Good sex but zero attempt at foreplay- would you stay?

[ThePinkQualityStreet]

I’m seeing someone. It’s been a 6 months so have dtd a lot of times.

he’s very good at actually having sex.

but does absolutely zero foreplay. (I give him HJ/BJ) he just does not do hand or oral.
ive never brought it up. And I don’t think I will.

I just wanted to have other peoples opinion on if you would be fine with this.
so good sex but no attempt at all to touch me.

37

Where's he been living, in a box ?

Stop doing the HJ/BJ and see how he responds when you don’t do anything. Tell him it’s because he doesn’t do anything for you before he penetrates .

Do people not discuss sex in the early days? I agree with the other people I'm not sure how you can "be ready". You need to be Frank and tell him what you like. God he'd have to go for me!

Do you orgasm?

Why has he not even asked what you like after 6 months? It sounds like his moves are for him and him alone.

Not the definition of good sex at all, op.

To me it's not good sex if it doesn't include those things. It just screams of a lazy, selfish lover

God this sounds shit. I can't orgasm without clitoral stimulation so ages of him pounding away would be very frustrating. If you like him and want to stay with him then talk to him. If he doesn't want to do it - leave. Maybe he's anxious as he doesn't know what to do?? It must be embarrassing to be in your 30's and not know how to do something sexual.

Don't you enjoy rubbing your own clit whilst he's pounding you? Could you get off that way? He might take your lead if he sees your enjoying it??

I can see how you got here, if the PIV is good then that's great.

But I would just not be able to tolerate this for too long, nor would i consider it good, mainly because I would never orgasm. I would find a man who didn't like touching, licking, talking no good for me. I've learned that a man's hands have got to turn me on or I might as well not bother, plus he has to be able to use them.

I also prefer someone who comes a lot more easily but that's more individual perhaps. Cant stand extended pounding.

Christ your idea of good sex varies wildly from mine!

Do you have at least one orgasm from all the pounding or does it just feel nice?

Nope nope and more nope

Oh dear. You must've had some really shocking bedroom partners if you think this is good at sex.

OP-
If he had only been with 1 partner since 17 - my guess is that - this is the kind of sex they had and he doesn’t realise not all women are like his ex.
Porn is not reality. And him not trying to recreate porn moves isn't a bad thing….

You seem to have some very passive approach to sex. You are grown ups - and sex clearly works different for people.
How you couldn’t mention to him in 6 months that you need things to be a bit different - is beyond me.

Are you insecure? Are you afraid to speak up thinking a man would leave you?

Rather than leaving him because he cant read your mind - use words.
And I’d not call it - ‘you teaching him’ - i’d call it - you showing him how you like it. Sex is a partnership - it needs both people.

Have you ever had a chat about what each of you likes? That is definitely part of my early conversation I have with my dates. I am surprised he has shown little interest in knowing what arouses you. That is definitely selfish and not a considerate sex partner, in my view. Has he told you he likes BJs or did you initiate on your own? Foreplay, cuddling, kissing are all amazing parts of sex, of which PIV is only one aspect. Don't be missing out!

OP, he sounds inexperienced, not necessarily selfish. Don’t write him off without giving him the chance to learn.

Why not invite him to try some of the things you like? When you’re relaxing together. Show him explicitly, not blaming him for his ignorance, showing him how good he makes you feel. More pleasure for both of you.

Best of luck!

Tell him what you like. If he's been with the same woman for 20 years, she was probably happy to put up with him the way he was. If you're not, then just tell him, or lead him into it. I wouldn't like no foreplay because it seems passionless.

This

I wouldn’t be giving him a BJ if he can’t be bothered. When he asks why you’ve stopped tell him you didn’t think he was interested in foreplay giving he never gives you any oral / etc. Completely selfish. Or just be honest and tell him that women need some warming up too

If you can be open with him and tell him/show him what you want then I would say he’s not the person for you. He sounds selfish, even guys who have had little experience know about 4 play? Most have watched some kind of porn or at least talked about sex with their mates?

I recently dated someone similar. Never did oral but was happy for me to give him oral, hardly and 4 play but was good at sex. I’m glad I didn’t continue the relationship.p, the fact I didn’t feel comfortable challenging him about it was enough for me to realise he wasn’t the person for me. You should feel comfortable enough to talk about anything with each other.

Do you orgasm? I'm sorry OP that sounds so crap six months in. I don't see how he can't understand that just pounding away isn't going to work for most women. It's 2023 and it's pretty mainstream knowledge that women need more attention than PIV to come - has he never read a newspaper or maagazine?
I get it is SO awkward to have these conversations but if you don't you're going to be stuck with this. If it's too hard to talk about, send him an article or something and message "I want to try this with you" - if he's worth keeping, he'll love it and want to please you. I got this tip from this article, which was really helpful for me, cos I'm quite shy but I still want to orgasm!!! Sometimes you have to speak up.

https://open.substack.com/pub/thesexguides/p/foreplay-starts-on-the-phone?r=268y5t&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web

That sounds dreadful. If sex is physical communication he's having a monologue! He's either not interested in exploring things together or he's desperately unimaginative.

We're not all like that, you can find a much better more grown-up one.