Morning sex / wake up call

[mnmnddddd]

It's 5am.
The alarm clock won't go off for an hour.
You / your partner is horny and restless.
Your partner / you are asleep.
How do you / your partner wake the other for sex?

I know everyone is different, communication is everything, but I don't have anyone specific to ask at the moment, and I frequently wake early, so I'm just wondering what other people feel is effective / acceptible.

sorry what i meant was "is horny and restless" means this person who is horny and restless is thinking 100% about themselves and not thinking (or its not implied anyway) about the person whose body they want to help them to get off.

I had not put much thought into this before reading this thread. With my ex it is always happens naturally, By that I mean I have wakened up with him snuggled up behind me and obviously aroused while fondling me and I've responded by saying "only cuddles" or something like that or by making it obvious he should carry on. He always accepts my response. Same if I fondle him before he wakes up, though that's not very often and he rarely says "stop".

We used to have days of hands and mouth only but anywhere you want with a few rules. We both knew each others limits. He liked a bit of pain so I could bite him hard. But I did not like that.
That would be a good way to start. Also Two women could play that game.

And he's your ex?

Yes, it's complicated. We're divorced but best friends, he occasionally stays over when he brings our child back from his contact days. I've put my flameproof suit on now.

@millymog11 Can I just check, are you saying that, if I or a partner woke up horny and restless, I or they would be 100% selfish if I or they want to have sex with them or me, even if both of us had agreed that it was OK to wake the other for sex?
Obviously, having spent so many years in a sexless marriage and being currently single, I don’t really have many recent reference points, so it's really useful for people to tell me when when I or a hypothetical partner might overstep the line and become a selfish, over-sexed narcissist.

I’ve said to my husband he is welcome to waken me up with hand/mouth whatever he likes wherever he likes. It’s one of my mild fantasies. He’s instigated sex whilst I was asleep once and I was snoozing so woke quickly and it was lovely. But if I’m asleep he feels a bit like a pp said- like a perv so he is reluctant.

mnmnddddd · Yesterday 23:33

" if both of us had agreed that it was OK to wake the other for sex?"

In answer to your question, the above words from your post hold the answer.
Of course especially in the early days when sex can be the menu 24/7and there can be spontaneous sex at any given opporutnity (assuming that kind of chemistry) of course being woken for sex might be motivated from selfishness (horny and restless) but you can be pretty confident it is mutual.

Absent the above I'd say being woken out of sleep especially a deep sleep can be similar to having diminished ability to consent (eg being drunk etc) so you just have to tread carefully and be totally sure there is consent. If you think it is going to be a passion killer discuss it the night before so you are confident when you wake them up that they would welcome it.

(If you doubt me then a casual glance at some threads away from the Sex forum by posters who have been woken to their partner having sex with them which they did not want will give you all the info you need...)

The night before? Like ask you husband/wife/partner EVERY night. Dont be silly.

We have an understanding that if one of us is horny we start playing with the other to wake them. Obviously at that point they might say they are tired and we stop, but there is no way I am
asking every night.

we wake to sex probably four days out of seven. Sometimes as we are getting up or sometimes in the middle of the night then back to sleep.

@Herbiebanannas - Consent is never silly. From what you have said above “deemed consent” which is an understanding and is there long term, so you have that consent.

lm the majority of cases though it is wrong for anyone to think that consent one days applies to another time.

Most people have a job and many have children, constantly being woken may well not work for them.

I didn’t say consent was silly. I said asking someone every night in case you wake up horny is silly.

Big difference, and like you say most long term relationships will have deemed consent.

I am fully aware of that. Thanks for you patronising post though.

5am is too early
even for the horniest
anyway just ask them ! When they are awake

DH doesn't ever wake me for sex because he knows I don't like it. I do know that he likes to be woken for sex so, rarely, I do. I just put my arm around him and spoon up to his back. If he stirs and wakes, he rolls over, kisses me and wayhey! If he doesn't, or doesn't engage, then I simply go back to sleep

I'd say the best way to know what to do in that sort of situation is to talk to your partner about it, find out if they'd mind being woken up that way?

My sister and her boyfriend, and her previous boyfriends have never minded waking each other up for sex and it was a welcome thing.

However I specifically told my ex never to wake me up for sex, because if I didn't want it while I was awake I certainly don't want it while I'm trying to sleep. He ignored that and did it when I specifically asked him to not touch me sexually if I'm asleep and then he absolutely blew up because I said I felt like he assaulted me because he did it anyway when I said not to.
So definitely talk about it before doing anything and then 100% respect any boundaries that are put in place because it's a horrible experience if you wake up to someone touching you when you don't want them to be touching you.

The only person that can possibly know if that's an okay thing to do is your own partner because it's them you'd be waking up for sex..

Not so much in the mornings - but if I ever get to take a nap in the afternoon, DH knows that just after, he will most likely catch me at a good moment. There’s something about waking from a shirt daytime sleep that just gets me going.

Lucky him. Does he make time for your nap every day?