Oral Sex | Mumsnet

Missingoutbigtime · 2023-09-11T12:06:29+00:00

I’ve recently read a few threads on this part of MN and a couple that caught my eye were the ones about men giving women oral sex and how the majority really enjoyed giving it. In other relationships it wasn’t offered, my DP doesn’t give it often and I’ve never experienced an orgasm this way. I can’t help wondering if there’s a reason for this and if there is a problem with my lady bits. I don’t have particularly huge labia but they are visible from the outside. It’s really embarrassing to say this but I have thought about asking my DP.

35dadof2kent · 11/09/2023 13:12

He must be mad, put some nice knickers on and tell him to get to work haha, he may just not know if you like it, next time your in the middle of foreplay just ask him to get down there, i bet he wont say no

Original poster

Missingoutbigtime · 11/09/2023 13:28

I wear nice knickers when we go to bed to have sex. He knows I like it and when I last mentioned it, he didn’t end up going down on me. I think there is something wrong with me.

OP posts:

Anotherlurkingmale · 11/09/2023 13:35

Can only speak for myself but I've had a count of the number of times I've been put off giving oral by the appearance of a woman's labia and it's zero. Once I'm down there I'm generally so in the moment and honoured to have the privilege the appearance of labia or other parts is of no concern.

My advice would be to be as confident as possible telling your partner how much you like him giving oral, and when he's doing it tell him to keep going if he looks like he's about to stop.

Good luck!

35dadof2kent · 11/09/2023 13:43

Only one way to find out lol
Id do my partner every time if she asked me we have the opposite problem she's self conscious for oral since c section but id do every time
Just ask him lol

CalmSurprise · 11/09/2023 14:31

So you can let him give you oral sex but can’t communicate with him? Not a healthy relationship which may be part of the issue.

Original poster

Missingoutbigtime · 11/09/2023 14:37

I have communicated with him I like it and he’s never said anything about not liking it which makes me think there is something about me he doesn’t like.

OP posts:

CalmSurprise · 11/09/2023 14:58

You clearly don’t communicate well as a couple if you’ve no idea what the issue is and are embarrassed to think about asking him. If you can’t talk to each other about everything, things aren’t great are they.

Original poster

Missingoutbigtime · 11/09/2023 15:07

The thing I’m embarrassed about is maybe I don’t look normal to him. I was surprised to see lots of men really enjoy it which isn’t my experience and it makes me think maybe something is wrong with me. I will ask him if there is but I don’t think he’s going to say, I don’t like the way you look so that’s why I don’t go down there.

OP posts:

soloinaduo · 11/09/2023 15:59

@Missingoutbigtime,
(Chap here) I can understand you thinking he'd say "of course there's nothing wrong with you," and you're obviously looking for reassurance.
In my experience, you girls all have differing external and internal genitalia, likes and dislikes and part of the fun of "going down" is us guys discovering what you girls like. Nothing I've ever seen down there has ever put me off. If you're really concerned ask a sexual health nurse to take a quick look, but as you suggest, try chatting to him in case it's not anything wrong with you, maybe just a preference of his perhaps. Good luck 🤞

MovedonfromMartin · 11/09/2023 16:17

In my experience of ladies parts, no 2 vulvas look alike. I'm sure there is absolutely nothing wrong with yours. I didn't experience an orgasm from oral sex until very recently so it can still happen. (I'm in my 50s)
It can be difficult to raise these topics over the dinner table despite what CalmSurprise says (which is harsh if you ask me), so could you text him about it maybe if you ever exchange any saucy messages? What about waiting until you are giving him a blow job and then look up and say to him:
'I'd like you to go down on me now and don't stop until I say you can.'

itsmyp4rty · 11/09/2023 16:22

Maybe he just doesn't like doing it? Why would you assume it must be about you? I've met men when I was younger that said they just didn't like it.

The problem isn't him, it's your self esteem. But if you're unhappy with your sex life because he's not into giving oral then that's fair enough and you're free to end it.

CalmSurprise · 11/09/2023 16:35

What about waiting until you are giving him a blow job and then look up and say to him:
'I'd like you to go down on me now and don't stop until I say you can.'

Awful advice. He’s clearly not keen for some reason. Telling him to do it whilst giving him oral sex puts pressure on him to do something he may not be comfortable with. It’s quite disturbing behaviour really, why would you do that to someone? Just bloody ask him to be honest with you without trying to take advantage and manipulate.

This place is bloody awful.

Original poster

Missingoutbigtime · 11/09/2023 16:47

He has never said he doesn’t like it.
I don’t know why me asking is awful. I thought here we could ask questions about sex.

OP posts:

CalmSurprise · 11/09/2023 17:00

@Missingoutbigtime

Of course you can ask here, I wasn’t meaning you were awful. The pp was awful for suggesting you try to get your partner to do this for you at a moment when he may feel less able to say no. That is manipulative behaviour. Unfortunately, I’ve seen advice like this here often and it’s unacceptable.

DixonD · 11/09/2023 17:07

CalmSurprise · 11/09/2023 16:35

What about waiting until you are giving him a blow job and then look up and say to him:
'I'd like you to go down on me now and don't stop until I say you can.'

Awful advice. He’s clearly not keen for some reason. Telling him to do it whilst giving him oral sex puts pressure on him to do something he may not be comfortable with. It’s quite disturbing behaviour really, why would you do that to someone? Just bloody ask him to be honest with you without trying to take advantage and manipulate.

This place is bloody awful.

I agree with this - you can’t force it. It sounds like he doesn’t enjoy it enough to do it as frequently as you’d like, or perhaps he’s not confident or has had a bad experience doing it in the past.

I’m very sure that there’s nothing wrong with you!

MovedonfromMartin · 11/09/2023 22:51

I stand by my advice @CalmSurprise Maybe @Missingoutbigtime partner doesn't realise that she enjoys it that much?
She has said that she never has an orgasm from it which he may take as a sign that she doesn't?

MovedonfromMartin · 11/09/2023 22:55

It is also far easier to talk about these things when you are in the throes of passion. You can actually get the words out without feeling as awkward as you might when you are not.

Opentooffers · 12/09/2023 00:22

Depends on the man, some love it, some don't, some are just OK with it so it's occasional. Most like BJ's, so if they don't reciprocate, they don't get that either.

ColdWaterSwimming · 12/09/2023 15:49

I'm a man, and have always enjoyed giving oral to my partners, who've enjoyed it.
But my current partner (over 2 years) has only accepted it from me on a very few occasions, and has on a couple of other occasions actively pushed me away when I tried. She regularly gives me BJs, and in the spirit of reciprocity and because I enjoy giving oral would like to give it to her.
On the most recent occasion she gave me a BJ then declined oral from me, and wanted us to go to PIV which I did.
The next day I asked her about it -we'd never had a conversation about oral before- and she said she didn't like it, that it was just her preference but that she did like giving BJs to her partners.
She did say she's only received oral once when she liked it, when her partner almost but not quite made her cum and she had wanted him to finish her off but he didn't. She said he had a very long tongue- so I showed her mine and she said it wasn't long enough! I hope she was joking.
I asked her if I wasn't good enough at it would she like to give me training, but she said no.
I suppose I have to accept that people have preferences and likes and dislikes, but I'm disappointed.
On the plus side, I can make her cum by breast play alone -I've not had a partner like that before. Swings and roundabouts perhaps.

SpringleDingle · 12/09/2023 16:14

I think different people like different things. I am not keen on oral being performed on me but I enjoy giving a blow job. I’ve been with guys who were keen to get down there and some who never offered so I assume weren’t keen.

I don’t think the way your labia looks should / could be a deciding factor on whether your husband does this regularly/often. I think it is far more likely that he is not keen on giving oral generally but doesn’t want to say that.

CalmSurprise · 12/09/2023 18:00

@MovedonfromMartin I don’t care if you stand by your advice. It’s manipulative, coercive and taking advantage and that should be pointed out.

MovedonfromMartin · 12/09/2023 20:17

Jeez @CalmSurprise I'm only suggesting something for someone to say in a loving relationship (or not even) when they are having sex. He can always swerve it and avoid doing it if he doesn't want to. I'm not suggesting that she sits on his face and won't let him out until she has an orgasm. If you can't tell someone what you want when you are sexually aroused when can you?
He may well find it a huge turn on to be asked in that way? If he doesn't then it might open up a conversation. If he doesn't want to, the the OP can ask him then. 'Are you not keen on giving me oral?'

myNewName21 · 12/09/2023 20:32

CalmSurprise · 11/09/2023 16:35

What about waiting until you are giving him a blow job and then look up and say to him:
'I'd like you to go down on me now and don't stop until I say you can.'

Awful advice. He’s clearly not keen for some reason. Telling him to do it whilst giving him oral sex puts pressure on him to do something he may not be comfortable with. It’s quite disturbing behaviour really, why would you do that to someone? Just bloody ask him to be honest with you without trying to take advantage and manipulate.

This place is bloody awful.

I'd like you to go down on me now and don't stop until I say you can

I agree that this is awful advice,

BUT I highly doubt there is anything wrong with you either, if you really want to know then just plan ask, maybe he just doesn’t enjoy it, irrespective of what others may say giving oral sex is not always the most pleasant thing in the world

NKD · 12/09/2023 20:41

Aside from oral sex, what is your sex life like generally?
He might have some sort of performance anxiety that he can’t satisfy you in that way?
I highly doubt it has anything to do with how you look down there etc.

I had never really received oral sex until I met my DH (but that soon unlocked a new level).

PinotPony · 12/09/2023 23:07

I can guarantee there's nothing wrong with your vulva. They're all completely different and there no such thing as normal.

I don't think this is a subject to be raised during sex. An honest conversation about how you're feeling would be more appropriate.

Don't ask him "Why don't you give me oral? You know I want it. Is there something wrong with me?" You've already admitted you won't trust his answer.

Instead you could say "I'd really like to try more oral sex. I've not had much in past relationships but would like to see if I can orgasm with it. How would you feel about that? Is that something you'd be comfortable doing? Would you enjoy it too?"

Nothing to be embarrassed about, just ask him what he thinks. I bet he'd be thrilled to be the first guy to make you cum that way. Make it a fun challenge for him! And don't get too concerned if it doesn't happen the first time. He might needs lots of practice...