ED in post 45 guy

[Agiftandacurse]

I have a new sexual partner. He’s gone soft a couple of times now (always second round). I’ve not experienced this before. Could it be his age? He’s not even 50, fairly fit non smoker. Or nerves? Or me 😬. I’ve not made a big deal of it and hoping it just gets better with time? I’m a bit younger and not really keen on being with someone that needs 🔹

I dare say he wouldn’t be keen on being with someone who lacks compassion. Our bodies change over time, it’s a fact of life. Maybe he’s nervous, maybe it’s his age.

Thanks @Mermaidparades he doesn’t seem nervous type and is definitely keen! I’m really not sure. Maybe it is his age? Maybe he does get nervous? But then only second time

Very unlikely to get better with time. The reload rate is much slower as men age.

It's definitely not about you. Whatever you do, don't make it a you problem.

What is your problem with Viagra? My guy loves taking it, as it gives him a staying power he hasn't had for years.

What is a reasonable reload rate to expect mid/late forties? I guess that’s what it is most likely?

Time I mean sorry

https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/all-about-sex/201901/middle-age-erection-changes-what-couples-need-know

This article suggests several hours between each.

My guy uses the pills to stay hard for longer. Gets himself to the brink of orgasm, then backs off. Then off we go again when we've had a breather.

What an interesting (although depressing) article. It does explain a lot. Thanks for sharing

I'm in my late forties. I play lots of sport and I'm as fit as anyone I know my age. I sometimes have ED issues though Kegels exercises help. The GP has given me a clean bill of health.

There simply is no round 2 for me, and I would be most unimpressed if my DW expected me to stuff my face with pharmaceuticals to fix that. OP's fuckbuddy is doing pretty well.

In my 50's. Fit, healthy. Can go 2nd round with a break of 20 mins or so. It:much easier and quicker with Viagra. Although normally we just do the one round as I can last as long as we want. Interestingly I've recently started using strong beetroot juice (for sport purposes) and I swear it's had other 'beneficial' side effects!!!!

maybe I should recommend beetroot juice 😋

I don’t really want him just to last for ages. I prefer ‘natural conclusions’ (!) with recovery then going again (and again…)

although sounds like this is less likely at his age

>>I’m a bit younger and not really keen on being with someone that needs 🔹

Don't really understand what your problem is with this OP. You are aware I assume that Viagra only works if a male is aroused so any erection produced by the prospect of you would be entirely genuine.

Hmm I don't think she lacks compassion. If you're talking about a long term partner who started having issues, then yes of course you'd work through it. But a new partner who I assume she doesn't love yet, why shouldn't she pick and choose her battles? Why take on a problem before it's even begun?

have just read the thread more closely and realised that we are talking second time/reload. I agree with the poster above who said that the OP's partner is doing pretty well. If I were you OP I'd make sure that one time per session was the best -so he wants to come back for more with you.

This is a new partner, he can’t do what your preference is, you’re younger, you’re hoping it’ll get better....my advice would be I wouldn’t bother waiting around for something that’s unlikely to happen. Don’t compromise for someone so new about something that’s important to you. That would be crazy.

You don’t have to be guilted here by bring told you’re not being compassionate and you shouldn’t have an issue with him taking viagra etc...he is a new partner, not a man you’ve been with for years that you care about deeply and are invested in navigating these things together.

Go and find someone that matches you better to start with!

Sounds like you'd be better off with someone your own age as your expectations of what a typical 45 year old man can do are a bit off the mark.

@Cakencookieobsessed maybe because a man is more than his erection?

I would hope that if I were in a new relationship my partner would view me as something more than just a pussy to fuck.

"Reload rate". 😂 Spat my tea out. Thirty six, 2/3 times is normal for me when I have the opportunity, good diet, exercise, a horny state of mind, sometimes 3/4 times in one cession is possible, but the crucial thing is if your not having It often, then you can manage multiples much more regularly. Your partner won't be in that position. Normal to expect a drop off, surely. It is just biology. No shame in needing a pill, if he requires It.., I'd say. Gaps inbetween cessions usually do the trick. Perfection is rarely possible...

That's a complete lack of compassion. I think your point is actually that you think no compassion is required in that situation.

Not a lack of compassion at all I really like him. Just weighing things up and trying to understand. My previous experience has been like yours @DGConsultant guess things change a lot in 10 years 🥺

@DGConsultant What????? You’re 10 years younger than this bloke, so I’m not sure it’s relevant no matter how much you seem to want to share.

OP. You’re not well matched and it’s early days. I wouldn’t bother.

Yeah, 10 years younger probably, so I've definitely not had the blokes issues or experience, just trying to explain and be decent. Apologies if I overshared, but you don't have to be so overtly nasty! Just not needed.

@DGConsultant The poster wasn’t nasty, I expect just frustrated at the pattern of behaviour in oversharing amongst other stuff here by some, for questionable motives. Your virility as a man who is 10 years younger than OPs partner is immaterial so does come across as oversharing, you must get that.

@Agiftandacurse I don’t think you need to be ‘compassionate’ here. He’s a new partner and you owe him nothing. You say you’re younger, you want a man who can have sex more than once, I say dump this bloke and don’t hold out hope that he’ll suddenly change. He wont. Go and get someone who can give you what you want. Relationships come with complexities and issues down the line, don’t start out with any so early when it’s avoidable and definitely not because people online tell you to #bekind. That’s a way of shouting others down and making them accept things they don’t want. Compassion my arse! New relationship, choose wisely, be picky, don’t settle!

Right, i didn't mean to deliberately overshare, just give the OP solutions and explain why she might be, and the bloke, biologically in the situation they are, without castigating him for something he likely can't help, but I get the OPS frustrations too. Honestly not boasting, The only reason is that I've had problems myself, and the big difference was huge gaps between me sleeping with someone, so thought that was relevant to share. I'm not boasting about my apparent verility, just making the point that large "CESSATIONS" between sex do make a difference really, or at least they have for me.

Honestly not boasting

Men oversharing on mumsnet..I’ll get my post deleted if I share what I think of them. 🤣

BlueEyesGotMeLike

Right? 🤣

It’s pity and repulsion I feel towards those who overshare at any opportunity. 🙄