Reoccurring BV from sex everyday

[xxxJess123xxx]

Hi all, husband and I have been together a long time, 19 years this year. Together since we were 16 years old.
Recently we have been through a very rough patch with me having a massive drop in my sex drive (maybe perimenopause, getting some bloods done etc very soon) and not spending time together. We would get the kiddos in bed and then he would be in the front room and me the bedroom for the night.

I found out recently that he has been coming home from work, going into the toilet and masterbating to porn nearly every day. He said he needed to as I wasn't fancying sex so didn't want to pester me. This tbh, has grossed me out and shocked me. Me and the kids were in the front room and he is in the toilet, just one room away, wanking.
I said something needs to change and suggested we spend more time together, he helps in the house more (does nothing) and I would give him more sex.
So, finally to the point, we are now having sex almost daily. I am on the copper coil so he finishes inside. I constantly keep getting what I am almost certain is BV (bacterial vaginosis) from his cum I presume. We used to have sex maybe 1 or 2 times a week.

I have a quick shower after sex and wee. I only use water down below, no soap. I have used the BV gels/pessories but it just comes back.

For anyone that has sex daily, how do you keep fresh/keep any infections like BV away?

Thanks for reading

If you have BV you need antibiotics. The gels balance your PH levels but that still doesn’t always kill all of the bacteria which causes the infection. You can get these prescribed by your GP or a sexual health clinic.

Is he washing properly?

yes he's perfectly clean x

I would go and get properly tested.

Do you actually want to have all the sex you're having or do you feel you owe him?

I once had BV from having regular sex. Just get tested at the sexual health clinic and get the right medication.
It's odd that you are grossed out by him masturbating in the privacy of the toilet. Surely he is allowed to have some pleasure in private?

Fiery, this was practically everyday after work while I was in the next room with the kids. Sorry but yes, that’s gross

Was/Is the toilet door locked?

Are you okay to have sex with him with the door locked and the kids in the adjacent room?

What do you want your husband to do?

Why were you freaked out by him having a wank? No different to you having sex in your bedroom with kids next to you in their rooms. Bloke needed a release and didn’t hassle you for it.

He can hear me and the kids in the other room and he is able to wank and come, sorry but that’s gross.
I wouldn’t have sex with the kids awake in the next room. If they were asleep , then yes. But at 4 in the afternoon, no!

Can you hear him when he wanks?

Next you will expect him not to fart when he is taking a dump, when you and kids are in the adjacent room.

You are starting to get negative about him and this is just the begining.

And reading your first post, I can see where this will end.

I would be honestly surprised if any woman would be ok with their husband stepping through the door, straight into the toilet to wank for half an hour with porn when she is snowed under with childcare and jobs. Every day. Come off it
and how someone can come with their children outside the door is beyond me

I think of the many problems your relationship clearly has, his choice to have a solitary wank in a room with a lock which everyone knows is private when somebody else is in there is the least of them tbh.

You aren’t going to solve the relationship and sexual incompatibility problems you have with daily sex when it doesn’t sound as though you especially want to be having daily sex and neither of you appear to communicating very well or on the same team. You’ve been together since you were children and presumably have little or no experience of anything other than each other: it’s not unusual to outgrow such a limited relationship - have you ever properly both put your cards in the table and talked about whether there’s a future for your relationship and what needs to change if there is to be one?

We have been with other people. We both love each other a lot hence the discussion about both of our happiness.
i want to make him happy, and I would rather he has sex with me than into a toilet bowl
im his wife
we have been together since we were 16 and now 35. I couldn’t live without him hence making sure both of us are happy

Being positive here, honestly, if you two want to continue your shared life, please get some professional relationship counselling.
I wish you well.

Sorry you're being so gaslighted by the posters in here OP.

Post elsewhere on Mumsnet for advice. Things the seedy corner and attracts those sort of posters

Of COURSE it's not normal to come in from work and immediately have a wank in the toilet: what is he, some sort of dog on heat? Don't let people in this particular topic try and convince you otherwise

Thank you, what section do you recommend please xx

@xxxJess123xxx go for 'relationships' as it'll be so much more measured and you'll get a much truer idea of what 'normal' people think

Would you be grossed out by the thought of him having a crap just one room away from you and the children?

thank you Tabitha xx

You are doing the right thing, don't listen to the bitter ones on here: keep him worn out for a while. And if you haven't already: Warm bath with apple cider vinegar.

I agree with this. A few men from here also seem to be very active on the relationships board for anything involving sex, where they’ll try to gaslight you, amongst other things, but they’re easily spotted amongst the sensible advice from mainly women.

I would see your GP/nurse/sexual health clinic to check that it is definitely BV. If it is, they’ll probably prescribe antibiotic tablets, maybe a gel. Using condoms can help.

You shouldn’t have to have sex daily just to stop him wanking at an inappropriate time though. He needs to control himself and should be paying attention to the kids when he comes home, not wanking to porn in the room next door ffs. Gross. Don’t let anyone tell you that’s ok, and no, it’s not like using the toilet as a pp suggested. Not comparable at all.

This board can be very problematic with some of the posters it attracts. A woman posted about having recurrent thrush a while ago and got perverted responses and PMs. The relationships board (or women’s health if you just want advice on BV), will be better.

I think change your post to the concern about BV and post in health

Him cumming inside you should not be causing that..maybe the sudden increase in sex might be more the issue.

It would be okay if he has a poo late at night once the kids are in bed but no one comes straight in the front door and does that while the kids are next door.

Come on guys, you can't honestly say you'd all have no issue with your husbands coming home from work every day and going straight into the bathroom to wank to porn. Surely not?!?! Honestly this place

Try condoms - it worked for us.
Having said that, I know that condoms can cause BV for some women - but maybe worth a try?
Much cleaner and no sperm to upset the vaginal pH balance.

I also suggest that you ignore the judgmental comments on this post. We are all humans with emotions and needs.