Lack of sex getting me down

[Coalforchristmaspleaseitscold]

LTR with a baby, we’re always tired, DP works long hours so we get very little chance to DTD. We go to bed at different times as I’m up with baby, weekends are rushed with shopping and visiting family. We literally never stop.
We haven’t had sex in so long I’m sure my vagina has resealed itself by now.
Im always initiating and trying to plan ahead when we do it but something changes or he’ll go to bed early and it never happens. When we did attempt it baby woke up so we didn’t get a chance.
I know this is normal with a baby but it’s become an excuse now. Baby sleeps all night and naps in the day, we do get chances but DP isn’t interested and would rather play on the ps5 or sleep.
I feel like it’s affecting our relationship because without sex it’s not really a relationship, there’s no intimacy and I’m beginning to feel resentful. He can take or leave it where I’d happily do it daily. I’ve now let insecurities in my head that he’s porn obsessed or cheating because why else would a man turn down the opportunity of sex.
We’ve spoken about it and he promised to make the effort but that was 2 weeks ago. I don’t want to wait months in between each session and expected to be grateful for it. I’m sick of using toys when I have a partner who should be part of the act.
Did anyone else go through this and how did you get your sex life back, if ever?

why else would a man turn down the opportunity of sex.

there could be 100 reasons he doesn’t want sex, maybe he is tired or lazy or just plain has a lower sex drive than you

Yes unfortunately, like coughs and colds there’s a lot about (like this)

There is a current thread called I really CBA with sex , or something similar , take a read of that, your partner probably can’t be arsed either, look at some of the comments

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/sex/4965153-i-really-cba-with-sex

"I’ve now let insecurities in my head that he’s porn obsessed or cheating because why else would a man turn down the opportunity of sex."

There can be a gazillion reasons why a man would turn down the opportunity of sex.

Thinking or expecting that all men should always be up for it is not very different from expecting that all women should want to get married, have babies and be a housewife - it is sexual stereotyping that does not belong in this century.

There is an episode in the Netflix "sex education" series where a divorced man gets assaulted by a woman who wants to have sex with him while he clearly doesn't, and he is mostly unable to complete the deed. It is sexual assault. Yet it is presented as a comedy sketch we are supposed to laugh about, because of course all men always want sex, so a man resisting and then being unable to complete the deed should make us laugh, right? And this is in a 'woke' series that covers pretty much any possible sexual orientation conceivable.

Just imagine if it had been a man assaulting a divorced woman still thinking about her ex...

@Coalforchristmaspleaseitscold I'm so sorry you're experiencing this, it sucks!

From my personal perspective the transition from couple to family can be quite different from one partner to the other. My opinion is that whilst there are many aspects to the pregnancy that you share together as the baby bearer the woman is so more intimately connected to the changes (and from a much earlier point) and it can take quite some time for the other partner to catch up to the change in home dynamic.

Do I have any advice? I'm not sure if this will help but talking in an environment where perhaps it's just the two of you where you can both relax might provide the opportunity and space to enable some reconnection, room to share each of your perspectives and find a way forward.

Having it going round your head all the time can be really hard and sorry you are going through this. It could be any number of things from his POV which may include dynamic change, work pressures, tiredness and perhaps a bit of laziness (don't jump on me).

Regardless unless you can find a way to communicate both your sides and find a shared path forward it'll be hard for a while and you might have to keep your vibrator charged up and ready.

Personally if you can afford it get your family or in-laws to look after your little one. change the environment and go away for a night (or perhaps two). Go with no expectations except connection, having some fun and talking.

Good luck and report back!!