Bad luck or something more

Triing · 2023-12-10T18:41:07+00:00

I got divorced 4 years ago, and prior to that always had a normal sex life. Only in the last year have I done OLD amd 2 one night stands and one FWB adjacent situation have resulted. I'm 50 but look a few years younger despite silvering hair. The 3 men I've been with have all had, shall we say "performance issues" IYKWIM despite being 3, 15 & 27(!) years younger than me respectively. I would have expected men this young to easily achieve erection and in all honesty ita making me paranoid about my body. Am I just being over dramatic?

DGConsultant · 10/12/2023 18:51

Likely a combination of factors. They'd not be sleeping with you though if they found you instinctively repulsive however.

Original poster

Triing · 10/12/2023 19:11

Yes I was thinking along those lines too. My history of body issues and a largely sexless marriage are working against me.

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acpk55 · 10/12/2023 19:57

Does sound like some bad luck, I would certainly expect the younger men not to have performance issues

DGConsultant · 10/12/2023 20:10

Only tangible solution is to continue to seek out somewhat younger guys and hope they can perform, as It were. In actuality, a pleasant challenge...

Original poster

Triing · 10/12/2023 21:04

All sounds like good advice, thanks. 2 of them were really good about it, the youngest one said after he didn't fancy me enough and my arse was too big. Stupid to say at my stage in life but that really stung.

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DGConsultant · 10/12/2023 21:11

Why wouldn't It sting. Natural reaction. Plenty of blokes out there, 5/10 years younger than you that will be delighted I'm sure. Just keep searching.

DixonD · 10/12/2023 21:27

Triing · 10/12/2023 21:04

All sounds like good advice, thanks. 2 of them were really good about it, the youngest one said after he didn't fancy me enough and my arse was too big. Stupid to say at my stage in life but that really stung.

I expect he was really embarrassed about his lack of performance and was trying to deflect on to you due to his immaturity. Please don’t take it personally.

You will have better luck if you keep looking.

Original poster

Triing · 10/12/2023 21:47

Thanks Dixon you're probably right. I only just stopped myself firing off what would have been an even more immature response about his receding hairline and below average sized you know what, but fortunately managed not to. He didn't seem too shocked when his chipolata stayed flaccid so I'm guessing he's another Internet porn/unrealistic expectations of women's bodies victim

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Original poster

Triing · 10/12/2023 23:18

Just found out a work colleague is the mother of one of the 3...

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RoadTripBlip · 10/12/2023 23:53

They might be like this with anyone or it could be your body is not attractive to them. You’ll never know. Just move on, for whatever reason, they’re not for you. I’ve never found men in their 40s or younger to have this issue.

50 year olds sleeping with 23 year olds is very creepy imo, shared by many others. I remember vile lads when I was that age doing it for jokes so be careful as it still goes on.

SittingAtThatHouse · 11/12/2023 01:23

All 3, even the 23 year old? I’d say it’s something about you. Sleeping with 23 year olds when you’re 50 is creepy as the pp said.

GigiAnnna · 11/12/2023 07:56

I think most men have some kind of performance issue from time to time but I think if it's from 3 different men on the only occasion you've slept with them then it might have something to do with you. I assume though that they had a general idea of what you would look like naked based on what you look like clothed. Had they been drinking before the sex? Alcohol can play a part in a man not getting fully hard.

Thorninhisside · 11/12/2023 09:21

Any man who agrees to have sex with a woman then criticises her body for his inability to perform is quite pathetic.
As has been said, it's obvious what size and shape a woman is. That size and shape won't suddenly change once naked.
Don't allow his comments to have any power over you.

I can't answer your original question as to whether you are being overly dramatic about feeling paranoid about your body.
Only you know the exact circumstances and interactions you had with these men before agreeing to have sex with them.
Their failure to get erect might be due to totally different reasons, not related to you at all. Who knows?

I think you should just mark these down to experience and keep up the online dating.
Sexless marriages can really sap confidence but I'm sure that if you continue to date you'll find someone eventually who won't have these performance issues and your body confidence will return.

Offwiththecircus · 11/12/2023 10:16

Triing · 10/12/2023 21:04

All sounds like good advice, thanks. 2 of them were really good about it, the youngest one said after he didn't fancy me enough and my arse was too big. Stupid to say at my stage in life but that really stung.

well the youngest one sounds like a right twat, probably being over-defensive, and a twat. Glad the other two were decent about it, trust you were with them. All the best in your search - the pill might be an idea for some.

Offwiththecircus · 11/12/2023 10:20

SittingAtThatHouse · 11/12/2023 01:23

All 3, even the 23 year old? I’d say it’s something about you. Sleeping with 23 year olds when you’re 50 is creepy as the pp said.

why is it creepy? As long as the OP isn't making something of an exhibition of herself throwing herself at unsuspecting innocent 23 year olds I see nothing wrong with it at all. Everyone comfortably an adult.

VanityDiesHard · 11/12/2023 11:36

Why are you sleeping with a 23 year old if you're fifty?! It's gross when DiCreepio does it and it is equally gross for a woman. He shouldn't have body shamed you but you shouldn't be sleeping with someone of that age.

SortingCat · 11/12/2023 13:29

If 3 different men couldn’t perform, I’d be thinking it was me so yes maybe it’s you. At 23 and 35, that’s very uncommon from what I know myself and through friends.

It’s creepy to sleep with 23 year olds when you’re 50, I have to agree with others on that.

SortingCat · 11/12/2023 13:33

It's gross when DiCreepio does it and it is equally gross for a woman.

🤣 @ DiCreepio but agree it’s gross. I’m “only” 40 ish and can’t imagine being interested in someone in their early 20s.

Anotherlurkingmale · 12/12/2023 11:43

I think it is bad luck and nothing to be worried about on your appearance. Performance issues can be an issue first time round with a new partner for some of us men and they were probably even more mortified about it than you were. One night stands can be v unpredictable on how satisfying they are, they can often not live up to the expectation - not everyone is sexually compatible, and I'm sure you'll get better luck on future dating endeavours.

Well done at least on getting 'back in the saddle' though as that can be daunting for people coming out of long term relationships and try not to let the underwhelming experiences put you off - it's them not you.

mbonfield · 15/12/2023 09:55

Anotherlurkingmale · 12/12/2023 11:43

I think it is bad luck and nothing to be worried about on your appearance. Performance issues can be an issue first time round with a new partner for some of us men and they were probably even more mortified about it than you were. One night stands can be v unpredictable on how satisfying they are, they can often not live up to the expectation - not everyone is sexually compatible, and I'm sure you'll get better luck on future dating endeavours.

Well done at least on getting 'back in the saddle' though as that can be daunting for people coming out of long term relationships and try not to let the underwhelming experiences put you off - it's them not you.

With any new relationship it takes time to develop sexually and a one night stand can and has been stated are very unpredictable. Good luck OP.

VanityDiesHard · 15/12/2023 11:37

SortingCat · 11/12/2023 13:33

It's gross when DiCreepio does it and it is equally gross for a woman.

🤣 @ DiCreepio but agree it’s gross. I’m “only” 40 ish and can’t imagine being interested in someone in their early 20s.

I am your age and neither can I. I already side eye women my age who drool over Timothee Roland Rat Chalamet, and he's apparently in his late twenties!! I think that the OP is looking for affirmation/reassurance and it is backfiring on her. She should take a break from dating for a while IMO.

DixonD · 15/12/2023 14:30

VanityDiesHard · 15/12/2023 11:37

I am your age and neither can I. I already side eye women my age who drool over Timothee Roland Rat Chalamet, and he's apparently in his late twenties!! I think that the OP is looking for affirmation/reassurance and it is backfiring on her. She should take a break from dating for a while IMO.

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I think from what she says it was only one man in his 20s. I don’t think this is primarily what she’s after (from what I can tell anyway).

SortingCat · 16/12/2023 23:13

why is it creepy? As long as the OP isn't making something of an exhibition of herself throwing herself at unsuspecting innocent 23 year olds I see nothing wrong with it at all. Everyone comfortably an adult.

Because shes 50 and he is 23. If you don’t understand why that’s creepy and genuinely think it is alright, having it explained won’t help. I think anyone that doesn’t see it as a problem, is part of the problem. 🤢

DGConsultant · 16/12/2023 23:25

I'm a fairly open minded bloke, but 23 and 50 is a big, big age gap, that's fair. I'd not want to date a 21/23 year old woman at 36/37, to be honest. Not critiquing the OP, she can do what she wants...

SortingCat · 17/12/2023 01:21

Not critiquing the OP, she can do what she wants...

...but she’ll be told it’s creepy because it is!