no problem. But if he’s acting it out there’s some pretty coercive shit in porn that could explain what’s happening

No. No. No. No. Time to throw this one back, I think.

If he's done all that to you in the last 3.5 months, your bar is too low, you should not be with him. Non of that is acceptable without consent.

Or just find someone who consents to it.

He sounds horrible. At the very least he’s got a shit attitude towards sex

Did you make your boundaries clear when all this stuff happened? If he's consistently ignoring them, then the relationship doesn't have much of a future I'm afraid.

It becomes a problem when the other partner isn't into it and feels used and disrespected. It doesn't add to the excitement of the OP. I think you're either a selfish guy or a woman who thinks sex is all about the male in the relationship and the woman's needs don't matter. Either one isn't great.

Yeah maybe. I suppose it doesn't really matter either way, both are equally as abusive .