Great guy / crap sex

Goodornot · 2023-09-11T23:29:21+00:00

What do you do if you like the guy loads but sex is crap. Penis too small and doesn't stay hard long enough due to anxiety issues etc

DGConsultant · 12/09/2023 00:48

Depends on how much of an investment you want to make. Crap sex not sustainable in the long-term, but if he's a prospect and you can work around his anxiety, maybe you can train him up.

namechanged1010 · 12/09/2023 06:36

I would say give it a miss. Suffering ED at this stage isn't great and ...well a small penis isnt everything but if you already notice then I suggest you kindly move on (ie don't tell him the real reason)

Original poster

Goodornot · 12/09/2023 08:53

He's the only man who's never been able to make me come. I've always been able to do it through penetrative sex. But not with him.

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QueenVixen · 12/09/2023 09:05

Is he willing to make you orgasm before you have sex? Considering most women aren’t able to cum via PIV, I wouldn’t consider this a deal breaker myself.

Original poster

Goodornot · 12/09/2023 09:19

QueenVixen · 12/09/2023 09:05

Is he willing to make you orgasm before you have sex? Considering most women aren’t able to cum via PIV, I wouldn’t consider this a deal breaker myself.

He can't do that. He's really inexperienced. I'm only the second person he's had sex with. He's had one gf for 7 months over a decade ago.

He just honestly has no clue - oral he ends up licking the labia and nowhere near the crucial parts. Fingering and oral never did it for me. PIV is the only way I climax and he can't do what I need.

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QueenVixen · 12/09/2023 09:24

I think all people are capable of learning what works for others but that requires good communication, if it’s really not working then I’d end the relationship.

Original poster

Goodornot · 12/09/2023 09:27

He's willing to learn and eager to. He feels quite 🙁that he hasn't made me come and talks about orgasm inequality and he feels bad.

It's whether or not I can get him to do what i need.

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GigiAnnna · 12/09/2023 10:34

His penis issues aren't going to improve. It depends how important sex is to you and if you think he's so great that you can put up with with bad sex, or if he's not worth it. I personally would end it. Even if you think you can live with it now, over time you could come to resent him.

Original poster

Goodornot · 12/09/2023 10:39

I usually have a very high sex drive. I'm usually the one being turned down more often than the man.

With him I have no drive at all. I'm not bothered. That's probably because I know it won't be that pleasurable.

His ocd and live if routine cause other issues

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Imnotmartin · 12/09/2023 10:47

What do you call small?

Original poster

Goodornot · 12/09/2023 10:58

Imnotmartin · 12/09/2023 10:47

What do you call small?

I have very small hands. Always a small or even a XS in ladies gloves.

His penis...when erect in my hand the head only is about 1.5 inches above the top of a fist grip if that makes sense.

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Original poster

Goodornot · 12/09/2023 11:01

So maybe 4 inches but it's more the girth that's the problem.

With a condom there's a massive amount of roll left at the bottom when it's all the way down.

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itsmyp4rty · 12/09/2023 11:12

This isn't going to work if sex is really important to you and you're not compatible/he's too inexperienced. It sounds like he has a lot of anxiety issues if he also has OCD. You say 'live if routine' not sure what that was supposed to be but does he have routines he has to follow? It could be the OCD but from the little you've said I'd be wondering about ASD too.

I'd end it but tell him you're struggling with his anxiety (is he getting help?) rather than you're struggling with him being crap in bed. Be gentle though as it sounds like he's dealing with a lot already.

Original poster

Goodornot · 12/09/2023 11:41

Sorry that was typos...love of routine.
He gets so anxious if he hasn't done all these unnecessary chores. Sitting there with a face like a slapped arse at the end of a nice weekend because he hasn't dusted a house that doesn't need dusting.

He isn't dealing with anything. He's actually had life pretty cosy by his own admission. Never struggled with anything including money.

He said therapy doesn't work and so I assume he isn't going back.

Looking at the positives he does spend every weekend with me. That's a massive routine change he willingly and happily made for me

He gets upset and lonely if he doesn't see me at a weekend now...with holidays or whatever

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xpc316e · 12/09/2023 12:07

My first observation would be that whatever happens, you are not going to be able to change the size of his cock. Therefore, if you are a size queen it is better to cut your losses and move on.

Having said that, this guy is very inexperienced and does not know how to satisfy any woman, let alone you. If he is willing to be coached, you can mould him into a very proficient lover who comes to you with nothing in the way of preconceived ideas about what women want.

It is entirely up to you whether you give him (and yourself) a chance. My current partner of over twenty years had never had an orgasm before we met, she'd neither given nor received oral sex, and never had sex in anything other than the missionary position. It was not a conscious decision of mine to make her into a project, but over time she discovered what she and I liked in bed. We have great sex these days and I have no regrets about investing in her sexuality when I could easily have dumped her for someone more sexually experienced.

Best wishes.

Bexx87 · 12/09/2023 13:13

xpc316e · 12/09/2023 12:07

My first observation would be that whatever happens, you are not going to be able to change the size of his cock. Therefore, if you are a size queen it is better to cut your losses and move on.

Having said that, this guy is very inexperienced and does not know how to satisfy any woman, let alone you. If he is willing to be coached, you can mould him into a very proficient lover who comes to you with nothing in the way of preconceived ideas about what women want.

It is entirely up to you whether you give him (and yourself) a chance. My current partner of over twenty years had never had an orgasm before we met, she'd neither given nor received oral sex, and never had sex in anything other than the missionary position. It was not a conscious decision of mine to make her into a project, but over time she discovered what she and I liked in bed. We have great sex these days and I have no regrets about investing in her sexuality when I could easily have dumped her for someone more sexually experienced.

Best wishes.

I don't think being a " size queen " is anything to do with it. Hate that term, it's usually used when a man wants to shame a woman over her perfectly reasonable preference of a decently sized penis. No woman is going to be orgasmic over a 4 inch semi hard cock from a lazy man. And secondly, an inexperienced woman isn't equal to an inexperienced man. A man can still have his orgasm, regardless of how inexperienced a woman is at intercourse. It's not so easy for the woman.

DGConsultant · 12/09/2023 13:42

Ah well, in that case, probably best to ditch compassionately.

Original poster

Goodornot · 12/09/2023 14:53

It's so true. Once he fell out and kept grinding it against my thigh. Bit of frottage he said. Got himself off then.

They can easily get themselves off no matter what.

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DGConsultant · 12/09/2023 15:37

That's not what you want, some guy rubbing himself against your thigh to get himself off. In his defence slightly, It is very easy to come out, especially in doggy if you're wet but I doubt that was the case here. A bad job all round presumably. It is nice to rub your cock on a woman's thigh/leg especially if you're a leg guy, but only once she's come 2/3 times prior. On to the next one then...

BIWI · 12/09/2023 16:12

It sounds like there are far more issues here than just his size.

Pokotho · 12/09/2023 19:13

There are silicone sleeves that can be used to add length or girth to a penis, you slide the penis into them and they can be used to penetrate. Would this be something he would be willing to use or is he sensitive about the subject?

Original poster

Goodornot · 12/09/2023 20:37

He knows he's small be said so. I'd never be so unkind to say that to him.

Not sure about the sleeve

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PinotPony · 12/09/2023 22:47

What do you like about him? The only positive thing you've says about him is that he spends time with you...!

He sounds really hard work... not just the sexual failings but the mental health stuff too. I'd throw this one back. It won't get any better.

Original poster

Goodornot · 12/09/2023 22:57

He makes me laugh. So very hard.

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DixonD · 12/09/2023 23:06

Goodornot · 12/09/2023 22:57

He makes me laugh. So very hard.

I get it. I love a man who can make me laugh. It’s a much bigger turn on than a big penis. If you’re not sure, maybe just give it a bit more time. I was very inexperienced when I met my husband (not slept with anyone else) and I would definitely say it took some time for me to find my way.