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Good sex but zero attempt at foreplay- would you stay?

48 replies

ThePinkQualityStreet · 14/09/2023 20:51

I’m seeing someone. It’s been a 6 months so have dtd a lot of times.

he’s very good at actually having sex.

but does absolutely zero foreplay. (I give him HJ/BJ) he just does not do hand or oral.
ive never brought it up. And I don’t think I will.

I just wanted to have other peoples opinion on if you would be fine with this.
so good sex but no attempt at all to touch me.

OP posts:
gamerchick · 14/09/2023 20:52

No I wouldn't be fine with it at all. Selfish fucker.

Tell him you want your orgasm first next time. His reaction should tell you everything you need to know.

TooManyAnimals94 · 14/09/2023 20:54 is that good sex?

nfkl · 14/09/2023 20:54

If he has never tried or mention foreplay to you, he s not good at sex, sorry.

And a guy who s so selfish/dismissive of you doesn t bode well for the overall worthiness of the specimen.

You can defo find better sex and a better man.

ShinyBandana · 14/09/2023 20:55

I wouldn’t class that as ‘good sex’

PIV (penis in vagina) is only a part of sex.

You’re missing out on the full experience!

BCBird · 14/09/2023 20:55

I suppose good is subjective. If my previous partners had not made an attempt to touch me, then I can't imagine calling the sex good. Onli had two- first one was extremely selfish, second one that would have been a deal breaker. Fortunately was not an issue. I can't understand how it can be described as good?

ThePinkQualityStreet · 14/09/2023 20:57

It’s good because he can last ages and has really good stamina / large penis. So that bit is enjoyable.

but he doesn’t do anything other than that.
theres been a couple of occasions I’ve put his hand on my area and then my hand on top of his but his hand did nothing.

my ex would know exactly where to rub etc and would t move until I reached the O.

so maybe I am just comparing.

so it’s an odd one and was interested what other women would do in my situation.

OP posts:
FuckingHellAdele · 14/09/2023 20:59

So he's a good fit for you physically, in terms of the in and out bit, but cares not a jot about actually doing anything for you, that doesn't also physically benefit him?

Yeah, What a catch

ThePinkQualityStreet · 14/09/2023 21:00

I have a feeling I am only the second person he’s been with as his ex he was with 20 years and he is 37.
he’s never told me how many people he’s been with but he did tell me his ex had only ever been with him.
so im coming to the conclusion they only ever had sex and nothing else.
he watches plenty of porn and I know it’s all based on getting a blow/hand job that he finds arousing to watch.


OP posts:
MyrtleSmurf · 14/09/2023 21:00

I don't get how you can be "ready" with zero foreplay at all? Especially with a big penis, that's going to hurt surely?!
Good sex to me is about mutual pleasure, not about "stamina". I'm amazed that he isn't even attempting to pleasure you and you're still saying it's good.

Either he's very inexperienced or very selfish.

Snugglemonkey · 14/09/2023 21:01

I would not define this as good sex.

SleepyJim · 14/09/2023 21:02

Once the initial lust phase has passed and the same level of arousal is a little more difficult to achieve, you might slightly resent the large penis who can go on for hours and long for someone willing to put in a bit of effort with their fingers/tongue...

Tinkeytonkoldfruit · 14/09/2023 21:02

I don't understand why you can't speak to him about it. Being able to talk about sex is pretty crucial in a healthy relationship. If you don't think you can then it's worth getting out regardless of how good or not the sex is.

ThePinkQualityStreet · 14/09/2023 21:02

So now I’m wondering if he’s just inexperienced and has no idea what to do other than pound away.

so should I attempt to teach him (which is a bit cringe after 6 months)
or assume he just doesn’t want to (and in which case consider ending things - eek)

OP posts:
BCBird · 14/09/2023 21:02

Sex is more than PIV, well it is for me.. It would concern me thst when u direct him.he takes no notice. This does not bode well

Dachshund40 · 14/09/2023 21:03

Sorry @ThePinkQualityStreet your area, reached your O? And you’ve been intimate with someone for 6 months but haven’t talked about your sexual needs/desires with him? You seem to have issues with talking about sex in general, there’s nothing wrong with saying clitoris or orgasm. And in my opinion there’s a lot more to good sex than having a large penis or lasting a while.

BCBird · 14/09/2023 21:05

Well if u want something different it looks like u will need to teach him.if u want to continue the relationship. Apart attempt to direct his hand, is it possible he thinks you are happy with things? If u have not been vocal in the last 6 months he may not realise?

ThePinkQualityStreet · 14/09/2023 21:05

Ok, you have all said what I think I secretly wanted to hear.
I just can’t work him out if it’s inexperience or he isn’t fair.
I agree with what people are saying about- how you can be satisfied. But I’ve never had sex like it (the PIV part) he doesn’t get tired and takes a while to come so we go for a while in different positions and that’s great.
but I’m starting to miss the other stuff.

OP posts:
Einszwei · 14/09/2023 21:06

I find it bizarre when adults don't communicate with each other about their sexual needs.

Sit down and have a proper conversation with him. If you haven't told him how is he supposed to know.

If you had told him and he hadn't attempted to change then that would be a major problem, but as it is he probably thinks he is doing fine amd dandy.

Sausagedognamedmash · 14/09/2023 21:06

How are you ready to take a large penis with zero foreplay? It cannot be enjoyable essentially going in dry unless he is using a lot of lube?

I think you need to have a proper conversation with him about sex rather than just continuing as is. Maybe he doesn't know what to do, or maybe he doesn't like it. But if its the latter, you have the choice to walk away from a half arsed sex life. If its the former, work together to teach him what works for you.

27penny · 14/09/2023 21:07

My guess inexperienced..if he's an otherwise good guy, just gently show tell him. He obvs wasn't shown before 🫣

ColloidalSliver · 14/09/2023 21:08

It’s good because he can last ages and has really good stamina / large penis. So that bit is enjoyable

What would you say if a man said "It's good because she can last ages and has really good stamina/tight vag"?

What a way to view someone you're having sex with.

Do you like him? Care for him? Love him? Or are you regarding him purely as a means to sexual satisfaction? If it's the latter, you might as well buy a vibrator.

Celia24 · 14/09/2023 21:09

OP, I had a guy like this. I ended it.

Big penis, very good at intercourse. But did zero oral which I couldn't accept even though I fave him oral. In the end I didn't even raise it as he was clearly selfish and you shouldn't have to school someone about that.


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whatafryup · 14/09/2023 21:10

I can't deny it, I do like a large penis but you can't just have that, decent sex is the foreplay, the PIV, the afterplay, orgasms for both of you. Am still high from the sex on Sunday with my newish partner (5 months), that WAS good sex and included all the above! And being able to talk about sex is also essential- you're both adults!

So just banging it in and out that's not good sex.

SleepyJim · 14/09/2023 21:10

I'd think it's too much porn. 1. Focus in porn is on male pleasure, not female, so he thinks that is what sex is all about. 2. Taking a while to finish - very used to his own hand and getting visual input from the porn.

I'd be wary.

PosterBoy · 14/09/2023 21:11

Everyone defines good sex really differently!

Does he actually have delayed ejaculation rather than is 'good at sex'? Although I get how that can be good - I used to have multiple orgasms with a partner who couldn't come for hours. His loss, my gain. Is it something like that?

I'm afraid being good at oral is top of my list so he wouldn't make the cut. But you don't sound hugely sexually confident either if you - can't talk to him about sex - have an area not a clitoris - have Os not orgasms. Perhaps you could work on your sexual confidence together?

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