Should I tell my ex I had a threesome?

3isnotacrowd · 2024-01-08T18:31:03+00:00

I had my first threesome last week. It was an FFM and it was fun and a turn on. But all the way through and afterwards I kept thinking the guy should have been my ex, or he should have at least been watching. We had a very sexual relationship and it was his fantasy to watch me with another woman or man. The problem is we had quite a bad breakup. I still miss him and although we have spoken quite recently, it was about very generic things, nothing personal at all. Part of me knows telling him this would be a really bad idea but the other part of me knows how much it would turn him on to know. Who else but the wise men and women who follow the sex topic on mumsnet to tell me whether I would be an idiot to do this or not.

MySXforumnn · 08/01/2024 18:35

Unless you want to get back with him, have another threesome but with him, or just want to make him jealous for whatever reason, I dont see why you would want or need to tell him.

PaintingPictures · 08/01/2024 18:38

He’s your ex, so no.

Original poster

3isnotacrowd · 08/01/2024 18:45

MySXforumnn · 08/01/2024 18:35

Unless you want to get back with him, have another threesome but with him, or just want to make him jealous for whatever reason, I dont see why you would want or need to tell him.

Getting back together would not be on the cards however much I miss him.

He has a humiliation kink and this is the something that I know would turn him on so much.

But I don't want to make him jealous - and that would be a more likely outcome.

Thanks. I think i just needed a kick up the backside and to be told it is a stupid idea!

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itsmyp4rty · 08/01/2024 18:48

Why would you want to turn your ex on if you don't want to get back with him?

Original poster

3isnotacrowd · 08/01/2024 18:58

itsmyp4rty · 08/01/2024 18:48

Why would you want to turn your ex on if you don't want to get back with him?

Good question. I'm sat here thinking why. And I think it's because of how sexual our relationship was. He introduced me to kink, to experimenting, to the possibility of adding other people into the mix.

Ultimately it didn't work out between us but he let Pandora out of the box so to speak and I suppose that's why I have it in my head that he'd get a kick out of hearing what happened.

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Confused118 · 08/01/2024 21:28

Would you be willing to do 'something' with him like a threesome?

Original poster

3isnotacrowd · 08/01/2024 21:41

Confused118 · 08/01/2024 21:28

Would you be willing to do 'something' with him like a threesome?

I would but thats not likely anymore.

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Confused118 · 08/01/2024 21:45

3isnotacrowd · 08/01/2024 21:41

I would but thats not likely anymore.

Show quote history

I feel that unless you're willing to let him physically be part of the next one then it would be a tease, however you are willing to so why not tell him?

You may get a surprising response that you like?

Original poster

3isnotacrowd · 08/01/2024 21:52

Confused118 · 08/01/2024 21:45

I feel that unless you're willing to let him physically be part of the next one then it would be a tease, however you are willing to so why not tell him?

You may get a surprising response that you like?

Show quote history

Are you my ex boyfriend by any chance! 😂

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Confused118 · 08/01/2024 21:57

lol no, I wish I had done more of that when I was younger - how did yours come about?

Original poster

3isnotacrowd · 08/01/2024 22:50

Confused118 · 08/01/2024 21:57

lol no, I wish I had done more of that when I was younger - how did yours come about?

The ex introduced me to the idea of sex clubs and I recently found killing kittens and its app We are X. So I joined up and am loving it there.

Have met some amazing, open, non judgmental people and am having the time of my life. I'm well into middle age and there are people of all ages on there so it's never too late.

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Confused118 · 08/01/2024 22:59

thanks for the reply - it tempts me!!

MyCatWoofs · 08/01/2024 23:05

Hard to believe this is real as it doesn’t make sense to feel the need to tell an ex. I’m sure he’s moved on, you should try to do that too. You obviously haven’t if you’re thinking of reporting back to him. Sad.

Original poster

3isnotacrowd · 08/01/2024 23:35

MyCatWoofs · 08/01/2024 23:05

Hard to believe this is real as it doesn’t make sense to feel the need to tell an ex. I’m sure he’s moved on, you should try to do that too. You obviously haven’t if you’re thinking of reporting back to him. Sad.

Why wouldn't it be real?

Unfortunately neither of us have completely moved on. I know we should and I didn't tell him as I saw sense after posting here.

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Original poster

3isnotacrowd · 08/01/2024 23:38

Confused118 · 08/01/2024 22:59

thanks for the reply - it tempts me!!

Try it then. You never know what might happen. I didnt.

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MyCatWoofs · 09/01/2024 00:14

Why wouldn't it be real?

Lots if reasons.

Rieslinger · 09/01/2024 10:36

@3isnotacrowd Well that is a conundrum isn't it!!

Humilation....well telling him might tick that box of his....you being rather thoughtful and thinking of him like this...could that mean you still have feelings or is it that you are being just that thoughtful?

Only you can answer that one and tbh it might be that because of your recentish awakening and the broader perspective on your sexuality may mean that you are just aware of your knowing of his likes and it's really nothing long term.

What should you do? Well that's your call but perhaps sit with it for a while and spend some time exploring all the possibles internally and see what falls out the other end?

Good luck and report back!

Original poster

3isnotacrowd · 09/01/2024 13:19

Rieslinger · 09/01/2024 10:36

@3isnotacrowd Well that is a conundrum isn't it!!

Humilation....well telling him might tick that box of his....you being rather thoughtful and thinking of him like this...could that mean you still have feelings or is it that you are being just that thoughtful?

Only you can answer that one and tbh it might be that because of your recentish awakening and the broader perspective on your sexuality may mean that you are just aware of your knowing of his likes and it's really nothing long term.

What should you do? Well that's your call but perhaps sit with it for a while and spend some time exploring all the possibles internally and see what falls out the other end?

Good luck and report back!

Thanks @Rieslinger that is the sort of thoughtful answer I was hoping for rather than people just doubting this is a real situation.

I definitely still have feelings for him. We had a deep connection that is hard to just let go of. But we made the right decision to end it as it wasn't doing either of us any good.

And yes, I am have a much broader view on sexuality now and am far more aware of my own and, in turn, others.

But I have a history of making spectacular mistakes with him, so if I told him it could go one of two ways. Either it turns him on and we talk more about it leading to god knows what. Or it traumatises him, and makes him hate me.

Definitely going to sit on it for a while and not make a rash decisions.

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PinotPony · 09/01/2024 14:10

It's very rarely a good idea to go backwards in relationships. I'm sure you had great chemistry with this guy and it'll take time to get over him. But that isn't enough reason to dangle your newly found kinkiness under his nose in the hope he'll be impressed and want you again.

The reality is he'd probably get turned on, start fucking you again and then you'd split up for all the same reasons.

If you're on WAX (welcome btw 👋🏻), you'll find plenty of guys with a humiliation kink who want to hear about your threesome.

Confused118 · 09/01/2024 15:08

With FFM what does it 'mean' as opposed MFF?

And which F were you?

shoulditellmyexNC · 09/01/2024 15:35

I can see why you would want to do it @3isnotacrowd . You have said that your ex introduced you to kink. Maybe you just want to show him how far you have come?
I had a similar experience with an ex. He tried to set me on a certain path and I resisted because I didn't think it was what I wanted. A few men down the line I have discovered that it is what I wanted after all. Not the man, but the THING.
I shared a video with the ex showing him my new found skills, and got the required effect. I felt amazing for about 5 minutes and then felt filthy and not in a good way.

If you can resist OP, then please resist sharing your news with him

PinotPony · 09/01/2024 15:35

Confused118 · 09/01/2024 15:08

With FFM what does it 'mean' as opposed MFF?

And which F were you?

Same thing. Just depends if you're left handed or right handed!

Original poster

3isnotacrowd · 09/01/2024 16:25

Confused118 · 09/01/2024 15:08

With FFM what does it 'mean' as opposed MFF?

And which F were you?

Haha I put FFM because a woman always needs to come first. 😂

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Confused118 · 09/01/2024 16:37

aha thankyou, but then do you do 'things' with the other M and F, or just the F in the middle?

Original poster

3isnotacrowd · 09/01/2024 16:39

PinotPony · 09/01/2024 14:10

It's very rarely a good idea to go backwards in relationships. I'm sure you had great chemistry with this guy and it'll take time to get over him. But that isn't enough reason to dangle your newly found kinkiness under his nose in the hope he'll be impressed and want you again.

The reality is he'd probably get turned on, start fucking you again and then you'd split up for all the same reasons.

If you're on WAX (welcome btw 👋🏻), you'll find plenty of guys with a humiliation kink who want to hear about your threesome.

It's not about hoping he'll be impressed.

I've been thinking about it and it's because I wish we were doing it together. And its not the same doing it without him. It was one of his biggest fantasies - that I'd go out and fuck another woman/man/both and go back and tell him every detail.

But you are right - it's not a good idea to go backwards. And I have no interest in getting involved with another guy with a humiliation kink. Just can't get this one out of my head!

I just messaged you on WAX btw. I'm in the mn chat group as well.

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