Just a kink or not okay?

[3littlepearls]

My husband takes my dirty knickers from the laundry basket and uses them for sexual purposes. I've told him I find it yuk and asked him not to but he says he loves it and does it anyway. I feel a bit violated! Am I being hyper sensitive here? How would you feel?

Second 1... He woke me up the other night having a wank. It was literally banging against my arse cheeks🙃. He said he wasn't expecting me to wake up. I asked how often he does that. I asked where does he cum when he does that. He told me I'm a heavy sleeper and sometimes he cums on me. Either on my PJs or naked ass. Again. I'm feeling creeped out by this. We have regular, kink friendly sex. I think we have a good sex life! But on a scale of 1-10 how big an issue is this?!

Thoughts please?! Has anyone else dealt with this? What's your immediate gut reaction here...

The pants thing, as long as he doesn't finish in them, wouldn't bother me.
Wanking next to me whilst I sleep would piss me off. Finishing ON me would make me want to headbutt him

No fucking way. Wanking on you like you’re an inanimate object? No consent as you’re asleep? Rapey AF. I would feel seriously violated OP.

Taking your knickers without your permission, letting him bash his dick against you without your permission and cumming on you without your permission is fucking gross.

He is a pig. Raise your standards because he will never.

Both are fucking gross 🤮 He’s treating you like an inanimate sex doll purely there for his own gratification

The fact you’ve told him to stop and he carries on is a massive red flag - consent is being ignored

WTF?

He seems to like having sex "with" you without your consent or awareness. That's not really a kink, it's just really creepy.

Does he just leave it on you? Don't you wake up sticky, or when he's wiping it off?

Honestly, this is repellent. It's a red-flag parade.

Grim. On both counts.

So what you want doesn't matter?

His orgasms are more important than your consent?

No, this isn't good. At all.

If you're not consenting (because you're asleep), it's sexual assault. That's it.

Both a bit manky IMO but I think the biggest thing is that he persists despite your lack of consent to both.

This is exactly how I feel about each situation!

Fucking vile and gut churning. I'd have packed my bags already.

Imo wanking is a private pass time unless incorporated into a joint sexual venture!.

Really??

Wouldn't be for me, but then your other kinks wouldn't be either - whatever 'kink friendly sex' means?
Kinks are probably seen as exciting because a bit naughty, unfortunately, he sees wanking on you without your permission as naughty and probably gets a thrill from that more than necessarily being denigrating. He's doing it because he already knows he shouldn't. He's right, some might see it as abusive, especially as now you know. In fact, that he's told you what he's up to, is just as sinister unless he aims to stop, otherwise he's likely to cause you sleepless nights which is turning it into a power play. In fact, if he carries on now you know, I'd say its all becoming about him exerting power and getting a thrill from trampling your boundaries- dangerous terratory.

He is literally committing a criminal offence:

Causing a person to engage in sexual activity without consent(1)A person (A) commits an offence if—

(a)he intentionally causes another person (B) to engage in an activity,

(b)the activity is sexual,

(c)B does not consent to engaging in the activity, and

(d)A does not reasonably believe that B consents.

My gut reaction - He’s a pig.

Taking your dirty knickers out the laundry basket and wanking aren’t the biggest crimes in the world but could I respect him and still find him attractive once I found out about this? Nope.

He's wanking on you while you sleep. That's just wrong. The knickers thing is gross. But it isn't on the same level. Still gross.

Mostly though, you should listen to the fact that he doesn't care about your feelings and/or consent. He only cares about getting off.

Seriously? Get Rid.

He's a fucking creep.

I've told him I find it yuk and asked him not to but he says he loves it and does it anyway

This is the biggest red flag - he doesn’t care about your consent as long as he enjoys it.

Everything you've mentioned is pretty grim!
He sounds like your feelings don't matter as long as he gets his rocks off !

This. I am never one to say LTB but I really would leave this one. Really, really not ok

Immediate gut reaction?
Ew.

It is never ok to do something without someone's consent. And not only that you have explicitly told him NOT to do it.
I bet you don't feel safe in your own bed.

Gross but fine if you consent. Gross and absolutely unacceptable if you do not.

He needs to stop, apologise, and recognise that he was wrong, or you need to get rid of him.