Sex question | Mumsnet

Mia42 · 2024-06-02T08:13:22+00:00

My new partner is a little on the small side . We had sex for the first time last night and it didn’t go as planned ! There was lots of foreplay a bit of sex but he was losing his erection ! He didn’t mind we just continued minus the sex. Now I’m feeling really embarrassed about this thinking maybe I wasn’t good enough? I have had 3 children but my I’m toned down there I was checked over by a gynaecologist. What is going on ? Everything else is so good

FawnFrenchieMum · 02/06/2024 09:14

What makes you think it’s you? Maybe he felt under pressure to perform for you and this was making him lose performance?

clockdoc · 02/06/2024 09:16

I have had 3 children but my I’m toned down there I was checked over by a gynaecologist.

This has given me a giggle this morning - thanks

Original poster

Mia42 · 02/06/2024 09:26

Haha glad it gave you a giggle 😊 I thought I’d mention that as my first thought maybe I was loose down there

OP posts:

Original poster

Mia42 · 02/06/2024 09:27

I suppose i just think if a man is excited enough he’s not going to lose an erection

OP posts:

HazelWicker · 02/06/2024 09:32

How old is he? I think some men do struggle with this

Original poster

Mia42 · 02/06/2024 09:33

38 it kept coming and going

OP posts:

DatingDinosaur · 02/06/2024 10:23

First time (with a new partner) nerves?

marmiteandminticecream · 02/06/2024 11:51

misses the point but how do you stay toned down there

Original poster

Mia42 · 02/06/2024 12:20

kegels

OP posts:

OrlandointheWilderness · 02/06/2024 12:22

Very normal with a new partner with some men. Give it time, don't worry about it and enjoy what does happen and I suspect it will resolve!

Thirdchapterdilemma · 02/06/2024 13:53

Apologies if this comes across a bit patronising (I don’t mean it to be), but you do know that “sex” can mean more than just “penis in vagina” [PIV]? And that for a woman to have satisfying sex you don’t need a hard penis (or any penis for that matter). Cunnilingus, for example, is my absolute favourite form of sexual contact with my wife, but there is more to choose from if toys are involved.
[I am a man, if that’s relevant]

Agiftandacurse · 02/06/2024 19:07

Speak for yourself @Thirdchapterdilemma i do!

JumalanTerve · 02/06/2024 19:08

Men aren't sex robots or a walking penis - their libido and sex lives are often affected by nerves, stress, and plenty of outside factors that have nothing at all to do with the woman they are with. Don't take it personally and have another go!

Dillydollydingdong · 02/06/2024 19:10

My man has this problem, solved by Viagra.

notagypsy · 02/06/2024 19:13

The same thing happened to me. My partner isn’t the biggest and the first time we were intimate he lost his erection on and off! I think he was aware he wasn’t the biggest and that was the reason. Since spending more time at it lol he became more confident that he was enough for me and he definitely is so there is no problems with his performance now!
He is probably aware he is on the small side and that is making him overthink and worry, reassure him and I’m sure it’ll be amazing.

rosaleetree · 02/06/2024 19:16

It kinda makes me sad that he had errection issues and you automatically assume the problem is you.

The problem is with him. Could be many reasons- performance anxiety, health issues, self consciousness about his size etc.

C1N1C · 02/06/2024 19:19

How much foreplay?

As a guy, just offering up another possibility. If there was 'lots', it might be that it just gave up in the end! It's happened to me... It's all hard and ready to go through the foreplay, but because nothing is happening, it goes soft. Men are quite visual, so best way I can describe it is that a Monet is quite impressive when you first see it, but try staring the same painting for 20 minutes (sorry).

Don't take it personally, they have a mind of their own! :)

Anotherparkingthread · 02/06/2024 19:25

Thirdchapterdilemma · 02/06/2024 13:53

Apologies if this comes across a bit patronising (I don’t mean it to be), but you do know that “sex” can mean more than just “penis in vagina” [PIV]? And that for a woman to have satisfying sex you don’t need a hard penis (or any penis for that matter). Cunnilingus, for example, is my absolute favourite form of sexual contact with my wife, but there is more to choose from if toys are involved.
[I am a man, if that’s relevant]

Well that is fucking cringey.

somedaymykingwillloveme · 02/06/2024 19:32

Thirdchapterdilemma · 02/06/2024 13:53

Apologies if this comes across a bit patronising (I don’t mean it to be), but you do know that “sex” can mean more than just “penis in vagina” [PIV]? And that for a woman to have satisfying sex you don’t need a hard penis (or any penis for that matter). Cunnilingus, for example, is my absolute favourite form of sexual contact with my wife, but there is more to choose from if toys are involved.
[I am a man, if that’s relevant]

I need a penis hitting my cervix to make me cum. Sorry to disappoint but we are all different.

Opentooffers · 02/06/2024 19:37

I'm more intrigued as to how a gynaecologist would 'measure your tone' ? Not a thing in UK. Special pressure monitor that assesses your grip? The mind boggles.

Jadeleigh196 · 02/06/2024 19:44

Thirdchapterdilemma · 02/06/2024 13:53

Apologies if this comes across a bit patronising (I don’t mean it to be), but you do know that “sex” can mean more than just “penis in vagina” [PIV]? And that for a woman to have satisfying sex you don’t need a hard penis (or any penis for that matter). Cunnilingus, for example, is my absolute favourite form of sexual contact with my wife, but there is more to choose from if toys are involved.
[I am a man, if that’s relevant]

Yes it's relevant. At what point did you think that it was appropriate for you to comment and yes, come across as VERY patronising on a woman's thread about a sexual issue she found with her partner? It bothered her, hence why she wrote the post. Mansplaining at its finest.

RedBulb · 02/06/2024 19:47

Performance anxiety most likely, it will get better as you get to know each other more. Don’t stress and put any pressure on it, it will work itself out 😊

drainthebath · 02/06/2024 20:21

Thirdchapterdilemma · 02/06/2024 13:53

Apologies if this comes across a bit patronising (I don’t mean it to be), but you do know that “sex” can mean more than just “penis in vagina” [PIV]? And that for a woman to have satisfying sex you don’t need a hard penis (or any penis for that matter). Cunnilingus, for example, is my absolute favourite form of sexual contact with my wife, but there is more to choose from if toys are involved.
[I am a man, if that’s relevant]

Yeah thanks for that. I need a penis inside me to fully enjoy sex and contrary to what you've been told, I prefer them on the large side.

First time for everything I guess but a man telling women what they do and don't need is really a new low.

Hatecleaninglovecleanhouse · 02/06/2024 23:31

Women! You don't need a penis to come, so you shouldn't mind if your man can't fuck for toffee.
😂

Rosecoffeecup · 03/06/2024 06:42

Opentooffers · 02/06/2024 19:37

I'm more intrigued as to how a gynaecologist would 'measure your tone' ? Not a thing in UK. Special pressure monitor that assesses your grip? The mind boggles.

Eh? Of course it's a "thing" here - ots one of the first things a women's health physio will assess!