Just a kink or not okay?

[3littlepearls]

My husband takes my dirty knickers from the laundry basket and uses them for sexual purposes. I've told him I find it yuk and asked him not to but he says he loves it and does it anyway. I feel a bit violated! Am I being hyper sensitive here? How would you feel?

Second 1... He woke me up the other night having a wank. It was literally banging against my arse cheeks🙃. He said he wasn't expecting me to wake up. I asked how often he does that. I asked where does he cum when he does that. He told me I'm a heavy sleeper and sometimes he cums on me. Either on my PJs or naked ass. Again. I'm feeling creeped out by this. We have regular, kink friendly sex. I think we have a good sex life! But on a scale of 1-10 how big an issue is this?!

Thoughts please?! Has anyone else dealt with this? What's your immediate gut reaction here...

OMG absolutely this. Throw the whole man away, right now.

The wanking on you is sexual assault. You can't consent and he can't think that you have.

This. Rapey AF

Hoping this isn't real!.. a creep is involved either way.

This!

And from my own experience this just gets worse.

The thing is: I'd always wonder what else he was doing to me when he thought I wasn't going to wake up. It would mean I would not trust him ever again. It would be over for me.

It’s not ok and I’m sure you already know this. I often wonder why men act so entitled to a woman’s body and think it’s their given right to do these things. Are they all reading Andrew Tate shite?

I completely agree its sexual assault.

Yeah, no thanks to any of this.

Gross. And I'm sure this has been posted before.

I am wondering what else happens when I'm asleep 😬 His had a couple of nights on the sofa because I've got the ick and need some space 😞

Ironically I read a lot of feminist literature so there's a big part of me that's like, WTF is this even for real, is this REALLY where we're at 😫

The acts themselves aren't the issue here. It's the lack of consent. For him to think it's ok to do either of these things without your explicit permission is a huge red flag.

It's even worse that you clearly said no to him wanking into your knickers and yet he continued to do so. What happens next time you say no? Will he just carry on anyway.

Kink friendly sex is SSC - safe, sane and CONSENSUAL. You must know that.

If he were my partner, he wouldn't be sleeping on the sofa, he'd be out the door.

from a male perspective, the pants thing may not be to your taste, but i would say is harmless as long as you dont mind too much

The wanking next to you again, not such a big deal

But cumming on you defo oversteps line and is a bit odd without permission

@35dadof2kent what do you mean it's harmless if she doesn't mind 'too' much? It's ok if it causes a little bit of discomfort and some feelings of violation? No harm done. A little bit of discomfort for her is worth it if he can get off.

OP has already said she’s not him not to use her pants but he ignores he because he loves it.

From another male perspective - she has asked him not to use her dirty knickers while masturbating as she finds it "yuk" and he still does it. That is grim.

Wanking next to her in bed, while she is asleep is also grim. If he is that much in need of a wank, then surely he can go downstairs or to the bathroom or whatever.

from a male perspective, the pants thing may not be to your taste, but i would say is harmless as long as you dont mind too much

She does mind! She told him she minds. He just doesn't care. How much should women be OK with having their boundaries ignored, you know, for their partners right to get off? Fuck off with that shit.

Apologies i mis-read it, if shes asked him to stop it then absolutely wrong, i thought she had caught him doing it for first time, in which instance maybe a bit weird but not anything to disgusting, if shes said to stop then absolutely wrong

Apologies i mis-read original post, i thought she had caught him doing it for first time, if shes uncomfortable and asked him to stop then absolutely wrong

Yes indeed i mis-read the bit where she said she had asked him to stop, in which case you are right definitely wrong.

Masturbating in bed, if hes doing it over her and cumming on her without consent again very wrong,if hes just having a wank in bed, i dont think thats end of world, ive woke up with my partner using her vibe before when i was asleep and ill, and i didnt find it offensive, but if she was staring at me and squirting on me then theres a big diff

I sometimes use a vibe next to my husband in bed if I'm still horny and he's fell asleep. I'm not going to wake him up and I'm not going to go downstairs. It would be different if I was using him as my source material, but I'm not. It's separate. He says the most annoying thing about it is he can hear the buzz but he doesn't really mind. It's the deceitfulness in this situation that is the problem. He knows you don't like it.

I always wonder how people end up married before actually knowing someone these days 🤷🏻‍♀️

Rude! We've been together 12 years. If someone's hiding something from you they are hiding something from you. I'm married, not psychic 🤷‍♀️

His 100% had a wank next to me and I know/ am okay with what's going on... because I know and I'm not bothered. I'll either leave him to it or it becomes a mutual situation. There are times when I'm tired and I'm like, nope.. take that shit elsewhere! I don't get off with him asleep in the bed. It's either with him or by myself. It was the physical contact with me while I'm sleeping (literally having a wank against my arse!) and the Jizzing ON me. We've been married a long time so there are not many boundaries but bloody hell, this was new territory 😬