How often do parents with young children have sex?

Mummyofboys1987 · 2024-03-14T09:28:10+00:00

My husband and I have been married for 15 years and have three young children. I work part time and am frequently exhausted from working/ looking after children etc. leaving no energy for sex. My husband gets upset that I can’t get past the tiredness to want sex. I also have a medical condition that sometimes makes sex painful so there’s some anxiety with this. Wondering how much is normal for people with young children? Once/ twice a week?

GigiAnnna · 14/03/2024 09:39

About 4 or 5 times a week. That's probably not the norm though. We both have high sex drives.

milkonesugar35 · 14/03/2024 19:41

About 6 x a year

DonnaBanana · 14/03/2024 22:00

It’s not unheard of to just not do it at all while you have very young children, especially if still breastfeeding as the prolactin naturally tries to prevent you from having more children yet. So anything is a bonus really. If they are school age or higher then I’d be more worried

rumbypumby · 14/03/2024 23:55

How young is young?
Ours are 2, 6 and 10 and we average 3 times a week.

thisismynewnamefornow · 15/03/2024 16:46

3 small ones.
2-3 times per week. I'd like more, she would I think like less, we meet in the middle and no-one complains.
As much as life is exhausting, I think it's really important to make time for each other, and maybe I'm wrong but my guess is happier couples make regular time with each other (exceptions of course, just speaking generally). If they're really young that's a different situation

penelopepinkbott · 15/03/2024 20:34

Once a week maybe. Kids are 4&6 and I'm exhausted!

bobbycock79 · 15/03/2024 21:52

3 kids under 10. We average twice a month . Would both ideally like more and always say so in the afterglow but are also knackered and have little chance to have evenings our or nights away. The few friends i trust to talk honestly about their sex lives are similar or less.

SaraS12 · 17/03/2024 14:35

Prob once a month

CheeseCrackers45 · 18/03/2024 07:19

Been with DH 10 years, married for 3. Both late 20s. Two kids, 5 and nearly 2. I'd say we average once a week but there's been times where it's been much less frequent, particularly when the kids were younger and not sleeping well.

MarkT · 19/03/2024 23:20

We have three young kids.. It's very difficult to get any time and when you think you do have some private time they wake up! Sounds awful but we have almost given up trying to have sex. Both frustrated by it, but limited options.

JennyBee12 · 20/03/2024 08:19

When mine were little we always aimed for once a week but sometimes it was more like once every 10 days. Now they're 11 and 9 and it's more like 2x a week

Wmale · 21/03/2024 16:09

thisismynewnamefornow · 15/03/2024 16:46

3 small ones.
2-3 times per week. I'd like more, she would I think like less, we meet in the middle and no-one complains.
As much as life is exhausting, I think it's really important to make time for each other, and maybe I'm wrong but my guess is happier couples make regular time with each other (exceptions of course, just speaking generally). If they're really young that's a different situation

My kids are 2 and 4 how old are yours? Did you go without when they were that old?

AHobbyaweek · 23/03/2024 19:32

Age 2.5 and 8 and 5 times a week

ReddishPink · 23/03/2024 22:30

Due to sleep deprivation when our 3 kids were very small, we got in the habit to have sex in the morning at weekends or literally by appointment! Some people may find it less sexy, but being spontaneous was very difficult when they were small. We had sex at least once a week at that time. As they got older and we got more sleep, it became more frequent again. Now we are in our mid 50s we usually have sex daily. HRT has worked wonders for my libido and DH has no complaints!

Wmale · 24/03/2024 06:40

ReddishPink · 23/03/2024 22:30

Due to sleep deprivation when our 3 kids were very small, we got in the habit to have sex in the morning at weekends or literally by appointment! Some people may find it less sexy, but being spontaneous was very difficult when they were small. We had sex at least once a week at that time. As they got older and we got more sleep, it became more frequent again. Now we are in our mid 50s we usually have sex daily. HRT has worked wonders for my libido and DH has no complaints!

What ages? Mine and 2 and 4 and it's once a month. She just says she not in the mood or too tired.

ReddishPink · 24/03/2024 08:35

The minimum we ever got to was about once a week. Everyone is very different, is she working outside the house? Looking after a 4 & 2 year old is exhausting. Are you pulling your weight and making sure she has time away from the family for exercise/seeing friends/hobbies? If women just feel like that are in "mum mode" 24/7 it can kill their libido. Most women, if their emotional/bonding needs are met will be more easily able to be in touch with their sexuality. If you take a woman for granted or stop romancing her it kills her sexual interest in you.

Wmale · 24/03/2024 11:40

ReddishPink · 24/03/2024 08:35

The minimum we ever got to was about once a week. Everyone is very different, is she working outside the house? Looking after a 4 & 2 year old is exhausting. Are you pulling your weight and making sure she has time away from the family for exercise/seeing friends/hobbies? If women just feel like that are in "mum mode" 24/7 it can kill their libido. Most women, if their emotional/bonding needs are met will be more easily able to be in touch with their sexuality. If you take a woman for granted or stop romancing her it kills her sexual interest in you.

Ye she works 3 days a week and mete her friends for a coffee every weekend but she'd constantly tired. Thought manages to be up till 10 watching netflix so don't know if it's just a excuse!

Firsttmum · 24/03/2024 21:46

Really depends on what’s going on at the time. If we’re particularly busy about once every fortnight. Sometimes 3 times a week but I make effort to check in with the OH to ensure he knows why I might not be feeling it.

PermanentTemporary · 25/03/2024 21:53

It was once every 2-3 weeks when ds was little. I was on the minipill which killed my libido stone dead, and sex felt like it was something else I had to worry about- a bit like looking after a child, having to think, are they happy, are they fed, are they warm, are they doing something they enjoy? But on top of that you have to think, do I look sexy, am I doing enough, should I do something else, different position? I almost never had partners who said anything during sex so I had no idea if they were actually enjoying it or not. It felt like I had to generate, plan and execute the whole encounter myself without any information, plus on top of that I knew that he wanted it a lot more than he was getting it, so I only ever felt a mild reduction in guilt even when we did do it. I didn't really enjoy it that much because i just don't if there is a child in the house, I'm distracted. Twas a fucking nightmare to tell the truth.

Very different now.

Wmale · 26/03/2024 06:46

PermanentTemporary · 25/03/2024 21:53

It was once every 2-3 weeks when ds was little. I was on the minipill which killed my libido stone dead, and sex felt like it was something else I had to worry about- a bit like looking after a child, having to think, are they happy, are they fed, are they warm, are they doing something they enjoy? But on top of that you have to think, do I look sexy, am I doing enough, should I do something else, different position? I almost never had partners who said anything during sex so I had no idea if they were actually enjoying it or not. It felt like I had to generate, plan and execute the whole encounter myself without any information, plus on top of that I knew that he wanted it a lot more than he was getting it, so I only ever felt a mild reduction in guilt even when we did do it. I didn't really enjoy it that much because i just don't if there is a child in the house, I'm distracted. Twas a fucking nightmare to tell the truth.

Very different now.

What age was your ds when it started to get better? I don't think my partner feel guilty about it at all!

PermanentTemporary · 26/03/2024 07:01

I still find it pretty difficult to have sex with my son in the house, and he's 20.

A big step forward was being able to stop hormonal contraception because my dhhad a vasectomy.

TruthorDie · 02/04/2024 21:43

Once or twice a week, we would like more but it’s a time / energy issue. But to be fair we have 11 month old twins and both work full time so are busier than most. For me constantly tending to others also drains me, sometimes l just want to zone out and just do me -whether it’s reading, gym class, watching TV etc

Swinglower · 21/04/2024 20:51

3-4 times a week but sometimes can go nearly a month depending on kids illnesses. It’s definitely short and sharp now a lot less imaginative just trying to get it done without being disturbed

Chatonette · 22/04/2024 12:17

When our kids were little…once every 3-4 months.

Thegreatgiginthesky · 22/04/2024 12:33

Just gone from once a month to once a day! This is thinks to testosterone supplements which have been miraculous, I had zero sex drive before I started them and wish I could have got hold of them sooner. I think many women's testosterone is too low and is damaged by the use of the pill which increases sex hormone binding globulin even after you stop taking it which reduces the availability of testosterone.