I really CBA with sex

[picklethecumber]

I'm 42, female, married. We've been together for 17 years with 2 kids. I'm
Very. Comfortable around him and he's great but my goodness I can't be arsed with sex. I find it so annoying and it irritates me when DH starts to initiate it. I literally would be happy to ever have sex again.

What is going on?

OMG are we twins ! I'm
42, together 22 years, 2 kids, full time jobs , house to run, dog , etc etc and I love my husband dearly, never thought about even not being together, fancy him, have fun with him, only want him. BUT I cannot be a$$ed at all with bedroom stuff, I'm just too tired from the day !

I’m 26. No kids. Together 8 years. Also feel like this.

No kids? 26? That’s quite sad. Maybe you should think about your options. You’re way too young to feel like this.

Honestly I'm so glad that someone else feels the same. I just would rather get the ironing done or watch tv. I wish I didn't feel like this but I don't know how to change it

@picklethecumber it could be the start of perimenopause. Do you have any other symptoms?
It sounds like you don't want to feel like this & you want to change things. The Sex Doctor- Dr Karen Gurney has a website/Insta page that you might find useful. She's also written 2 books & often talks about sexual currency, which is where we keep intimacy going in a relationship by making sure that we stay connected to each other via small gestures through the day.

She's also done a good podcast where she explains how normal this can be. I will try to find it for you.

@picklethecumber

https://www.dontbuyherflowers.com/podcast/the-dont-buy-her-flowers-podcast-ep-020/

@Badgalkiki You are 26, have you considered a relationship or close friendship with a woman?
If you have considered that and rejected it I would be pleased to hear your thoughts.
Similar ideas go through my mind from time to time.

Same here!!! I was wondering the same....what's going on! Been together 25+ years, 4 kids. We do go on date nights etc but I just cbfa. Guess I got to keep him happy though, if I don't provide it he will get it else where. Then what!! 😳

It's about making an effort just as in other aspects of your life. You get out what you put in. It's pretty demoralising too for the other partner if they are always the initiator and never feel lusted after. Frequent rejection just builds resentment.
Make time and make an effort otherwise the relationship will gradually spiral downwards unless your OH feels the same.

30, no kids, me too. I see this topic a lot on here. It seems like a really common thing for women.

I love my husband but I just can’t at the moment. I don’t want to have sex. If I think about it too much, the thought of sex (not specially with him, just in general) absolutely turns my stomach.

Exactly. Use it or lose it. And maybe much else.

Not getting at you. Since you seem to think about this a fair bit, any idea why this is?

35, three kids, together 12 years. 100% cba

It's complacency. People in relationships can stop bothering. As you put it they cba.

All I would say is intimacy is an important part of a good relationship and if one person, man or woman, feels rejected that is when problems arise. If both people cba fine but I guarantee if either one of them started getting attention from a third party they then would rediscover their sex drive.

So, barring illness and abuse I would try to reconnect. Forget the ironing and the telly and both of you need to make an effort.

Unless you're happy with him wanking on the settee whilst 'watching football' which I would bet a tenner is his current sex life. Good luck.

My best friends husband has recently left after 23 years of marriage. He couldn't stand the constant rejection. She is devastated and wishes she made more of an effort.

Sex is a very important part of a relationship. If one person still wants it, and one doesn't, It's virtually impossible for a relationship to survive.

Curious, how many of you who CBA would be bothered if your partner had an affair ? Was discreet and didn't rub your nose in it, but looked elsewhere for physical and, let's face it, probably emotional intimacy. Would you view that as a betrayal?

Also, do you want to be arsed about it but don't feel the physical desire for your partner, but if someone else flirted with you would that light your fire ?

Asking because I sometimes wonder if the reality is that most people are just not suited for long term monogamy. Has always been the case, and probably always will be, just that in the current era sex and how often and "how well" other people are doing it is constantly thrust in our faces. Maybe a bad choice of words there !

'Asking because I sometimes wonder if the reality is that most people are just not suited for long term monogamy.'

I think its a combination of crap sex, if you aren't having lots of orgasms there's little incentive plus many people really do believe if they don't want it their dp is happy to go along with it. Until the mysterious texts start appearing, or they start working away or 'going away on training', then men and women suddenly realise that living as housemates is not for everyone.

Just invest in intimacy and forget the ironing is my top tip.

"Just invest in intimacy and forget the ironing is my top tip"

Indeed :)

I am verging on being repulsed by the idea.

Sex is the very last thing on my mind. I am single but have a male friend who I've known for 10 years and he would happily jump into bed with me however I couldn't think of anything less I want to do! Ironing, cleaning, washing up and the TV is a preference!!!!!

There are lots of things people find pleasurable and we’re not all into all of them. I don’t want to skydive or eat Michelin star restaurants but some people thrive on it. Similarly not everyone feels that urge to sex.

I don’t think you can fairly compare sex to sky diving seeing as one is a completely natural biological drive and the other one is just a bit nuts 😂.

You can’t compare sex to any hobby because no hobby is biologically driven in the same way.

That’s only true if you’re reproducing and most people aren’t having sex to do that all the time. Sex without reproduction is a hobby or at best chasing a thrill like skydiving or whatever

well I suppose having sex or sky-diving in neither case do you want a hole in your protection.
But skydiving is I think essentially a solo pursuit.
Speaking personally I prefer sex I think, though have never sky-dived
I can see a new thread here.
Or at least a new set of Swiss Tony lines.

I was exactly like this with dp over 20 years with 2 dc wouldn't have cared if I'd have never had sex again. Until another man came into my life and wow my sexual desire was reawakened. I didn't go out intentionally looking for another man it just developed from a friendship. made me realise I'd just grown bored with long term dp.

I'm the same, it's just another bloody chore isnt it.